Pippin the Ringbearer
by SirNotAppearingInThisFilm
Summary: What would happen if Pippin got hold of one of the Elven Rings? Just plain insanity! Yipee! Slash in ONE CHAPTER cause Helga and Moosey are dumb. PG because of insanity and suggestive fluffy in a few chapters. Glares at Helga and Moosey! Valentine's Day
1. Valinor

A/N: Yay!!! My first fanfic! You have no idea how exciting this is!!!!!! On with the story! O.k., just so you know, I just had, like, a boatload of iced tea, so I am HYPER!!!!!! runs around room, then trips over Elvish Cloak OWWW!!

DISCLAIMER: can anybody tell me the purpose of these?!? I don't see one,

But I don't own anything but my LOTR version of Monopoly.

Frodo walked into Gandalf's room in Valinor to find Gandalf beating himself over the head with his staff!!! "What are you doing?" Frodo cried. Gandalf did not seem to hear him, as he was too busy trying to kill himself. He shouted to no one in particular,

"FOOL OF A WIZARD!!! YOU IDIOT!! YOU'RE A COMPLETE AND TOTAL IDIOT!!!!!!!"

"Uh..., Gandalf?

"IDIOTIC HOBBIT!!!!"

"What?"

"FOOL OF A MAYONAISE JAR!!!!!"

"What are you talking about?"

"AAAAAAARRRRGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

"GANDALF!!!!!"

Innocently "What?

"What are you talking about?"

Gandalf plopped into a chair, unable to whack himself further, as Frodo had taken his staff. "Pippin has the Ring!!!" Gandalf said as calmly as he could, since he felt like strangling someone. Frodo chuckled, "you really need to cut back on the partying, Gandalf. The ring is destroyed! We destroyed it years ago!!!"

"Not THAT ring, the OTHER ring!!!," he retorted.

"..."

"MY ring!"

"Gasp!!" Frodo gasped.

"Shocking, isn't it?" Gandalf said grimly.

"But PIPPIN... a RINGBEARER???"

"Yup"

"How does THAT work?!?"Frodo exclaimed. He would have thought this very funny were he not getting a death glare by Gandalf. "Your guess is as good as mine," Gandalf said, "But the bottom line is, Middle Earth is in trouble once again, and its only hope would probably invite a pack of orcs that had been starving for 3 days to tea with him!!"

Frodo laughed, knowing he was probably right.

Did you like it?? It was most likely confusing with the mayo jar, but I'll explain it in the next chapter... if you review (hint hint) REVIEW, OR I WON"T PUT UP THE NEXT CHAPTER!!! Well, I will, but STILL... What was I doing?


	2. Meanwhile

Pippin the Ringbearer

Disclaimer: I Think I forgot to put this in the first chapter, but I don't own LOTR.

A/N: hello!! I GOT REVIEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(High pitched girly scream)

BuriedNox: Sweet!!!! I got a complaint!! Man, I am hyper! Usually, I would be all like, hey, if you don't like my story- anyways, thanking you for reviewing, and I PROMISE it will get better... We haven't visited Middle Earth yet! (Mischievous smile)ï

Southerngirl14615: I hope I got the numbers right!! Thanks for reviewing!!!!!!!!!!!! I am updating right now!

DaydreamingTurtle: Cool! Sorry, I can't read your story. My mom won't let me on the computer except on weekends, and then my brothers are on, mostly. All mom is letting me do right now is put up my second chapter!!! I'll sneak to the computer in the middle of the night, maybe...

Mina aka: mockingbird: cool!!! I just got a sugar rush out of nowhere! Thank you so very much for the kind review. P.S. I will hold you to that oath (not)ï

HelgaMoon: SHUT UP ABOUT THE FREAKIN' CHICKEN NUGGETS!!!!!!! As you can see, I am still freaked out immensely!!! Sheesh! :(

As for any others that did not come through or did not review at all, thanks anyways!!!

Here's Chapter 2

Meanwhile...

"MERRY!"

Pippin ran back, yelling at the top of his lungs.

"Yes, Pip!"

"What was I doing?"

"Gasp, Pip. Do you remember ANYTHING for more than 2 seconds!!!!!!!!"

"..."

Merry sighed. His friend was hopeless. Still, he decided to at least try one more time.

"You were bored," he said slowly so Pippin could understand, "you asked me for something to do, and I said, 'Why don't you go to Bag End and visit Sam and Rosie.'"

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I remember now!"

"IT WAS TWO SECONDS AGO!!!!"

"Well, I'll go right now to Frodo's house, if that's what's bothering you!"

"Frodo isn't here, Pip!"

"He isn't?!?"

"YOU WERE THERE!!!! YOU SAW HIM LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"... I did?

"AAAAHHHHH!!!!!"

"What?"

"YOU'RE HOPELESS"

"All right, I am."

silence

"Uh, Merry, What were we doing?"

THAT NIGHT 

"Rosie?"

"Yes, Sam?"

"Is that Merry and Pippin???"

Rosie squinted out the window. "I believe it is, Sam."

"Why are they here???"

"How should I know? I'm stupid and don't know any better."

Sam stared at Rosie. "WHAT?!?!?!?"

"The author made me say that."

"Oh"

Merry and Pippin walked in the door. Merry looked tired and annoyed, and Pippin looked clueless. (As usual) "So... now what are we doing?" Pippin asked.

Sam looked at Pippin" hallo, Pip!!!

"SAM!!!" Pippin yelled exuberantly.

Sam noticed a small ring on a chain around his neck. "Whacha got there, Pip?"

Merry groaned. "Not again," he grumbled.

"What, this? Oh, that's Gandalf's ring."

"Why do you have Gandalf's ring?" Sam asked staring at him.

"He gave it to me."

"WHAT?"

"Yeah, before he left."

"Pip, do even remember that?"

"Yes," he said defensively.

"Do remember that little part about-oh, I dunno- THE RINGS AND THEIR BEARERS DEPARTING OVER SEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Sam shrieked.

"...No, should I?

"AAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"Sam screamed.

"That's what Merry said when I told him!"

"... You ARE hopeless," Sam said finally.

"Yes, I am!"

"so... HOW exactly did Gandalf give you the ring?"

"He said, 'here, hold this' and gave it to me."

"No, I mean, why did he give it to you?"

Find out next chapter!

Was that a cliffie? I don't think it was. Anyways, REVIEW, and I'll ... I'll... I don't know, but I'll do something!! ï ï ï as you can see, I am hyper! (What's new?)


	3. Explanations

Pippin the Ringbearer

A/N: Yay!!! I got more reviews! Y'all really seem to like my story!(Yes, I am Texan) Anyhoo, here's some responses. Sorry, but I can only work on weekends cause mom won't let me onï also, won't let me do smileys and frownies. They come out like this: ï!!!! Oh well!

Book Anaconda in the Rain: MONTY PYTHON RULES!!!!!!! It's like my favorite show on BBC!!!!! (Starts singing badly out of tune)I'M A LUMBERJACK AND I'M OKAY! I SLEEP ALL NIGHT AND I WORK ALL DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Thanks for the review!

Mina aka: Mockingbird: Yay!!!!! I updated! It sucks I can only do this on weekends! ï I'm putting that up in this chapter! Don't worry, but be warned: It's extremely stupid! :)

HelgaMoon: Yay!!! You are going to shut up for once!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL :)

Here's the next chapter!!!

Southerngirl: Will do! :) We loves Pippin, preciousssss. Thanks so much!!! :)

TheMagesticMoose: MOOSEY!!!!! (gives TheMagesticMoose a bear hug...or... moose hug) GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU!!!! Even though we see each other every day! I'm keeping it confusing cause no one else is confused!!!! ;) (Election face)

MornieGalad: Thanks!!! Do they really sound like a married couple that much?!? Wow, I made it obvious!! Thanks!

Well, that's all for now! Here is the next chap!

Explanations

After Frodo finally stopped laughing, he asked Gandalf, "Tell me, HOW did Pippin come by the ring?!?"

"Bilbo was making a sandwich in Rivendell and he was looking for the mayonnaise. When he found it, he couldn't use the knife because it was huge for him, so he couldn't get the mayo out of the jar."

"Obviously"

"Let me finish. So I volunteer to get the mayo out for him, but I didn't want my ring to get mayonnaise on it, so I took it off and asked Pippin to hold it for me. Then, I forgot that Pippin had it, so I left for Valinor without it."

Frodo blinked, and then burst out laughing!

"IT'S NOT FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Yes (laugh) it (gasp) is!!!"

"NO IT IS NOT!!!!!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"GRRR..."

"You gave Pippin the ring??? For THAT?!?!?!?!?"

"I HATE MAYONAISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Frodo just laughed.

-=The Shire=-

"I can NOT believe that Gandalf did that!!!"

"What?"

"Shut up, Pip! You're the reason we're in this mess!!!"

"What mess?"

"PIPPIN, THE RING WAS SUPPOSED TO GO TO VALINOR WITH GANDALF!!!!!!!"

"...Seriously???"

"YES!!!!"

"Oh... Then why did Gandalf give it to me?"

"WELL-... I don't know!"

"I got it!" Said Sam.

"What??"

"I know why Gandalf gave Pippin the ring!!!"

"...Well, Why?"

"You know how he's always doing stuff because he knows that we'll need it for what's ahead? Maybe he knew that Pippin would need it for something in the future!"

"Oh, I get it!!!" Pippin said.

"... no, you don't!!"

"Yeah, I don't" he admitted sadly.

"...Moving on!!!"

A/n: Well... that's that chapter. I'm probably going to get flames for making it not make sense, but, hey! What can I say, I have ADD and no clue or sanity whatsoever!!!(Evil laughter)anyways, take it easy on the flames if you do flame me! K?


	4. The Next Chapter

Pippin the Ringbearer

YAY!!!!!!! The smileys work!!!!! (Hallelujah chorus plays) SHUT UP, CHOIR!!! (Choir stops) Wow... check out the reviews!!!

Mina aka Mockingbird: Sanity IS overrated, ya know? Alternate universe? Like a 'three girls get sucked into Middle Earth' story? Or like a 'Fellowship gets sucked into Earth' story? Who cares? I'm so glad that you like my story! I seriously thought that no one would like it!!!!!

Southerngirl: Trust me, if you have ADD, you'll know!!! You wouldn't be able to stay on the same subject for 5 minutes!!!! LOL!!!!! :) Louisiana is cool!!!! Here's the next chapter!

HelgaMoon: hehe, yeah, I see Moosey doing that! If I were you, I wouldn't talk about him in front of her!!! :) READ CHAPTER!!!!!!! :)

The oro-ing elf: You feel like Pippin sometimes, too?!? I feel like him all the ... (spaces out) Huh? OH! Thank you for the review!!!!! :)

If I missed anyone, please know that I am SO FREAKIN' SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!! My email decided to stop working, and now I can't even log into the site!!! I'll get you next chapter if it starts working again!!! :( Sorry!!!!

Welp, that's all, folks! Had to say that! Well, I had everything worked out up to now, so now I have no CLUE as to where the story is going!! This will be interesting! Also, please note that all my mom will let me do right now is let me put this chapter up, so if Moosey or Helga or anyone else that's asked me to read their story, I can't until the weekend!!!! Sorry!!! :)

Chapter 4: The Next Chapter

"Ssooo... What are we going to do? 


	5. Detours and Band Music

Pippin the Ringbearer

A/N Dude, that was weird! I have no idea what was up with those weird symbols, and I'm sorry for the confusion! It looked normal on Word, so I don't know what was going on!!! Sorry again!!!!! :) MY EMAIL IS WORKING!!!!!!!!!!! :) On a more serious note, today is the anniversary of that fateful day in New York. Could you please join me in a moment of silence, as it is the same time that the planes crashed right now( join in silence out of respect) Thank you, May they rest in peace. Amen.

Reviews:

SteelFlame: Thanks so much!!! :) Sorry for the confusion, I really don't know why it does that! Maybe us having a 56k modem has something to do with it!!!! :) Why would I freak you out? (Don't answer that!!!) :)

HarryEstel: Yay!!! You read my story!!!!! I'm flattered that you liked it!!! That's awesome!!!! Thanks!!!!!! :) HAPPY FEW DAYS AFTER YOUR BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!

Mina aka: Mockingbird: Thanks as always for the review!!!!!! I'm so glad you like it so much!!!!!!! :) You are cool!!!! My favorite characters are Aragorn and Pippin. They are both so adorable!!!!!!! : D --- that looks funny!!! :)

Red-Devil15: LOL!!!! I love ya'll's reviews!!!! ...Was that even a word? Anyways, I'm really really really really really really really really really really really really REALLY glad you like it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) I'm REALLY hyper!!!!! LOVE the name, btw! I think it's cool!!!!!

HelgaMoon: DON'T CALL MOOSEY MOOSEFACE!!!!!!!!!! Oh, okay! You can call her Mooseface for today, but not after that!!!!!! I'm serious... maybe!!!! :) Oh, and I wasn't at school because I was sick!!!! Who is Ryan Key?!?!?!?

TheMagesticMoose: MOOSEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Gives TheMagesticMoose another moosehug) Sorry if I've cracked a few ribs from those moosehugs, I just get hyper!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!! YOU FOLLOWED THIS TIME!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm typing the way I want to just to show the typing teacher!!!!!! TAKE THAT, COMPUTER CLASSES!!!!!! Yes, I am HYPER!!!!!! AND I LIKE TO USE THE CAPS LOCK WHEN I'M HYPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAN I HELP WITH **_WORLD DOMINATION THAT IS PROBABLY TOP SECRET AND I SHOULDN'T BE TALKING ABOUT?!?!?!?!?!?! _**OOPS!!!! SORRY!!!!(Election face)

O...kaaaaay. That was fun!!! Now on with the story!!!!

Chapter 5: ...Detours

-On the Way to Minas Tirith-

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

Are we there yet?

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP DOING THAT, YOU IDIOTIC HOBBIT!!!!!! WE ARE NOT THERE YET, SO BE QUIET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Legolas screamed finally.

"Are we there YET?!?"

"... I'm not answering that. "

"I'm bored!!!...Hey, Legolas! Are we-"

"NO!!!!!!!"

"I want to do something besides walking! Walking isn't fun anymore!"

"... Why don't you navigate?"

"Mr. Legolas? Do you think that's a good idea?" Sam asked.

"Sure! Anything that'll shut him up!!!"

"I heard that!!!"

"No you didn't."

"I didn't?"

"No."

"... Oh, okay! I'll read the map then!!!"

-A Few Minutes Later-

"Um... Ummm I think this ways a short cut" Pip says, pointing in a direction.

"Let's go that way, then!"

-Two Weeks Later-

"... hmm," said Legolas,"We should have gotten there by now..."

"Well, there's that pointy thingy on the map," Pippin said, pointing to an anthill. "And look at the size of it! The map makes it look so small!!!"

"...Pippin, that's an anthill."

"You mean all those pointy things on the map are anthills? Interesting..."

Legolas looked at him. "Pippin, where are we on this map?"

"Right there" he said, pointing to a place marked HIIVM(OdO (A/N sorry, tried! )

Merry looked at the strange name. "I've never heard of HIIVM(ODO before."

"Because it doesn't exist" Legolas explained. He turned the map upside down. "YOU WERE HOLDING IT UPSIDE DOWN THE ENTIRE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"OOOOOHHHHH!!!!! That's why it looked weird!"

Sam and Merry looked at the map. It now said 'FORODWAITH'. Suddenly, Sam burst out laughing!

"AND JUST **_WHAT_** EXACTLY DO YOU FIND SO FUNNY ABOUT THIS, SAMWISE GAMGEE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"

"Umm, Umm, n-nothing, Mr. L-Legolas, s-sir!"

"Good!"

"Yes, it IS good" Pippin said.

"...Pippin,(dramatic speech music starts playing) do you realize that the fate of the entire world rests on you shoulders, and that, if we fail in this quest, you are likely to face death and torment for the rest of your life? Doomed to be naught but a toy for the evil spawn of Morgoth, and thus aiding Sauron in his dominion of the world you Hobbits love so dearly? And that you and your friends are in serious danger as long as that ring stays around your neck? That you will probably never see the Shire again, and that if you do, you will most likely not find the peace you usually find, and thus sail dramatically into the West, as Frodo did? And that the world will fall into darkness if we fail and never come out of it again? That Aragorn, and Gimli, and all of your friends will perish in the darkness of Sauron's evil dominion? Did You?"(Dramatic speech music stops)

"...What?

"Sigh! Never mind"

"My head hurts now!!!" complained Sam.

_**TBC...**_

A/N: Well, there's that! Sorry if the chapters are too short! I run out of attention span near the... **_REVIEW!!!!!!! AND I'LL GIVE... FREE CHOCOLATE!!!!! AND DR. PEPPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_**

I got a band song stuck in my head!!!! Because I went to the football game last night and that's the last one they played and I was up ALL night reading stories and writing... and writing... and reading... and more writing. Most of it didn't make sense, so I didn't post them. If you have seen Blue Man Group: The Complex Rock Tour, I was trying to make Legolas's 'speech' like Rock Concert Movement #236 (Or some number like that) :)

Darn song... da da da dut dut duh duh da da (rest) da da da dut dut duh-dunnnn! (rest) da da da dut dut duh duh da da (rest) duh duh duh dut dut dat dut dun!!!!!!! I like that song, it's just annoying when you hear it over and over in your mind! :)

**_S.N.A.I.T.F._** (THAT'S STILL A FUNNY WORD!! )


	6. The Death of Moosey

Pippin the Ringbearer

A/N: WARNING!!! I WAS EXTREMELY HYPER WHEN I WROTE THIS!!! My friend, TheMagesticMoose, was kicked off for a week by the people of ...UH-OH...Sanity...slipping ...away... AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm hyper!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and when I say hyper, I MEAN **_HYPER_** THIS TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) Okay, so reviews!!!

HarryEstel: Thank you!!!!!! You mean I'm like a 5 year old or Pippin is like a 5 year old?!? !?!?!?!?!?!?! AAAAHHH!!!!!! I'M HYPER!!!!!!!!! (runs around room!!!) WWWHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Voldie on Varsity Track: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Runs around room again, collapses and starts hyperventilating from laughing so hard) I GOT A REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!! Wait... I always get reviews, but I've never gotten one from you!!!!! WELCOME TO THE INSANITY OF MY WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Woohoo!!!! I'll make you HAPPIER than a transvestite stuck in a Petri Dish for 2 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And that is a much higher degree than the other one in my world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TheMagesticMoose: MOOOOOSSEEEYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (suffocates Moosey from moosehug) NOOOOO!!! Moosey cannot die from hug!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm killing off reviewers! Who will be next?!?!?!?!? NNNOOOOO!!!!! Moosey, you're too young to die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (ghost of Moosey) Only until next week, then I can write again! They took me off!!! CURSE THEM!!!!!!!

HelgaMoon: MOOSEY DIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(Cries into Helga's shoulder)Why, Eru? WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! WHY did she have to flame a reviewer?!?!? **_WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!? _**(starts bawling)

Mina aka: Mockingbird: SHE'S DEAD!!!!!!! THEY BANNED HER... I MEAN, I SUFFOCATED HER!!!!!! Why?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?(Ghost of Moosey): That's what I want to know! I don't care if I was 'violating the English language', or 'putting author's notes as chapters', or 'holding reviewers hostage'!!! I still shouldn't be BANNED!!! And I warned them in the first chapter!!!! IT WAS IN BLACK AND FN WHITE!!!!!! (Back to me) **_WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!??!?!?! (SOB) ..._**I'm better now!! Thank you and you're welcome for that!!! :)

SteelFlame: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My poor Moosey!!! They killed her!! (Ghost of Moosey): IT'S ONLY FOR A WEEK!!!!!!!!!(me):..OOOHHHHHHHHHH!!! Okay! Legolas was thinking: SHUT HIM UP!!!!!!!!!!!! :) D.P. and chocolate is a good combination... Moosey's favorite snack was... (cuts off as Ghost of Moosey glares in this direction) Well, I certainly like this chapter! Continuing on

RedDevil15: I'm glad you asked... even though I am still mourning over the death of (Ghost of Moosey): I'M NOT DEAD!!!!!!(Me): meep! Anyways, it stands for SirNotAppearingInThisFilm, my name. It is much easier to write S.N.A.I.T.F.!!! And I will do as you requested!!!!!!!! :)

Fading Twilight: Phew! Lost my sanity for a second there! Well, thanks! If I make another story, I'll tell you if you want to read it. I'm glad you liked this one!!! :)

The Lady of Mirkwood: My Adorable Leggy-Bear? LOL!!!!!! That's funny!!!!!!! Poor Moosey, though!! (Ghost of Moosey)I'M NOT DEAD, SO SHUT UP ABOUT IT!!!!! (Me) Okay, okay!!!! It is seriously hard for me to write"Legolas"!!! It's weird! :) That's why it takes a few days to write a chapter sometimes! I'm glad you like my story!!!

Chapter 6: The Death of Moosey

"Ssoo...Are-"

"Pippin, if you say 'are we there yet?' ONE MORE TIME!!!!!!..."

"Hey! Look Legolas," Sam said,"We're there!!!!"

Sure enough, in the distance, the saw the Tower of Ecthelion glimmering like a spike of pearl and silver yadda yadda yadda, stuff Boromir said in Caras Galadhon.

"WOWWWW!!!" Pippin said.

"Well," Legolas said, "Let's find Ara-"

"THE ADORABLE KING ELESSAR!!!" SNAITF screams.

"Oh... right. Well, let's find him"

-five minutes later-

"Are we there yet?"

"PIPPIN!!! WE'VE BEEN THERE FOR 5 MINUTES!!!"

"Oh... Then what are we doing?"

"Sigh... looking for...The Adorable King Elessar."

"There he is!!!!" Yelled Sam.

Sure enough, they were now in the throne room, and The Adorable King Elessar is right there, and with him is...

Moosey?

"LEGOLAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Moosey screamed.

Suddenly Frodo appeared out of nowhere.

"GASP!!!!!! FRODO, TOO?!?!?!?! I MUST BE IN HEAVEN!!!!!!!!!"

"Well, yeah, considering you died!" said the SNAITF.

"I'M NOT DEAD!!! I JUST GOT KICKED OUT OF FANFICTION!!!"

"Denial is not just a river in Egypt, you know!!!!"

(Stares at SNAITF) "Let me reiterate that: I'M NOT DEAD!!!!!!"

The door opened, and in came Cate Blanchett.

"DIE, CATE BLANCHETT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Moosey screamed.

She grabbed Anduril, Flame of the West and killed Cate Blanchett!

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Suddenly, a guy popped out of nowhere and looked at Moosey.

"DYLAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she screamed. (YOU **_KNOW_** YOU STILL LIKE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Dylan started making the Techno beat noise that my brother made up.

"Hey, Moosey"

"Will you go out with me?"

"Sure"

"YYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"This is getting weird" Pippin said.

"You're telling me!" Sam replied.

Suddenly, Ryan Key runs in out of nowhere. "GET HER AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!!!!!! SHE'S CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He runs into a room and hides. Seconds later, another girl runs in. She had red hair in a ponytail and an American Flag T-Shirt and jeans. She had a black Gothy- looking bracelet and glasses.

"Sorry I'm late! I was chasing Ryan Key!" she said.

"That's alright. Were you drinking milk again, HelgaMoon?" Asked SNAITF

"Yup!"

"OH-NO!!! ONE OF THOSE THINGS IS BEHIND YOU!!!!! YOU'RE WEARING THE BAD COLOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY'RE GONNA EAT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Moosey and SNAITF burst out laughing!!!!!

"Oh yeah? Well, Chuckie just kidnapped Aragorn! And he had a letter opener!!!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT ELESSAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE'S TOO AWESOME TO BE KILLED BY A DOLL WITH A LETTER OPENER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"SNAITF shrieked.

Moosey and Helga start laughing. Ryan Key comes out of the room.

"Is it safe?" he asked.

"RYAN KEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Screamed Helga.

Suddenly, a big thing with a red cloak and spikes coming out of the back of its head grabbed Ryan Key.

"NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Helga screamed.

The thing ate Ryan Key, then tried to come in through the door. All three girls were screaming their respective heads off.

"DON'T LET THEM INNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Helga screamed.

"WHERE IS MY YELLOW CLOAK? **I'VE LOST MY YELLOW CLOAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" **SNAITF screamed

"OH, SH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Moosey

"GASP!!!! YOU CUSSED!!!!! YOUR MOM IS GONNA **KILL** YOU!!!!!!!" Yelled Helga

"She could come in right now, and I wouldn't care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dylan said yes, and Cate is dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Moosey said

Moosey's mom came in. "Moosey, you have to clean the litter box, load the dishes, bring Democracy to China (A/N" I have no idea if China is still a Communist country, but last I heard, it was, SO) and feed a dinosaur, or else you can't talk to your friends EVER AGAIN!!!!!"

"... Why?"

"Because I said so, now get to it!"

"Can they help?

"Sure."

"Um, no offense Mrs. Moosey, but dinosaurs are extinct" said SNAITF.

"What have you been doing all this time?"

"Just planning Halloween." said Helga.

"What are y'all going as this year?"

"We were going to go as Goths."

"All three of you?"

"Yup!"

"Well, that'll be fun. Have a good time!" she said, and left.

"Phew, she's gone!"

"Yeah!"

"Your mom sucks! How are we supposed to do all that stuff?"

"Don't ask me! I'm her daughter."

"Sigh! Let's get started!"

Moosey's mom comes in."YOU CAN'T GO AS GOTHS!!!!!!!!"

"WHY?????"

"BECAUSE GOTHS ARE DEMONIC AND A DEVIL-WORSHIPPING CULT!!!!! YOU CAN'T GO!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"BUT YOU JUST SAID WE COULD GO 2 SECONDS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"WELL, YOU CAN'T!!!"

"What's a Goth?" asked Pippin.

"I'll tell you later." said SNAITF.

"Let's go do all that stuff, you guys." Said Moosey

"Sorry, I gotta stay here and write this story" said SNAITF

"You can write it later." Moosey said.

"Can I put up what I have so far?"

"Sure. We'll wait"

"Okay"


	7. The Brontosaurus and the Plan

Pippin the Ringbearer

A/N: LOL!!!!!! I think I lost my sanity last chapter!!!! :) Anyways, review answers:

FlameTalon: Yeah! The sad part is, that's a true story! We were going as Goths, and we had already bought our costumes from Hot Topic, and out of the blue Moosey's mom gets the urge to look up 'Goths' on the Internet!!!! GRRR... dumb mom! :)

TheGhostOfMoosey: Your name is changed to that until you're not banned anymore!!! :)(Evil laughter) Did I really put Cate Blanchett? I meant Cate Bosworth!!!!! :) Weird!!! :)You ARE dead!!!!!!!! ) --- that looks funny!!! Oh, and my stupid computer won't let me reply or send emails, so just I'll just put it in this Review Response. I don't care! Writing these are fun!!!!!!!! :) As I said before, I meant Cate Bosworth!!!!!! :)!!!!!!

HarryEstel: FYI, I ate 2 Dr. Peppers, but that's not the reason! The reason was that I didn't sleep at **_ALL_** the night before, and me off my adderall no sleep HYPERNESS!

HelgaMoon: LOL!!!!! :) I killed Ryan Key because you talk about him too much!!!! WORLD DOMINATION!!!!!!!!!!!!! Great, now I'm starting to sound like Moosey!!!!! :)(sigh) fine, I'll bring him back!!!! ;)

Mina aka: Mockingbird: LOL!!!!!! That's too funny!!!!! I do anything to help people skip math class!!! :) Thank you for the praise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Red-Devil15: hehe... Don't you love it when I'm odd? :)

The Hobbit Lass: Hello!!! Welcome to my story!!! :) I don't think I've gotten a review from you before!!!! :) Insanity has to be the best thing in the world!!!!!!! :) As you can probably tell, I like Smileys and using an excess amount of exclamation marks!!!!!!!!! :)

SouthernGirl: :) Nobody gets my stories, it seems! :) Oh well, I like confusing people!!!!! ;)!!!!!!!

Yay!!!!! On with the story!

Chapter 7: The Brontosaurus and the Plan

"Your mom is gay!" SNAITF Complained.

"You said that before!" Replied Moosey.

"But this time I mean it!!!!"

"...Why are we climbing UP the dinosaur's neck?" Helga asked.

"Because Brontosaur's necks are extremely fragile and if we tried to feed it from the ground, it would break its own neck trying to reach it. Duh!" Said SNAITF

"Yeah! Don't you know anything?"

"...no."

"Sucks to be you then."

"Man, this sucks!!! Even after this, we still have to bring Democracy to China AND load the dishes!!!!!"

"This sucks"

You're mom is GAY!!!!!!!"

"YOU SAID THAT ALREADY!!!!!"

"Luckily, I brought my laptop that doesn't exist, so I can write my story while climbing up a dinosaur!"

"...rrright"

-In Middle Earth-

"That was kinda... weird!"

"Ya think?!?"

"What took you guys so long to get here?"

"Pippin"

"Oh... figures."

"Yea- HEY!!!!!"

"Hehe... so, did you guys want to ask me something, or..."

"Yeah, actually! You see ...Pippin managed to get hold of Gandalf's ring, and, um-"

"WHAT?!?"

"Yeah, real big mess. Anyways, -"

"How in the world did Pippin get the Ring?!?"

"Trust me, you don't want to know. Anyways, we wanted to know what we should do."

"Stare!!!! I have no idea!!!"

"Well, we have to **_SOMETHING!!!!!_**"

"...True"

"So what do we do?"

"Well, we need to get it back to Gandalf somehow."

"Wait... Frodo, are you still here?"

"Yeah"

"... how did you get here?"

"Gandalf teleported me here using a Fruit Roll-up and a sock."

"Oh... huh?"

"Nevermind, Pip!"

"Okay."

"So I'm guessing that Gandalf sent you here to take the Ring back to Valinor."

"Actually, I was sent to bring Ryan Key back to life and kill the thing that ate him because HelgaMoon would murder SNAITF if I didn't."

"Oh... okay"

"Yeah, but I can do the other thing too, if you wanted."

"Oh, naw! We'd rather do it the hard way to make the story longer"

"Oh, that's cool!"

"Yeah."

So Frodo brought Ryan Key back to life and transported himself and Ryan to Valinor. Helga stopped making death threats (I hope) and Moosey... was still dead. And I got to post my story from the top of a Brontosaurus ... Go me! :)

Hmmm... that wasn't as funny, but oh well! :)

REVIEW AND FLAME IF YOU WANT, I DON"T REALLY CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SNAITF


	8. China

Pippin the Ringbearer

A/N: I come home from school, and I have 12 new E-mails!!!!!12!!!!!!!!!!!! :) wow!!!!! :)

Oh, one question: should this be moved up to PG, you think? I'm at a loss on that topic. I thought that Aragorn chopping an orc's head off wasn't that bad, but everyone else in my class was like, "EEWWWW!" so... I don't know. Please express your opinion in your review. Thanks!!! :)

HelgaMoon: Yay!!! You're gonna stop the death threats!!!!!!! Did you even read chapter six? Moosey's mom said we had to feed a dinosaur! Duh! :)

TheGhostOfMoosey: Still banned? GOOD!!! I can keep saying you're dead!!!!! :) I'm not sure where that came from!! :) Your mom IS completely dumb!!! :) Okay, maybe not THAT dumb, but she is the dumbest smart person I've met besides me... and you!!! :)

HarryEstel: (reads review)... I'm not sure how, that's just what happens! And those 2 Dr. Peppers might have something to do with it!!! :) Thank you for the review!!!!! :)

FlameTalon: LOL!!!!!!! Don't try!!!!! :) It kinda came out of nowhere!!!!! :) Thank you for the review!!!! :)

Red-Devil15: I don't mind you quoting things!!!!!!! I think its fun!!!!!! Especially movies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ... Are you from England? Just a guess!!!!!! :) Take care now, Bye- bye then!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mina aka: Mockingbird: Sure, you can have him!!! I'm getting professional help, it's not working!!!!! :) not really! :)

On with the story!!! Oh, and I do not have disclaimers because I'm too lazy to put them. Just look at chapter 1 for the disclaimer! Can people **_ACTUALLY_** SUE YOU?!? That is gay!!!! :)

Chapter 7: China

"I officially do not like China!" SNAITF announced.

"Well, if you hadn't insisted on reenacting the Tiananmen Square Massacre, we wouldn't be in a Chinese prison right now, now would we?" said Moosey.

"And did you **_HAVE _**ask for directions in Elvish?" asked Helga.

"... Well, I thought that surely I'm not the only one obsessed enough to learn Elvish!"

"..."

"(sarcasm) Oh, yeah, like I'm the only one who knows Elvish in all of the world!"

"Actually, I think you are, SNAITF!" said Helga.

"Sigh! Fine then! I'll just work on Pippin the Ringbearer and NOT HAVE YOU IN IT!!!"

"... That's fine with us."

"Yeah, we don't care."

"Grrr..."

-Minas Tirith-

"-So then Gandalf gave the ring to Pippin, and forgot to get it back from him and left for Valinor without it"

"... That is the weirdest story I've ever heard!"

"So now what do we do, The Adorable King Elessar, sir?" Asked Sam

"Could you please stop calling me that?"

"... No"

"Sigh! And why not?!?"

"Because the author won't let us." Said Legolas

"That crazy girl that was just here?"

"Yeah"

"... You're listening to a GIRL?!?!?"

"You would, too if she yelled at you every time you said 'Ara-'"

"THE ADORABLE KING ELESSAR!!!!!!!!"

"EEP!!!!!"

"Hehehe"

"It's not funny!"

"HAHAHA!!!!!!!!"

"I'm hungry!"

"We just had dinner, Pip!"

"That was 2 hours ago!"

"So? You still shouldn't be hungry!!!"

"... Well, I am!!!"

"No you're not! You just think you are!"

"Really?"

"Yeah! Don't trust your brain, Peregrin Took. It's not the exactly best part of you."

"Yeah... HEY!!!!!!!"

"Hehe! Had to do that!"

"Shouldn't we start figuring out how to get the ring back to Valinor?"

"Um... Well, Gandalf transported Frodo with a fruit roll-up and a sock, so we could try that."

"Yes, but Gandalf is a wizard..."

"So?"

"Good point. Let's get to it!"

-Three Days Later-

"I'm seriously starting to doubt whether you can transport people with a sock or not."

"Oh Gee-wiz, Pip! You just figure that out?"

"Yup!"

"Sigh. This is going to be a long week."

"You can say that again!"

"This is going to be a long week."

"... yeah"

TBC...

A/n: I know it was kinda... short, but I wanted to get the message about the disclaimers out before somebody tried to sue me! :) REVIEW!!!! Flames will be used to kill my brothers!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOO-HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

SNAITF


	9. The Search For A Bajillion People

Pippin the Ringbearer

A/N: Hi again!!!!! Ok, I recently found out that this story did not accept anonymous reviews, but I fixed it now, so it's okay! :)! Here are the reviews! :)

HarryEstel: I'm glad you liked my story!!! :) Trust me, you don't want to have my brothers!!! My mom says she doesn't care if someone kidnaps them because she knows that they'll bring them right back, saying "We're sorry, just TAKE HIM BACK!!!!!" LOL! :) Thanks for the review!

TheGhostOfMoosey: You really need to pay more attention to the chapters! :) We're in China because your mom said we had to bring democracy to China!!! Duh!!! :) Wow... you're sick, dude! You need to, like, drink some Gatorade or something! ;) Thanks! YES!!!! You have seen the light!!! DRUMLINE SUCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATED THAT MOVIE! The main character is a JERK!!!!! Who would want to follow the story of a jerk, I ask you? NO ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! VALAR!!!!!!! But you did see Sister act! We have such a good arrangement of that in band, it's awesome!!!!! :)

Red-Devil15: "Very Massachusetts-ish-ly-ness"? ... Ok! :) Nice place, if my brother described it right! :) I've never been there myself! I want to, though!!! :) Your friend says that too? My brother says it ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME!!!!!! And it is so annoying! :)

FlameTalon: LOL!!!!! :) Yes it was! :) Thanks! :)

HelgaMoon: Yes, China!!! :) The KoT is... gross! Lard- flavored ice cream?!? EWW! :)  
Don't call Pippin dumb! :)

The Hobbit Lass: Thanks, I needed that! :) Not that I got a flame, Just some jerk was promoting in a review! Gosh, that's just wrong! Don't you think? wierd thing was, it didn't show up on the review thingie! Wierd... Anyways, thanks for the review! :)

Voldie on Varsity Track: YAY!!!!! You updated it!!! I like your disclaimers!!!!! :) I'm too lazy to put up mine!!!! :) Me update, You read, You review, We all happy! :) Sorry if that sounded like gibberish, I just read Congo. Amy is SO cute in that book!!! :)

Mina aka: Mockingbird: WE BOTH KNOW ELVISH!!!!!!!! :) See Moosey, I TOLD you!! Moosey: Bite me! Me: That's not very nice!!! :( :) Oh well! Thanks for the review!  
Mmmmm... Aragorn Cookies!!!!!!!!! One time, my brother made hamburgers with a heart-shaped cookie cutter for my other brother and his girlfriend!!!! They were tiny!!! :)

Shadow929: EEEEHHH!!!! Welcome to the insanity of my world!!!!!!!!! AAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST HAD THE MOST CAFFIENATED CUP OF TEA IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Moosey: HI! I just had a giant cup of the most caffeinated tea in the world (like SNAITF) AND I had TWO cups of caffeinated coffee with a cup of sugar in each one!!!!AND chocolate cake AND TWO peppermints!!!!I made an annoying sound on my fn saxophone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I"M HYPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
!!!!!!!!!!!! Me: Sorry, That's my friend spending the night. Check out her stories!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No really go check them out. Moosey: Yeah go check em out or you'll go first when I take over the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WORLD DOMINATION....WITH BITE SIZED ANIMAL CRACKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Me: We like you! When we take over the world, you can train the animal crackers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Moosey: NO WE DO NOT LIKE YOU I NEED MENTAL HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WORLD DOMINATION WITH BITE SIZED ANIMAL CRACKERS..... AND TERMINATORS WITH TOMMY GUNS AND FN POM POMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND JAM WITH MAYO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!OOOHHH OOOH AND FUZZY BUNNIES THAT AREN"T REALLY FUZZY BUNNIES BUT ACTUALLY GIANT ROBOT WARRIORS TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD UNDER MY COMMAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SNAITF SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(burst out into song...) IM THE RULER OF MAN AND APE! IM GOING TO BE THE RULER OF MAN AND APE AND YOU WILL GET TERMINATED AND THAT DIDN"T RYHME BUT I DON"T CARE DIE ALL YOU....PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
I AM THE RULER OF MAN AND APE YES I AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I"M GOING TO TAKE UP LIKE 50000649738564785624978562478562456 PAGES BUT I DON"T CARE NOW I MIGHT ACCTUALLY BE ANNOYING ENOUGH TO ACCTUALLY ANNNOY SNAITF"S MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
!!!!!!!! GIVE ME CHOCOLATE.....AND LASER BEAMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOTS OF EM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
!AND DON"T COMPLAIN THAT I WENT ON FOREVER WITH THIS NOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BECAUSE I AM BATMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AND THE RULER OF MAN AND APE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND COCKROACHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I"M A FREAKIN IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH  
HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I"M THE RULER Of MAN AND APE !!!!BECAUSE I'm BATMaN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok I'm done.................  
Me: ... Yeah, she's kinda.. TICKLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DON'T TICKLE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry, she's tickling me! :) Yes, you are,Moosey!!!!!  
Moosey:Yes I am!!!!!!!!!!!!Me: fighting for control... RUN AWAY!!!!!  
RUN AWAY FROM THE TREACHEROUS TICKLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please remember to give your opinion of whether I should change it to PG or not!!! :)

"WERE FINALLY DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Yelled Helga 

"Now say it!!!!" Said Moosey

"I don't wanna!" Yelled SNAITF

"SAY IT, OR I'LL TICKLE YOU AGAIN!!!!!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Okay, You don't, nor ever have liked Dylan!!!!!!!!!"

"Very good!!!!!"

"I don't like you!!!!"

"Well get over it!!!! Cuz I'm here for the weekend!!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Fine!"

-Middle Earth-

"So, what are we doing?"

"Pip, we've been trying to figure out how to get the ring back to Valinor for 3 hours now!" Said a very frustrated but still incredibly hot King Elessar.

"Oh ... Wait, why don't we just throw this ring into Mount Doom like the other one?"

"... Pippin, for a second there, I thought you looked kinda... SMART!!!!!"

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! I can't be smart!!!!!! It would ruin the story line!!!"

"Hehe! Just kidding!"

"Oh okay, but seriously, why don't we?"

"Because it was your idea"

"What's that have to do with anything?"

"Actually, I don't think that's such a bad idea!" Said Legolas

"What?!?"

"Yeah, I mean think about it; When the One Ring was destroyed, the Elven rings were stripped of there powers. They became ordinary rings, worthless, really. So it wouldn't hurt anything."

"Well, yeah, but this is A RING OF POWER! You don't just toss rings of power into a big fiery pit thing!"

"... That's what Frodo did."

"But you're not supposed to"

"Why?"

"Because I said so, and I'm King, so my vote counts a bajillion times! If you find a bajillion and one people who all say I'm wrong, then I am overruled and we can do it your way!"

"WHAT KIND OF A RULE IS THAT?!?!?"

"A diplomatic rule, now go find a bajillion people, or we do it my way!"

"You're mean!"

"Start counting, Elfie!!!"

"FINE!!!"

-Two Hours Later-

"Okay, that's 987,538,347,648,264 people. We only need a few more"

"Who said that a bajillion had to take so long to count to?"

"SNAITF did"

"Grrr... "

-Two Weeks Later-

"The Adorable King Elessar, sir! We got a bajillion and TWO votes!!!" said Sam

"... You can't be serious!"

"Yup! Counted them myself!"

"Great! Well, let's go then!"

"YAHOO!!! WE'RE GOIN' TO MORDOR!!!!!!"

"SHUT UP, ROOKIE!!!!"

"... what?"

"Nothing, it's from Red vs. Blue"

"What's that?"

"Never mind. Let's just go."

"Okay"

A/N: I know, it took me a while! But I have reasons, none of which I feel like telling right now... yeah, so REVIEW!!!!!!!! And I'll give you Legolas shaped brownies!!! That came out of nowhere, but STILL!!!!

Namaarie, Mellyn nin!!!

SNAITF


	10. The NEW Fellowship

Pippin the Ringbearer

A/N: Hello again!!! :) I now have another story, which I am putting up today (Friday). It will be one chapter, so I will put up the reviews for it in this story. Okay? Confused yet? Good, 'cause it's gonna get worse!!! :)

Another A/N: Ahem... sorry it took so long, I got kicked off for no reason because the people on fanfiction are GAY!!!!!!! I mean, I didn't DO anything!!! But oh well. At least it was my other story that they removed and not this one... oh well!!! :) I think I will repost IYGAADP just to annoy them...

_**Reviews for Pippin the Ringbearer!!**_

MooseyREINCARNATED: Okay! :) Did you read the next 2 chapters of Gondor High School yet? It's good! A little weird, but still good!!! :) You happy? Your name's changed! (grins evilly)

Shadow929: Wahoo!!!! :) Sweet! :) MOOSEY, YOU NEED TO READ HIS/HER REVIEW!!!!!!! You are helping us take over the world!!! YAY!!!! :) I'm sure Bob will lend his ninja monkeys to us! :) But there is one small problem: We are now no longer the Knights Who Say Ni... We are now the Knights Who Say Icky Icky Icky pecan zoopoin (mumbles something) :) Hehe... yeah! Thanks for the review!!! :)

Red Devil15: Tree-lets? Interesting... We might be able to train them to take over the world!!!!! MWUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, I'm better now! :) Thank you for the review, and thank you for not flaming me yet! ;) Are Tree-lets like Ents? That would be cool!!! :)

HelgaMoon: I'm not sure I want Lard- flavored ice cream, really! ;) Maybe I'll have Ryan as another Fellowship member!!! ;) Heck yeah, Drumline brought shame to me and my brothers... I mean band nerds! :) Ed does not like my brother, because he nearly ran him over today! :) Hello Double D! How are you? Your folks treating you well? Well, you know how that is! :) Thanks for reviewing, you 2! :)

Mina aka: Mockingbird: LOL!!!!!!! That was funny! Well, to answer your question, I have about 2 or 3 Dr. Peppers, then, after I'm sure it's kicked in, I ask myself, 'So what happens now?' and the caffeine takes it from there!!! :) But before I drink the Dr. Peppers, I have to answer reviews, or I'll go completely nuts on people (For an example, see Ch. 6! ) And that's really basically it!!!! :)

HarryEstel: Yes I am! And yes, people remind me of that misfortune constantly (glares at Moosey) Thanks!!! And PLEASE put your next chapter up! :)

_**Reviews for If You Gave Aragorn A Dr. Pepper!!**_

Kharina: Yes, we all need a break from heavy reading sometimes! That's why I write stories!! :) Thanks for the review!! :)

Shadow929: YAY!!!!! SUGAR GOOD FOR ED!!! :) Hehe!! :) Thanks! :)

FlameTalon: LOL!!!!! :) Thanks! :) You know me, I'm a funny girl! :) Have you stopped laughing yet?!? :)

VBC( ): In my experience, Stupid DOES equal funny!!!!!!!!! :) And I'm going to put lots of exclamation marks just to annoy you!!!! :) I like annoying people!!!!! :) Thanks for the review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Moosey: It's 'attention span', not 'intention span' you silly goose... or moose!! :) Thanks as always, Moosey!!!!!  
P.S.: Faggity fag fag faggot!!!!!!! :)

Pasha ToH: in this twisted mind, you never know what you'll find! :) But so far, I have found (looks at mind) Whoa!!! Is THIS what my mind looks like? Wow!!!!!!! :) oh! And FYI, I think they have a gut surgery to help you!!! :) Thanks! :)

SouthernGirl: What's 'ROFL'? I know LOL and LMAO! :) That's about the only internet lingo I know!! :) Your welcome! And thanks for reviewing!! :)

Strider's Girl: ... hmm, sequel! Never thought about that! Maybe Frodo could have a Mountain Dew from a burger joint on Mount Doom?!! I'll get back to you on that!!!!!!;) Thanks for the review!!!!!!!!!!!!

DRUNKEN LANDLORD: Sleep dep...dep... that word gets me hyper too!!!!!!!! In fact, I wrote Ch. 6 of this story after pulling a successful all-nighter!!!!!!! :) I don't know what lmfao means! BUT OH WELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) Thanks for the review!!!!!!! :)

Mina aka: Mockingbird: LOL!!!!! Yeah, I won't either! :) It just came out of nowhere! I haven't even seen Finding Nemo in a while!!!!!! :) Thanks for the review!!! ;)

Dreaming Maiden: Why, thank you!!! That's so sweet! :) May your stories never get flames!!! :) Kudos to you!!!!!

FavFan( ): Glad you like it!!! :) Thanks for the review!!!! :)

HelgaMoon: Why do you get that feeling, you ask? Because I was!!!!!!!! MUHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! And FYI, Mellyn nin is plural! You just said Farewell, my friends. And there's only one of me, unless I feel like writing schytshophenic (sp) scenes!!! How do you spell Schytsophrenic? The computer doesn't have any spelling suggestions! Stupid computer!!!!!!! :) AWW!!! Lil' Brudder!!!!! :)

Chelsea( ): I don't know who Anthony is and I don't care if you don't like my story! Only 2 people have flamed me, so you are overruled!!! :) Thanks for the review anyways!!!!!!! You've only succeeded boosting my want to write!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I SHALL ANNOY PEOPLE WITH STUPID STORIES!!!!!!!!!!Okay! Glad you liked the Nemo part!!! :) Sorry about the rest of this response thing! It's my evil side, who answers flames!!!! She just let me type on this because you said you liked something!!!! :) Bye! :)

Red-Devil15: I think that we have established that it was strange and good... and yet strange... :) LOL!!!!!! :) Thankie kindly!!!! :)

LarienCalaelen( ): I suppose not!!! :) I wrote them like that because that's how I react when I have 2 or more Dr. Peppers!!! :)

Chapter 10: The NEW Fellowship

"Who's coming with us?"

"There shall be nine!"

"I like ten!"

"No"

"Why?"

"Because ten is an even number!"

"...So?!?"

"So we can't have an even number of people!"

"Why?"

"Because I said so!"

"Fine... Well, there's the hobbits and us, that's five..."

"Gimli is coming, so that leaves three spots..."

Immediately, Helga, SNAITF, and Moosey run in

"WE WANNA COME!!!!" screamed SNAITF

"YEAH, WE DO!!!!!!" said Helga.

"Oh, great! Now we'll have three insane teenagers-"

Suddenly Frodo appeared in the room with Ryan Key.

"RYAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Shut UP, HELGA!!!!!" SNAITF and Moosey say at the same time.

"That was" says SNAITF

"Creepy" says Moosey

"Stop"

"Doing that"

"This is"

"Kinda cool"

"Yeah"

"Shut up!" said Helga

"Fine"

"Frodo, what are you doing here... again?" asked the incredibly, indescribably undeniably Moosey-I'll-kill-you-if-you-make-fun-of-him-ably, hotter-than-D-and-Legolas-combined-ingly HOT King Elessar.

"That is a really long title... Anyways, I'm here because Gandalf hates Ryan Key-"

"NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"-and wants to get rid of him"

"Oh... That's okay" said The Incredibly-

_**WE INTERUPT THIS STORY TO TELL YOU THAT SNAITF IS DUMB!!!!!!!**_

I resent that! Moosey, have you been on my computer and messed up my story AGAIN?!?

_**I'VE NEVER DONE IT BEFORE!!!!!!! D RULES!!!!!!!**_

(sighs) just when I was getting this story along, too!

_**D IS HOTTER THAN ARAGORN IS!!!!! D IS HOTTER THAN ARAGORN IS!!!!!!!**_

SHUT UP!!!!!!!

(silence)

Well, now that she's gone-

_**THAT TREE IS AWESOME!!!!!**_

MOOSEY!!!!!!!

_**SHUT UP!!!!!!!**_

GO AWAY, OR I WILL TEAR UP THE PICTURE YOU GAVE ME OF D!!!!!!!!

_**EEP!!!!!**_

Phew! She's gone! Anyways, on with the fic!

"Oh... That's okay" said the incredibly

_**STOP IT WITH THE LONG TITLES FOR ARAGORN ALREADY!!!!**_

FINE!!! Once again let's try to finish this sentence!!!!

"Oh... That's okay" said Aragorn (HAPPY?!?)

"Yeah! He can join the new Fellowship!" said Pippin.

"The Fellowship of Christian Athletes?" asked SNAITF

"No, SNAITF! That's only on Fridays" answered Moosey

"Oh, darn!"

"What are you guys-"

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE DIDN'T SAY YA'LL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"YEAH!!!!!! DON'T YOU KNOW TEXANS ARE EASILY FREAKED OUT BY PEOPLE WITH BRITSH ACCENTS THAT **_DON'T_** SAY **_YA'LL_**?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"

"Okay, okay! What are YA'LL talking about?"

"That's better! We're talking about FCA. It's a ...thing"

"Okay, that was REALLY specific!" said Aragorn sarcastically

"Yeah, I know"

"WHAT KIND OF A MADMAN DOES NOT SAY YA'LL?!?!?!?!?!?" screamed a very off-topic Helga.

"WAIT A MINUTE!!! If Ryan is in the Fellowship, and there's only nine people, ALL THREE OF US CAN'T BE IN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"...ya know, Gimli could always get trapped in a cave-in..."

"Or captured by stray orcs..."

"Or get lost..."

"Or be mistaken for Barbara Streisand. He's ugly enough!"

"Hehe, yeah! Or he could drowned in the River Anduin"

"Or have a 50 bajillion ton anvil drop on his head"

"...What?!?"

"It could happen!"

"No it couldn't!"

Just then, a messenger came in.

"My lord Aragorn-"

"THE ADORABLE KING ELESSAR!!!! HIS NAME IS THE ADORABLE KING ELESSAR!!!!!!!!!!! GET THAT THROUGH YOUR HEAD!!!!!!"

"Umm... The Adorable King Elessar, we have gotten news from the Lonely Mountain that Gimli died!"

"... HOW?!?!?!?"

"I believe, sir, that he was mistaken by orcs for Barbara Streisand and captured. Then he escaped the orcs, got lost, and fell into the River Anduin. When he finally got back to the Lonely Mountain, he got caught in a cave-in and got squashed by a 50 bajillion ton anvil that was hanging from the ceiling."

"...Wow"

"Hehe! I was right!!!"

"... yeah"

"Well, I guess that means we're in the Fellowship!"

Aragorn groaned "Valar help us!"

"That's the spirit!! Now ONWARD!!!"

They run out of this chapter and into the next one.

A/N: Did you like it?!? Hope so! :) please review!!!! AND PLEASE TELL ME IF I SHOULD CHANG THIS TO PG OR NOT!!!!!!! :)

Namaarie, Mellyn nin! :)

SNAITF


	11. D and Bobland

Pippin the Ringbearer

A/N: I'm back!!! :) I just got an immunization vaccine whatchumacallit, and now I feel terrible! Oh well! On with the story! :)

_**Review responses for Chapter 11**_

HelgaMoon: LOL!!!!! Jennifer?!? (I talked to his trumpet, and that's her name!) Poor Double-D has to sit next to Jennifer!!!!! :( Actually, I think D is worse!!! Seriously, she thinks a Dunpeal is hot?!?!? Grrr, I always hit the alt button when I type! It gets annoying! :) I haven't been hiding anything!!! We haven't? SHUT UP, YOU'LL GIVE US AWAY!!!!!!!!! Sorry! :) LOL!!! Ryan is extremely confused! :) Ed says hi, but he can't come to the computer right now, because mom grounded him. If he could, how would he type...? I doubt we'll ever know!!! :) Usually, I have to type for him!!! :) I'm freezing!!! (gets gigantic blanket) Okay, I'm better now!!! :)

HarryEstel: Aww, I cheered you up? YAY!!!!!! I usually just get on people's nerves when I'm hyper!!! :) Go me! :) I'm glad I cheered you up! :) You STILL haven't figured it out?!? It stands for my name, SirNotAppearingInThisFilm!!! :) Duh! :) Even MOOSEY got that! Moosey: Y-HEY!!!!!!!!! Me: Hehe, anyways, Glad you like my story and I LOVE YOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Moosey: HECK NO!!!!!!!! Are you kidding me? He'll kill everyone!!!!! :) No, There's already 9 people, so...(is threatened by DVD box) Okaaaay I think we can squeeze him into the story!!! Not the Fellowship, though!!! :)

Mina aka: Mockingbird: I know!! :) I'm going to put it up at the same time as I put this up! :) Thank you for the review!!!! :)

Shadow929: Yes, I saw Flying Circus a few times, but most of the lines I have memorized are from Monty Python and the Holy Grail!!!!! I LOVE that movie!!!!!! :) It is so unbelievably pointless, It's funny!!!!!!!!! :) Now I must type random keys: kshi;hkughjkgudsgflujgdjuygdskidhskiuhdkjgbsjbkjsbjhscbjhbsakhgwqiuhbjkcbiu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for the review!!!!! :)

Hobbitmaiden( ): Welcome to the story!!! :) I'm glad you like it!!!!! :)

Now, unless more people feel like threatening me in order for me to put in there favorite characters (Glares at Moosey and Helga), we can get on with the fic!!!!! :)

Chapter 11: D... and Bobland

"Are we-"started SNAITF

"AAAHHH!!! Not this again!!!!!"

"It's just a question, Leggy!!"

"Yeah. Don't forget who's writing this story!!!"

"Glare!!! Very well, just stop saying that!!!!!"

"I only said it once!"

"Sigh."

The Fellowship was on their way ...again. When suddenly:

"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG, IT'S D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Moosey! SHUT UP! Unless you want to scare him away!"

"Yeah, Don't you know that Dunpeals are frightened easily?!?"

"What's a Dunpeal?" asked The Adorable King Elessar

"It's a half human-half Vampire. Moosey's in love with this one!" answered Helga

"'Cause he's the son of Dracula!!!" said SNAITF

"AND BECAUSE HE'S UNBELIEVABLY HOT!!!!!!"

"Moosey! Do you want to scare him off?!?!?!?!?!?!?"

"No!"

"Then SHUT UP!!!!!"

"I'm lost" said Pippin

"For once, you're not the only one!!!" said Merry

"Oh, good... wait, HEY!!!!!!"

"Snicker! So these... Vampire things, what do they do?"

"THERE AREN'T VAMPIRES IN MIDDLE EARTH?!?"

"Moosey!!!! QUIET!!!!!!!"

"... No."

"They come after you in the middle of the night and suck your blood!!!"

"Shush, Moosey. We must consult the Gimungous Book of Mythology!"

SNAITF zaps back to Earth, goes to her room, grabs the Gimungous Book of Mythology, and zaps back.

"What took you so long?"

"Never mind. Okay, so we are looking for Vampires."

SNAITF flipped through the book, looking for it.

"Oooh! Aphrodite, cool..."

"AAHH! Can you look at anything for two seconds without forgetting what you were doing?!?"

"I was just looking at the picture of Aphrodite!"

"We are looking for Vampires!!!"

"Oh, all right! ... Oh, here we are!! 'Werewolves and Vampires: Evil spirited creatures-"

"He is not evil!!!!!!"

"'-Especially in Eastern European mythology. Werewolves are born with a red or saber-shaped birthmark, or with wolf-like tufts of hair. They are believed to possess magic powers that allow them to see into the future and to turn into animals, especially the fierce forest wolf.  
Vampires are the godless dead. They remain undecayed in their coffins and rise at night to suck the blood of those who sleep, often their own relatives.' So there!"

"I said it first!!"

"Yeah, but I said it second, and two is more than one!!! So HA!!!!"

"Are you going to carry that the ENTIRE way to Mordor?"

"Yes. Just in case it will be needed." (Foreshadowing! Or is it? You don't know!!!)

"I'm not sure about you, but I don't think I want to talk to an undecaying bloodsucking demon thing."

"Awww! Is my Arie-poo scared of the big bad Dunpeal?!?"

"...Yes?"

"I'll make it all better, lovie-poo!!!"

While the rest of the Fellowship snickered at Aragorn, who glared back, SNAITF walked up to D.

"Hey!! You! You little-Aragorn scaring twit!!!! Go away!!"

D just stared at her, not talking.

"Back, you savage beast!!! BACK!!!"

"Hmm... Come on, Dunpeal!! You see the stick? Go get the stick!! Come on! Get the stick!"

D drew his 534,876,328,768 foot long sword. SNAITF got scared and ran and hid behind Moosey, who promptly slapped her.

"HOW DARE YOU CALL HIM A TWIT!!!!!!!"

"I didn't! I called him a little Aragorn-scaring twit! There's a difference!!"

"And a savage beast" added Helga.

"You're not helping"

"What's he doing?"

"...I think he's going to get the stick!!!!"

D came back with the stick in his mouth.

"Um... Good Dunpeal!!! Now, put the sword away! That's a GOOD Dunpeal!!!!"

"SNAITF! Don't insult his intelligence!!!"

"I don't think he has any" said Helga

Moosey smacked Helga.

"What do we do with him? We can't take him to Mordor with us!"

"Why not?"

"Mordor is no place for a Dunpeal. Even one so brave as D"

"Stop stealing lines, SNAITF!"

"I'm not!"

"Are, too!"

"Are not!"

"Are, too!"

"Are not!"

"Are, too!"

"Are not!"

"Are, too!"

"Are not!"

"Are, too!"

"Are not!"

"Are, too!"

"Are not infinity!!!"

"Are too infinity plus one!!!"

"Are not infinity bajillion!"

"There isn't a higher number than infinity bajillion!" Said Helga.

"Is too!! Are too Googleazillion!!!"

There is a gasp heard from Helga and SNAITF.

"You DARE use the Sacred Number of Sacredness against the QUEEN?!?!?!?!?!?"

"What's she talking about?" asked Sam

"She's gone into Bobland mode!"

"What's Bobland?"

"What's Bobland? WHAT'S BOBLAND?!?!?!?!?"

"Uh-oh!"

"BOBLAND IS ONLY THE BEST WORLD EVER MADE UP BY A 5TH GRADER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"TWO fifth graders!!!" Corrected Moosey

"Oh, yeah."

"...rrright"

"It's the world me and her made up when we got bored in English one day. We drew maps and pictures and stuff. She's the Queen of Bobland," explained Moosey.

"Okaaay..."

"I AM QUEEN LIMBOBABINABODAB!!!!!! BOW BEFORE ME!!!!!!!"

"This is scarier than watching Galadriel turn into that demon-thingy!"

"NONE SHALL ESCAPE THE WRATH OF THE QUEEN OF BOBLAND!!!!!!!!!!"

"Maybe we should make the next chapter when she's calmed down a little!!!" said Moosey

"I agree" agreed Helga

A/N: There's that chapter!!! Now, hopefully Moosey will stop threatening me to put D in my story!!!!!! Hehe, there's a thing on the Discovery Channel my brother is watching about a machine called Bob!!! :) Anyways, if Moosey doesn't kill me first, I'll update soon!!! :) REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And that is an actual paragraph of a Mythology book that I have!!!!! :)

Namaarie, Mellyn nin

SNAITF


	12. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOOSEY!

Pippin the Ringbearer

A/N: Okies!!! I'm eating a Bubble Jug, which is surprisingly good considering I found it in my brother's room and therefore has to be at least 4 years old!!! :) Reviews!!!!!!

_**Reviews for Pippin the Ringbearer!!!**_

Red-Devil15: Sorry for missing you last chapter!!! :) I'm really glad you like my story!!!!! :) Thankies!!!!! :)

HelgaMoon: Dari-GAY cat wasn't gay, if I remember correctly!!! :) That was disgusting!!!!!!! Rolling on floor laughing? OOOOOHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (consults Mythology Book) Surprisingly, they're in here!!!! Jocks and Preps: Really really gay people. Jocks are football players. There entire life revolves around football. They are usually too stupid to recognize a doorpost from a wall. Preps are just #$$# and- Moosey: SNAITF!!! LANGUAGE!!!!! Snaitf: Oh, sorry! :) anyways, thanks for the review!!!!! :) And I know what FYI is!!! I'm not that stupid!!! Ed says hi to Double D and says that Jennifer is really not that bad. She just has a very bad owner!!!

Hobbitmaiden: GREEK MYTHOLOGY DOES RULE!!!!!!!! :) And vampires are awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Except for D. Moosey talks about him WAY too much for an anime character! :) Hope you're not lost anymore!!! :)

HarryEstel: hmm... My email didn't put up author alerts yesterday either!!! Weird. TTFN... Well, not really since you still have to read the chapter!!! :)

Shadow929: Aww... I like you when you're on sugar!!!! You make less sense!!! :) The Muffin Man?

Moosey: IT'S NOT **_MY _**FAULT THAT YOU ARE ADDICTED TO STEAK EXPRESS'S TEA AND THAT YOU WANTED TO WATCH BLOODLUST!!!!!!! I DIDN'T WANT TO WATCH BLOODLUST, YOU DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY DON'T **_YOU_** CRAWL IN A CORNER AND DIE!!!!!(Goes more demonic-like than Moosey) I WILL INSULT HIM WHEN I LIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I CANNOT GO, BECAUSE WHEN YOU TAKE OVER THE WORLD**_ WHO WILL BE YOUR PARTNER IN CRIME WITHOUT ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?_** AND MRS. COOPER SAID THAT LAST YEAR, DUM DUM!!!! THAT'S NOT VERY LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I DIDN'T MAKE D A DOG, I MAKE HIM ACT LIKE ONE!!!!!!!!!!! I like Pippin more!! No wait... yeah, I like Aragorn more!!!!! :) SO DON'T KILL HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mina aka: Mockingbird: LOL!!!!! :) Very graceful!!!!!! :) The funny part is, Moosey really is in love with him and she will probably kill me the next time she sees me!!!!!!! :) And he's a cartoon...

Jihyonh: I like to confuse people!!! :) My Auntie Lynne is in Korea... no wait, she moved, I think!!! :) ...Yeah, she moved, but she used to live there!!! :) Thanks again!!! :)

Smeagol Fasir Kenobi: Thanks!!! :) You get up at eight in the morning on the WEEKENDS?!? Church for us is at ten-thirty!!! It's okay if you don't understand half of it, because half of it is an inside joke that no one understands but Helga and Moosey! :) Thanks, I'm glad you like it!!! :)

_**Reviews for If You Gave Aragorn a Dr. Pepper!!!**_

Reasonably Crazy: Okay!! That's about the weirdest review I've ever gotten!!!!! :) Congrats!!!!!! :)

Mornflower: Thanks!!!! Please write a short funny story!!!!!! :) You would be good at funny!!! :)

Jihyonh: I know I do!!!!! :) Thanks for adding me to your fave list!!! I appreciate it much!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HarryEstel: I know I am!!!! :) Thanks!!!!! :)

Shadow929: Yes, I did!!! :) YOU GOT SUGAR!!!!!! :) Glad you're happy!!!!! :)

Calliope-Elven-Agent: I hope you didn't type Smelrond by accident!!!!!!!! :) That would be very funny!!!!! :) (Imagines it, dies of laughter) WOOSH!!! (Gets brought back to life) That was cool!!!!!! Thanks!!!!! :)

Mina aka: Mockingbird: We all hope so... Thanks!!! :)

?: Thanks much!!!!!

HelgaMoon: They took it off because of misuse of the English language or something like that!!! :( And I haven't changed it one bit from the first attempt!!! :)

Smeagol Fasir Kenobi: Thanks!!! I tried to make it look like what I sound like on Dr. Pepper!!! :) Mae carnen on your fic, too! :) Hope you didn't get into too much trouble!!! :)

A/n: Thanks to everyone! And I'm sorry I couldn't update faster!! We ran out of Dr. Pepper, and so I went slightly psychotic! :)But I'm okay now! If it is possible to be addicted to Dr. Pepper, then I think I am!!! :)

Chapter 12: Happy Birthday, Moosey!!!

"ATTENTION, FELLOWSHIP!!!!!" Snaitf screams

The Fellowship, seeing as it was 1:00 in the morning, grumbled in response.

"I want to make an announcement!!! Today is Moosey's birthday, so this fanfic will now written like I think she wants it to!!"

"Oh, great!!" Said Helga, "I am so going to die!"

"Sweet!" Said Moosey

D became suddenly intelligent and (somehow) hot, Pippin was still clueless, and Snaitf shut up. Moosey's idea of paradise.

"You mean I could make Ryan Key get captured by orcs?"

"Helga would kill you, but yeah"

"SWEET!!!"

Suddenly, a group of orcs ran in, and Moosey was saved by D, who then fell madly in love with her. Unfortunately, the orcs spotted Ryan Key.

"Barbara Streisand! Get her!!!" yelled orc #345

"We already caught Barbara Streisand, though!" replied orc#65,465

"But she escaped, remember?"

"Oh, yeah"

"GET HER!!!!"

"I like where this is going!" said Snaitf

"NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RYAN KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYY"

"... Let's go to Mordor!"

"Ooh! I always wanted to go to Mordor! It's like the best place around" Said Moosey sarcastically

"Yup!"

"Shut up, Snaitf!"

Suddenly, D started talking: "Moosey, I love you."

"I love you too!"

"Kiss me"

"Okay!"

They kiss, making Snaitf gag.

"Honestly, I just had breakfast!" Snaitf mutters.

"Nice"

Well, D and Moosey continue to flirt (shudders) and suddenly, Cate BOSWORTH comes in! (I made her kill the wrong Cate last time...)

"DIE!!!!!"

An Oliphant that appeared out of nowhere smashes Cate.

There was silence for a while, then suddenly, Snaitf said something completely random.

"You know, if I didn't have a right hand, I'd probably be left-handed." Said Snaitf.

"WHAT?!?" said Helga

"Was I speaking French?"

"No, you were speaking Idiot"

"Oh, VERY mature!"

"Yes, I know"

"Snigger. This is fun!!!" said Moosey

"Hey! Snaitf, Moosey, come here! I got an idea!"

"This is bad" Said Aragorn as the three converse in a corner.

"Very bad." Agreed Legolas

-With The Girls...-

"Snigger! This will be the best prank in the history of Arda!"

"What?"

"Nevermind. Let's do it!"

"Yeah!"

-That Night-

The Fellowship was having dinner. Legolas took a drink from his canteen. BIG mistake.

"BOOGER!!!"

Legolas snorted, spewing water everywhere. The teenagers burst out laughing.

"Oh, man!! That was priceless!!!" said Helga

"Man! We haven't gotten anyone that good since that time with Snaitf!" said Moosey

Snaitf was laughing too hard to say anything.

"Oh, very funny! I got my shirt wet."

"Take it off, then" suggested Aragorn

"YES!!!" said Helga and Moosey simultaneously

"No" said Legolas flatly

"Aww, come on! I wouldn't want my favorite elf to catch a cold!"

"Elves don't get sick, Moosey"

"SHHHHH!!!"

Legolas looked at them. "That's okay! It's not really that wet."

Snaitf snorted "Not that wet. It's soaked!"

Legolas glared.

"It's my birthday, and you will do as I say!!"

"Great." Sighing, Leggy took his brown shirt-thing off.

"Drool. That blue thing is awesome."

Snaitf rolled her eyes. "Honestly!"

"What? You're the one with the idea of this being a surprise birthday present!"

"Sigh. I guess that's true"

"Yup!!! And now, we shall all go to my house and watch Anime!"

"Preferably Castles in the Sky." Said Snaitf

"You could bring Akira over. You said that was good." Said Moosey

"I haven't seen Toturo yet." Said Helga (Not sure if I spelled that right!)

"I don't care what we watch, as long as it's Anime" said Snaitf

"PRINCESS MONONOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Yeah!!!"

"Ok!"

"Hey! What about the Quest? We still need to destroy Gandalf's ring!!" said Aragorn

"umm... Just hang on!!!"

"Yeah. Think of it as the movie being on pause or something"

"But-"

"No buts. We won't be gone long."

"sigh. All right!"

A/N: Well, What'd you think?!? Okay, I know I'm posting this the day AFTER Moosey's birthday, but it's still like a surprise birthday present because I forgot to give one to her at her party! So, there's that chapter! Next chapter, I'm writing it normal again. If that's considered normal! :)

Namaarie, Mellyn nin!

Snaitf


	13. Lifestyles of the Sugar High Band Nerds

Pippin the Ringbearer

A/N: Sorry I didn't update sooner! I didn't know what to write for a while. And then when I started to write, ADD kicked in and... Ooh! Starcraft: Brood War! Must play... NO!!! MUST WRITE!!!! :) The only reason I am writing right now is that I'm sick and I had to sneak out of bed because Mom wouldn't let me move!!! :( Anyways, here's the reviews! :)

_**Reviews for Pippin the Ringbearer**_

HarryEstel: No! For some reason, Pixie Sticks don't get me hyper... unless they're the ones that are like a yard long!!! :) I usually have a boatload of Dr. Pepper, and that's about it!! :) Thank you very much!!!!! :)

Shadow929: Wow... you are hyper!!!!! ATTENTION MOOSEY: READ HER REVIEW!!! I think she'll read it now. She usually doesn't read reviews!!! :) Frodo's in Valinor. I don't know about that one... But Hobbits doing the Can-can? Sure! :)

Moosey: I told you you wouldn't kill me for that!! Didn't I tell you? Aww, shucks! Was it really that good? I made you kill the RIGHT Cate this time!!! ;) And Helga is possessed. I mean, my Bob!!! She's a REALLY good fluff writer, but jeez!! It gives me the creeps! :) Jare-Bear is playing Ed! And he didn't even ask me!!!! Happy Birthday! :) This chap will kinda explain why I was late for the band thing!

HelgaMoon: Yes I remember the grape war!! :) Oh right! Jennifer didn't mean no offense by it! :) You don't want me to mention the emails, and yet YOU are putting all the people you like in your review!!! HELGA HILLIARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CHIBI ARAGORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, Moosey doesn't really like Dylan anymore, and she'll kill me if I put him back in... then again, that didn't keep me from killing Ryan Key... twice! :) Thanks much! Oh, and this chapter should give you an idea of why I was late for the band thing! :)

Smeagol Fasir Kenobi: Yay!!! You get to sleep in!!! :) Good for you! :) Your Noon Mass is in Spanish? COOL!! My brother took Spanish in all 4 years of High School!! And he got better grades in Spanish than he did in English!!! :) I'm pretty much tone deaf! :) I wouldn't be any good at Cross Country! I'm bad enough at Rec. Tennis! :) Thanks for the review!! :)

Mina aka: Mockingbird: Thanks!!! :) Yes, Cate is dead! :) I'm watching Aqua Team: Hunger Force. It's really funny!!! :) Moosey thanks you for the birthday wish! :) The only reasons I wrote Moosey's birthday is 1.) She was fixing to kill me because I... ACCIDENTLY found out Moosey's password and read enough blackmail to last the rest of her and Helga's lives, and 2.) I felt bad about forgetting to get Moosey a present at her party, so I made this as her birthday present instead. :) Thanks a lot!!!! :)

_**Reviews For If You Gave Aragorn A Dr. Pepper**_

Book Anaconda in the Rain: Thank you very much!!! :) Stupidness does rock!!! :) I love Dr. Pepper, too!!!!! :)

Chapter 13: Lifestyles of the Sugar-High Band Nerds

It was Legolas's turn to take watch that night. As soon as he was absolutely SURE that EVERYONE was asleep, he took out his canteen slowly, and started taking a drink. But not everyone was asleep...

"BOOGER!!!"

"SPEW!! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU 3!!!!!!"

They were too busy laughing to notice. Of course, this woke everyone up.

"And just WHAT are you doing?"

"Pranking Legolas... again."

"This is the third night in a row! Will you give Legolas a break?"

"...NO!!"

"Sigh. Sorry, Legolas, I tried!"

"Great."

"Wait! I hear orcs!!"

"Why is there orcs in this fanfic?" asked Moosey

"Why is you being use improper English?" said Snaitf

"Shut up!"

"Your face needs to shut up!"

"Your mom!"

"Your spleen!"

"Your Gall Bladder!"

"Your brain!"

"Your Medulla Oblongata!"

"YOUR GLUDIUS MAXIMUS!!"

"YOUR KIDNEY!"

"You two need to shut up" said Aragorn

"YOUR CORNEA!!"

"YOU ALL!!!" yelled Merry

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE DIDN'T SAY YA'LL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Now be QUIET!!"

(Silence)

"Dude, that's like the fifth time that's work."

"Yeah."

"Anyways, me, Helga and Snaitf are going to the football game because we are playing in the stands tonight"

"Again with the not use of not bad English"

"Speak for yourself. At least you is being understand I!!"

"And it's the only night in the entire year. How much of a jip is that?" said a once again off-topic Helga.

"I know! We should be able to play more than just once!"

"Seriously!"

"What are yo- ya'll talking about?"

"We are talking about band!"

"Yeah! It's only the best thing created in the history of Arda!!"

"What are you talking about, Snaitf?"

"Arda! You know, like Middle Earth?"

".... Ummm"

"Did you even READ The Silmarillion?!?"

"Yeah! ... Kinda"

"Right, sure. Well, we need to get going before we are late and we get a zero on our report cards."

"Kay. see ya'll!" said Moosey

"Bye!"said Helga

"Namaarie, Mellyn nin!" said Snaitf

"That was kinda... weird"

"Well, at least they're gone!"

"Yeah! Now we can make fun of Pippin without Snaitf hitting me!"

"YAY!! ... wait... HEY!!!!"

"snort chuckle snort!"

"That wasn't funny!!!"

"Yes it was!"

"It was?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, okay."

"Well, we should get going. We are almost to Mordor!"

"Yippee."

"I know."

Well, they went on for a while and finally, the Pass of Cirith Ungol lay before them.

"(drool) Pretty... LET'S GO THERE!!!" said Pippin

"Does the name 'the pass of Spider's Pass' throw up a huge red flag in your brain?"

"Umm... what?"

"Never mind!"

"But can we go?!?"

"Do you want to die?"

"I guess so! That sounds like fun!!!"

"Hmm... tell you what: how bout we wait for the girls to come back and THEY can go in and see if it's safe?"

"Okay!"

"Sweet"

Translations for Elvish and Inside Jokes: (probably should have started this sooner, huh?)

Ya'll: Texas slang for You All

Cirith Ungol: Spider's Pass

Your face, etc. jokes: don't ask. You're better off not knowing

Namaarie, Mellyn Nin: Farewell, my friends

Mellon nin: my friend

The cracks made at improper English: A) We hate English because our teacher is evil, and B) Moosey got kicked off of this site for misuse of proper English!! :)

A/N: Uh-Oh! What's I store for our two friends?!?

Moosey: three.

Snaitf: what?

Moosey: I said three. There's three of us, stupid!

Snaitf: Your face is stupid!

Helga: Could we please not start that again?!?

Snaitf: whatever. REVIEW!!!!

Namaarie, Mellyn nin!!!


	14. Shelob's Lair and Other Random Stuff!

Pippin the Ringbearer

A/n: okies, hopefully now you are happy that I updated!! Sorry again for the wait!! If you want to know why I am late updating, read my review for Estel and Greenleaf by HarryEstel, because I'm too lazy to type it all again!!! In fact, just read Estel and Greenleaf because it is freakin' awesome!!! :) Oh, and just so's you know, I've been reading The Silmarillion all week, so I might start going Old English up in here... What was that all about?!? Cool! I just found a big thing of chocolate covered peanuts!! bleh! No, those were raisins! :) Anyways, reviews!!!

_**Reviews for Pippin the Ringbearer**_

Smeagol Fasir Kenobi: Yay!!!! SAXOPHONES RULE!!!! I play Saxophone (as you can tell) I've played Helga's trumpet before, but I don't have braces. You rambled on for 7 pages?!? (snicker) Jurassic Park got screwed up in the movie!!! :( Of course, they always mess up Michael Crichton movies, don't they? -.- I mean, seriously! Anyways, I tend to ramble on, too, so... yeah

HarryEstel: LOL!!!! :) Very true. Maybe I am crazy (thinks) (fails to think) hmmm.... what? What was I doing? Oh, right! Thanks!!! :)

SNAITF: STOP REVIEWING YOUR OWN STORY!!!!!! :) But thanks anyways... what am I doing? I'm thanking myself for reviewing myself!! Maybe HarryEstel is right...

Shadow929: Okies!!!! :) Sorry for the wait!!!! :) And thanks!!!!!! :)

HelgaMoon: Hi!! Unfortunately, this fic has a no-butts-on-fire policy!! :) CONGO IS NOT BORING!!!!! WHAT IS THE M ATTER WITH YOU?!?!?!?!?!?!? You are dumb!! Anyways thanks! Orange Sugar Death Drink?!? (gives weird look)

Mina aka: Mockingbird: Join the club, we have T-shirts. (is wearing an "I hate English" T-shirt) Glad you like it!!! :) I watched Shrek 2 and Puss in Boots is SOOO CUTE!!! AWW! WOOK AT HIS HUGE FREAKIN EYES! THEY'RE SO ADORABLE!!!! Yeah, kinda random...

Chapter 14: Shelob's Lair and Other Random Stuff

The three girls returned to the... camp... place... thing

"Come, my friends, let us Eata Fajita"

"I'm sorry?"

"I said, let us Eata Fajita!"

"And what, pray tell, is a Fajita?"

"You don't know what a fajita is?!?"

"No. Enlighten us, dear friend"

"'Enlighten us, dear friend?!?' I AM going Old English up in this foshizzle!!!"

"Snaitf!!! Shut up!!"

"Anyways, a fajita is... this, like tortilla thing with grilled vegetables and meat and stuff"

Suddenly, the English teacher appeared out of nowhere!!!

"Snaitf! Your English is deplorable! You need to pronounce your letters Con she en shus lee!" She said, pronouncing each syllable like it was a different word.

"RUN AWAY!!!"

"THAT WAS NOT A COMPLETE SENTENCE!!!"

"Oh... WE WILL RUN AWAY!!!"

"There, you see?!? 'We' is RECEIVING the action of running away. You are in GT English and if you don't know this, you will not have a fun time in blah, blah, blah, blabity blah blah blah!!!"

"Did she just say something?"

"I don't think so"

"Then let's go!!!"

"OK!!!"

So, Moosey, Snaitf, and Helga ran into Cirith Ungol, awakening the evil that lurked there with their incessant talking.

"I got a big vocabulary in this chapter!"

"Shut up, Snaitf"

"Your face!"

"Your spleen!"

"You secretly wish you could marry Saruman!"

"You secretly wish you could marry Gimli"

"You secretly wish you could marry Sauron!!!"

"You secretly wish you could marry LEVI!!"

And thus the insults went back and forth between them, and they walked unknowingly into Shelob's lair.

"Actually, we were technically already IN Shelob's Lair."

SHUT UP!!! Anyways, they walked unknowingly into Shelob's lair.

"I had this WEIRD dream last night! There was this cool Mexican dude at our house and he was COOL!! I mean he was all like, "Hey... I'm a cool Mexican dude in your house!" And we were all like, "Hey! Let's show him our favorite movies, because he's so cool!" So we did, and Chachi's favorite movie was ANOTHER dream I had last week! And then my favorite movie was-"

"Wait, what was the other dream?"

"Oh that. Well, me and Moosey were at Legolasina's house, except it was Moosey's house and Rachel was there, and she was all, like, evil and stuff. And she stabbed Moosey with a her flute in the stomach, and then me and Moosey ran to my house, which is right next to Legolasina's, but my house was like Rachel's evil lair thing because she took it over and then she took Moosey hostage and Helga was already hostage, and she said she'd, like, kill you guys unless I gave her something I forgot what and ya'll escaped and I escaped with ya'll, and then that's where I woke up"

"Stare"

"Stare"

"Yeah, so anyways, my favorite movie was ROTK, no surprise there, and I didn't even get to watch it because I woke up!!!"

"Stare"

"Stare"

"Chachi's movie was a lot more serious in my dream..."

"Stare... I got stabbed with a FLUTE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"

"Yeah!"

"What the CRAP?!?!?!?!?!?"

"But Rachel was, like, freakin EVIL!!!"

"WHAT THE CRAP?!?!?!?!?"

This was the moment when Shelob decided to pounce.

-Back with the Fellowship... thing-

The Fellowship is there... with the English teacher... who is making really corny jokes that she expects everyone to laugh at.

"Hey, do you think we should go after them? I mean, they are writing this story..." asked Aragorn

"So?" replied Legolas

"SO?!? Can you imagine how we would end up without them?!?"

"... how would we end up?"

We could end up in a slash fic, or get captured by orcs, or-"

"Get in a slash fic AND get captured by orcs!!!" says Pippin, looking triumphant because he had actually thought of something.

At the suggestion of appearing in a slash fic, the entire Fellowship ran to save the three girls. But perhaps too late...

_**TBC...**_

Hehe, sort of a cliffie, huh? I've never done cliffies before! These are fun!!!! :) Oh, and by the way, that was a real dream I had last week. Both of them!!! :) Read my Bio for more information on my friend Rachel. There's really only one place I mention her, but oh well!! :) And I know it was short, but oh well!! :)

Namaarie, Mellyn nin!

Snaitf


	15. Don't you like Never Ending Story?

Pippin the Ringbearer

A/N: Me and Moosey are arguing whether saying 'what' is considered talking. I put her on speaker phone, and I told her to talk, and she said "what?" And I said "You're not talking" and she said "I was. I said what. Is 'what' not considered talking?" So we've been arguing about it for a bit. Random? Definitely. Yeah... so REVIEWS!! Oh, and I apologize in advance for those of you who like slash. And if you flame me saying "you like slash" and "how could I say stuff like that" I will just laugh and say "Ha! You like slash? What a loser!" (Cough) Yeah, anyways REVIEWS!!!

_**Reviews for Pippin the Ringbearer-Chapter 14**_

Moosey: YAY!! YOU GET TO COME OVER!!!!!! MY NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE INSANE BECAUSE YOU WILL HELP WRITE IT AND WE WILL GO COMPLETELY NUTS ON PEOPLE LIKE IN CHAPTER 6!!!!!!! YAY!!!!! Hannon lle, Mellon nin! I SAID SOMETHING IN ELVISH!!! I AM FREAKIN HYPER!!

HarryEstel: Hehe!! You had me laughing at your review!!! Man, that Mexican dude was COOL!!! You should try listening to Helga's dreams!!! There was this one she told Moosey about in her email and- Helga: SNAITF!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHUT UP!!! Snaitf: Never mind. You're better off not knowing! You only had ONE freakin' test?!? We've had at least 30!!! I've made pretty good grades on them except that one!!! :) I've never made below an A... well there was that one time, but it was an 89.7, so they rounded it to a 90, but... still. What does "endowsing" mean? You use too big of words!! :) Thanks for the review!!!

MornieGalad: YAY!!! I know it's weird!!! I take being weird as a compliment, so thanks!!!!!

Mina aka: Mockingbird: I don't know... All of the ones I've had have been evil, except for one, and she retired the year after I was in her class. She was really nice, though!! :) Thanks a lot!! :)

Smeagol Fasir Kenobi: I love it when you ramble. It's so fun to read!! :) I know!!! And THEN they made Jurassic Park 3, I have NO idea where THAT came from!!! And Hammond just showing up out of the blue at their trailer and the guy didn't even come to ask them what they knew about Hammond yet!!! AND they even screwed up the prologue!!! It was a KID, and you never SAW him get eaten, in fact, HE DIDN'T GET EATEN!!! HE **_DIED_** IN A **_HOSPITAL_**!!!!! You understand Chaos Theory? I understand... the basic part of it. I bet if someone had tried to teach me before I read Jurassic Park, it would have been worded in "Mathematical Gibberish" and I would have completely missed the point. Ian Malcolm is my favorite character because A) He's from Texas, and B) He actually makes SENSE whenever he tries to explain things in the book!! And I was so sad when he died in the first one, but then he was the one of the main characters in the second one and I was like, YAY!!!!!!! AND THEY NEVER EXPLAINED THAT THE RAPTORS WERE MIGRATING!!!!! And they shouldn't tell you that it was the frog DNA that changed them into males until the very end!!! Wow, I really rambled on that one!!! Thanks so much for the advice!!!! :) It helped a lot!! :)

Chapter15: Don't You Like Never Ending Story?

Shelob pounced on a mouse right next to Snaitf, causing her to scream and jump into Moosey's arms like Scooby Doo. Of course, this is not a cartoon, and Moosey is not Arnold Freakin Schwarzenegger, so Moosey and Snaitf ended up in a heap on the floor.

"Get OFF, SNAITF!!!!"

"Sorry."

"Hey, um... Shelob? This is kinda strange talking to a spider but... why aren't you eating us?" asked Helga

"Aww, dude, I hate the taste of teenagers. They're just too bony and gritty, like squishy tofu... or cow brains." Shelob answered.

"I taste like cow brains? Cool." Commented Moosey

"Since we aren't in danger anymore, I got a song stuck in my head out of nowhere!" said Snaitf suddenly

"I don't think I want to know, but what song is it?"

"Turn around... And look at what you SEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! Everything... Is a mirror of your DREEEEAAAAMMMMMSSS!!!!!"

"Oh, BOB!!"

"What? Don't you like Never Ending Story?!?"

"NO!!!"

"Mumble mumble SOMETHING!! IS THE ANSWER TO A NEVER ENDING STORRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!! AAAHH-AHAHA-AAHHH!! NEVER ENDING STORRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY"

"Groan! Why me?!?"

"Reach the stars... and live a FANTASYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! Dream a dream... and what you see will BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Something I don't remember even though I saw it today!! Something about a rainbow!! IS THE ANSWER TO A NEVER ENDING STORYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHA!!! NEVER ENDING STORYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"SNAITF! IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP RIGHT NOW, I AM GOING TO PULL YOUR EARS OFF SO YOU CAN NEVER GET PLASTIC SURGERY AND MAKE YOUR EARS POINTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Riiight."

"Thank you!"

Suddenly they heard voices.

"No! Cupcakes are WAAAY better than brownies."

"Nu-uh! Cupcakes have too much icing on them!! Brownies are awesome!"

"The icing is what makes them good!!"

"Pippin? Arie-poo, is that you?" asked Snaitf

"Umm... yeah"

"Why are ya'll talking about cupcakes and brownies?" asked Helga.

"And what are you doing here?"

"We are rescuing you!"

"SO YOU DO LOVE ME!!!!"

"WHAT?!?"

"See, Moosey? I told you he loved me!!"

"Um, how about no?!?"

"Pout. Fine."

"Drool! I have not had Hobbit since the Second Age!!" said Shelob

"Uh-oh! Pippin, RUN!!"

"Why?"

"JUST FLY, YOU FOOL OF A TOOK!!!!"

"FLYING!!!"

"It's fun calling Pippin a Fool of a Took!"

"Yup!!!"

"Maybe we should have told him to run the OTHER way so he would go in the direction of Mordor, hmm?"

"Naw. That's how she got Frodo."

"No it's not!!"

"Yeah-huh! Frodo was going to Mordor, having just escaped Shelob, and she trapped him and SCHMACK!! There goes Frodo!!"

"Riiight."

"Me and mom were watching ROTK, and I did the sound effects, and there were a lot of SCHMACKS!!"

"Where did that come from?"

"The same part of the brain as 'I gave my right hand to be Ambidextrous."

"...Yeah, probably."

-With Legolas and The Other Hobbits-

Legolas started looking around anxiously.

"Do you think Aragorn and Pippin found the girls yet? Merry?" He turned around and found Merry and Sam looking at each other funny.

"GASP! Oh NO!! She killed Snaitf!! Someone else took over the story and turned it into a slash fic!!!!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!!" He started running in circles, screaming names that seemed to pop into his head at random.

Merry and Sam watched in fascination. Then Sam turned to Merry and said, "Do you think he's afraid of staring contests?"

"I don't know."

"GASP! WHAT IF THEY PUT ME WITH GIMLI?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" He continued to scream and run in circles.

"Do you... think we should try to talk to him?"

"Naw. This is too much fun!"

"Legolas, stop yer yappin before you make your head explode!" said Snaitf from behind him.

"Gasp! SNAITF!!!"

"Um, yeah!"

"I never thought I'd say this, but MAN, AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU!!!"

"I know."

"I thought you were dead for a second there!"

"Second?" Asked Merry

"SHHH!"

"Yah, anyways, have ya'll seen Pippin?"

"...I thought he was with you!"

"We got separated!! He was running in this direction!!"

"We never saw him!"

"Oh, this is just PERFECT!!"

"You mean we lost Pippin?!?"

"Yep."

"Do you think Shelob got him?"

"No... maybe"

"Great. Let's try to find him."

"Great idea! You must be, like, Albert Freakin' Einstein!!"

"Shut up!"

"You shut up!"

"Your face!"

"Your tractor!"

"Your mom's face's second cousin's step grandmother's face's tractor's eye!!!!!"

"Would ya'll please SHUT UP FOR TWO SECONDS?!?!?!?"

"Fine."

_**TBC...**_

A/n: YAY!!! I got the chapter up!!! :) (Looks at people staring) What? You don't like Never Ending Story? I always cry whenever Artax gets stuck in the swamp! But then Morla comes up, and you're all like YAY!!! MORLA RULES!!!! Yeah. Anyways, REVIEW!!!

Namaarie, Mellyn nin!

Snaitf


	16. Can You Spot the Moron?

Pippin the Ringbearer

A/n: Okay! Moosey and Helga managed to get me obsessed with Simple Plan, which is surprising because my brothers hate Simple Plan. Yeah, anyways, REVIEWS!!

Moosey: AND NO ONE UNDERSTANDS YOU!!! Dude, I'm telling you! That song refers to Aragorn!!! Well, must sing my favorite part in that song, because it reminds me of Aragorn for some stupid reason. I shall make everything referring to Aragorn italics!!! :)  
Do you ever feel like breakin' down?  
_Do you ever fell out of place?  
__Like somehow you just don't belong  
__And no one understands you?  
__Do you ever want run away?  
__Do you lock yourself in your room?  
_With the radio on turned up so loud  
That no one can hear you screamin'?  
No, you don't know what it's like  
When nothing feels all right  
_No, you don't know what it's like to be like meeeeeeeeeeeee  
_To be hurt, _to feel lost  
__To be left out in the dark  
_To be kicked when you're down  
_To feel like you've been pushed around  
__To be on the edge of breakin' down  
__With no one there to save you  
_No, you don't know what it's like!  
_...WELCOME TO MY LIFE!!!!!!_

Yeah, I better stop before I make this longer than the freakin' chapter!!! :) THE PINK!!! :) GROSSNESS!!!!! :) I took it off!!! Happy!?!?!? :) Now you can stop making death threats and start calling yourself Moosey again instead of Maru!! :( Bad Moosey!! BAD!!! :) Okay, now to repost this chapter!! :)

HarryEstel: Oh, don't even get me started about worst days imaginable!!! I've had quite a few... Still, YOU'RE WELCOME!!! And you don't say forgive my language, you say pardon my French... Do French people say pardon my English? Interesting... THANKS FOR THE REVIEW!!!! :)

Shadow929: SUGAR!!!!! :) EvErYoNe LaUgH aT lEgGy!!!! :) Sorry, Helga always types like that. It's very hard to read!!! :)

Mina aka: Mockingbird: HELLO!!! Hehe... 'Let Pippin be okay' I find that funny. Read the chapter, and you will see why. HI MINA'S BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!! Ya, a bit hyper!! :) Never Ending Story is so AWESOME!!! And Morla is cool!!!!! :) Thanks!

Lady Ix: I don't think they do, sadly. Glad you like it!! Surge?!? (Giggles at the thought of it) I think he's on Surge in this chapter!! :) He talks a lot! :) Do you mean Ix as in the city on Nox? That game is awesome! :)

Legolasina aka: Frodo: THE ONLY REASON SHE'S NICE TO YOU IS THAT YOU HAVE HER IN THE MORNING WHEN SHE'S IN A GOOD MOOD!!! YOU TRY BEING IN HER AFTERNOON CLASS!!! _**WE HAVE HER AT THE FREAKIN' END OF THE DAY!!!!** _Okay, I'm done. And I didn't forget ya'll, I just haven't found a place to put you yet. It's kinda hard since I already have a Fellowship. It took me like 3 tries to spell Fellowship. That's sad! And I don't count that as a flame, because you're my friend and we've known each other since we were like five or six. You know you're the first person I met after I moved here besides Stephanie? And you didn't try to choke me with mouth wash!!! :) and no cursing, even if it's bleeped out!! :) Hey, I read this one fanfic and Aragorn and Legolas have short term memory loss!! :) LOL!!! Okay, okay, I'll give you credit!! Sheesh!!! :) Thanks for flaming me... I guess.

Chapter 16: Can You Spot the Moron?

Pippin was walking around aimlessly. He had forgotten what he had been doing and Merry wasn't there to remind him and for some reason he couldn't stop thinking about cupcakes.

"Well, It's better than bloody brownies!" he said with a shudder. Then he saw a group of people.

"Hello. What's your name?"

"WE ARE THE FIGHTING URUK-HAI!"

"Oh. Well, that's nice for you! I am Peregrin son of Paladin, and second cousin of Frodo Baggins. Well, second cousin once removed. That's on his mother's side. But on his father's side, I'm his third cousin twice removed."

"Frodo Baggins?"

"Oh, surely you know my cousin! He was the Ringbearer! But Gandalf told me not to say anything about Frodo or the ring. But that was ages ago! Surely it wouldn't be bad if I told now! If you want to hear it, that is!"

"Sure…"

"Well, Frodo and Sam were up on Mount Doom in Mordor, and Strider made a div… div…"

"Division?"

"No… div…"

"Diversion?"

"Yes! That's the one! Strider made a diversion so the orcs wouldn't find Frodo! So we were there and this guy comes, but he's not an orc. Oh no, he's a man, and he starts talking about Frodo being captured!! Of course, the Fellowship started to panic, thinking that Frodo was captured and that Sauron had the ring. But that stupid old eye didn't even know why the Fellowship was formed! So then we were fighting, and I thought it was the end! Poor old Strider got stuck under a troll!! But then, there was this loud explosion, and the Eye went nuts!! And then it got really small and then it exploded! And we were all cheering because it meant Frodo destroyed the Ring, and then Mount Doom erupted! And we thought that Frodo and Sam were dead, but then eagles showed up! And they carried Frodo to the Field of Cor-something-or-another and this guy from Gondor started singing and it took all bloody day for him to finish one song, and half of it was in Elvish or some other language so I couldn't understand it! Does that not drive you insane?"

"Um… no?"

"Well, you're nuts! It takes someone with the attention span of an Ent to listen to the whole thing! It was longer than Bilbo's song about Earendil! And that one was a whopper let me tell you! Though I was half-asleep through most of it! Rivendell is a wonderful place! Have you ever been there?"

"Can't say that I have…"

"That's your misfortune, because murmph!" he said as an Uruk-hai put his hand over his mouth

"Could we please just capture him so he doesn't talk us to death?"

"That's a good idea!" said another Uruk

-With the Fellowship-

"Hey look! Pippins tracks! And they cross with orc tracks!" pointed out Aragorn all heroic-like.

"Those are too big to be orcs. They must be Uruks!" corrected Snaitf

"Oh, well excuse me! The point is, Pippin went here, and he didn't walk back out."

"OH, SWEET ERU ON A POGO STICK!! PIPPIN'S CAPTURED!!" screamed Legolas

"Legolas, relax! Pippin's going to be fine! You'll see! Although… you might want to think about grabbing a first aid kit or two!"

"OH DEAR ERU!!!!"

-With Pippin and the Uruk-hai-

"...And Treebeard and us went to this weird thing, and there were a bunch of Ents just standing there, and then they started talking, but it took all day for them to finish saying 'good morning', so-"

"AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!" screamed an uruk. He ran off into the forest.

"Dang it! That's the fifth orc in three hours!!! Would you stop making my troops go insane?!?"

"Well, it's funny you ask that, because I was just getting to the part in the story when I thought me and Merry would go insane with boredom! It took so long for Treebeard and the others to decide anything! I had already counted to a thousand 3 times!! Then Treebeard came over. I guess it was boring for Treebeard too because he dosed off telling us that they had just agreed!! So then me and Merry-"

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Why do you keep interrupting me? I'm trying to tell you a story!"

-With the Fellowship-

"Look! An orc!"

The said orc was dancing around with a tutu, eating a pinecone, brandishing a stick like it was a sword, and giggling madly. It was very scary.

"I'M STRIDER!!!" it said

"No, I'm Strider!" Said a very confused Ranger

"It's been driven insane." Commented Snaitf

"Insane? How?" asked Legolas

"It's been talked to the point of insanity. It's very common among orcs that have captured a Hobbit. They tend to talk a lot…"

"So this orc was in the bunch that captured Pippin?"

"It appears to be."

"Should we ask it where they're headed?"

"I don't see why not."

TBC… 

A/n: Yay!!! Bizarre plot twist!! :) And the "Sweet Eru on a Pogo stick was inspired/stolen from "You know you're obsessed with the Silmarillion if…" by Some Person I don't remember the name of. But tell me what you think about the cliffy!! Hehe! HarryEstel has corrupted me! I never knew cliffies were this much fun to write!!! What's in store for Pippin and company? Find out on the next chapter of Pippin the Ringbearer! And I am going to change this to Humor/Action/adventure since… well there's orcs and stuff. Now I must go and stuff my face with turkey and pumpkin pie!!! HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!! AND REVIEW!!!

OH, AND SINCE LEGOLASINA FEELS LIKE MURDERING ME, SHE'S THE WAY I FOUND OUT ABOUT FCA!!! AND SHE'S THE ONLY PERSON THAT WILL REENACT ROTK WITH ME!! I'll be Pippin, Sam, Gandalf, Denethor, and Aragorn, and she'll be Frodo, Merry, Eowyn, Gimli, Treebeard, (She has a hilarious imitation of Entish!) and Legolas, and it's really fun!!! :) Happy, Frodo? :)

Namaarie, Mellyn nin!

Snaitf


	17. Legolasina to the Rescue!

Pippin the Ringbearer

A/n: I just realized that I made it past the 100 review mark!!! :) YAY!!!! And I got a lot of reviews for this chapter! And three flames!! YAY!!! :) Oh, and um I'm sorry I'm late for this post. We had Semester Finals all last week! :( I didn't have time to even check my email! :( But now Finals are over, so I'm good. I made a 96 on my Computer thing! YAY for me! :) Okay, I'm done

_**Reviews for Pippin the Ringbearer.**_

Legolasina: Yeah, sorry, I'm thinking about Gollum. No it's not. It's spelled Namaarie. No wait... yeah, we were both wrong, it's spelled Namarie. That looks weird. And my elbow is killing me. Heh. Sanity saved. Too late for that. Are you done with the language?

HarryEstel: Yes, I know. Glad you like it!! :) Still trying to convince/force Moosey to read Estel and Greenleaf. She won't. I'll have to tie her to a computer chair.

Moosey: Wow... You forgot the Monk guy that is played by Billy Bob Thornton. And the little white forest things. And I don't train the animal crackers, Shadow929 does. And it's spelled Van Helsing, stupid. And I didn't even want to be a part of your organization. And it's just a pink Speedo, dude. Chill out!! Gaw!! :) And I only read it twice!!! Seriously!!! :) Good thing you're not mad at me any more, because you'll probably like this chapter!! :)

Meara29: Yay!!! Glad you like it!! Yeah, this didn't come from a dream, it came from me telling Legolasina why my nickname was Pippin and I had the Ring of Power replica on!! "What, this? Oh, this is Gandalf's ring!" :)

Mina aka: Mockingbird and Boyfriend: Hi, ya'll!! Hope you stopped laughing by now, and if not, there's more in store!!! :) Cupcakes!! :) Yeah, me and my brothers sometimes have arguments about that!! :) Thanks for the review, ya'll!!! :)

Lego-Lass29: That's not an under dash, that's a hyphen!! Duh!! :) And that's a line from a stand-up comedian! He makes fun of Catholics too, so you're not alone!! :) I just didn't put that part in because he just makes sound affects, so it would be confusing to read!! :) And because it's in a completely different part of the show... skit... thing! BTW, in case ya'll didn't know, I'm Catholic!! :) How did you review twice?

HelgaMoon: Yeah, huh!!! It does match it!!! You just haven't read the Appendices!! OR ANY OF THE TRILOGY, FOR THAT MATTER!!!!! And I'm not talking about when he's 87, I'm talking about when he's like 2-20, when he's raised by a bunch of freakin' elves!!! DUH!!!!! :) And I only looked to see if my author alert worked because I wasn't sure if my story got posted!! The site's been down, you know!! And then I saw that music video for Welcome to My Life, and then I saw the one you emailed her!!! :) I'm done!! :) Apology accepted! (I read your email, and it won't let me reply or send because it's gay like that.) Read it again!! :) I know, eww!! :) And that's freakin hilarious!!! :)

Smeagol Fasir Kenobi: I FINALLY figured out who Fasir is!! :) "Life expands into new territories, including unfortunately Michigan." That's funny!! :) Helps you keep a steady pace? Really? Cool!! I need to memorize it! Of course, I only worked up the attention span to read the whole thing once through about a week ago! Frodo (My friend) memorized the drinking song (There was an inn, a merry old in beneath an old grey hill) and she sang it and drove me nuts because she sings it to a different tune than I do, so every time I try to sing along I get lost!! :) Yay for Cowboys fans!! Course, what sort of Texan would I be if I didn't like the Cowboys? :) My brother used to have all the player's names from 1995 memorized!! How insane is that?!? Course, he's a football fag, so that goes without saying. He dropped out of JAZZ BAND to be IN FOOTBALL!!!!!!!!!!! What a dummy!! Band is awesome!!! :) Thanks for the review!!!

_**Reviews for If You Gave Aragorn a Dr. Pepper**_

Avalon Estel: You haven't read my stupid one yet! :) Still, I LOVE DORY TOO!!!!! It's really funny!!! :) "Oh no, it's true! I forget things almost instantly! It runs in my family... at least I think it does." Hehe! I love that part!!! :) I wrote it to make it look like me when I have a Dr. Pepper. :) You reviewed twice, because I got a review alert already. That's the second person to do that this chapter! :( I guess it just got messed up. (Shrugs)

Rhys: Do you need psychiatric help? If you do, I'm afraid you're looking in the wrong place! I'm already insane, so... Glad you like it!! :)

Fox of the Nova: Thank you! Yeah, Dante's Peak was good. I like that movie! Probably because my brothers hate it!!! :) Dr. Pepper is the greatest drink ever if I can get to the box fast enough to get one before my brothers drink it all! I always tell mom to get two boxes so it doesn't run out as fast! I climb walls when I have Dr. Pepper too. It's fun  
I wanna first-class trip to Hawaii  
Cause it's Christmas, and I want everything :)  
I just can't wait  
Christmas, I want a million gifts, that's right  
Don't forget my Christmas list tonight! Sorry, me and my friends listened to Simple Plan ALL DAY yesterday, so I got that song stuck in my head. Thanks for the review!! :)

Chapter 17: Legolasina to the Rescue!

-With the Fellowship-

"I'm tired!" complained Snaitf

"Have we found Pippin yet?" Joined Moosey

Before Aragorn could tell them to be quiet, they heard a loud horn call.

"The horn of Gondor!!" Said Legolas

"No, that's Fred" said Snaitf

"What?"

"Fred. He's a Trombone. Now hurry!"

So they followed the sound of Fred, and came to a clearing. NOT Parth Galen! Some other clearing that I've just made up. Standing there are two girls... talking... and talking... and talking and talking. Sitting on the ground next to them is Pippin, looking confused.

"I thought only Hobbits could talk this much" Aragorn said after watching them from a distance.

"You obviously have never met Frodo." Said Snaitf, and with that started sneaking quietly down to the two girls. One, they noticed, was holding a trombone.

"Legolas, we're still in a big clearing en route to Mordor. What could possibly happen?" One of them asked the other. Snaitf took that as a signal to crash into the first one at full speed.

"PIPPIN, YOU FREAK!!!" she screamed

"FRODO!! Look Merry! It's Frodo Baggins!!!" Snaitf said

Silence. Snaitf jumped up and ran to Moosey, "SAY IT!!!!!!!!!!"

"I'm not going to say it" Moosey scowled

"But you're Merry!!"

"Sigh... Hullo Frodo."

"YAY!! Now, Helga, you say 'get off 'im!'"

"Get off 'im?"

"Exactly!!!" Snaitf pretended to be suddenly hoisted through the air by an invisible Sam.

"Well, that was a very weird welcome, Pip!" said the first girl, standing up.

"Why are you calling HER Pip?!? HE'S Pippin!" said Legolas

"Those were our nicknames before MOOSEY stopped liking LOTR!!! Oh! I almost forgot! This is Legolasina aka: Frodo and this is Lego-Lass21 aka: Legolas!"

"Okaaay..."

"Yeah... this is going to be a bit hard... okay, Legolas... the REAL Legolas, you are going to be Leggy from now on since there is now two Legolases. Legolas, you will be ... well, Legolas and Legolasina is Frodo or Fro-Fro. Got it, everyone?"

Everyone shakes their heads no.

"Oh well! And ya'll will have to call me Snaitf instead of Pippin since there's two of us, too."

"Okay." Said Frodo as they started back on their way to Mordor

"All right. Now that that's settled, what in Eru's name are ya'll doing here?"

"Well, I was like practicing Fred when like all the sudden me and Fred were like in this big like clearing, and like Legolas was here, and we like started like talking and like all these orcs showed up and like we saw Pippin! So we like rescued him all like heroic-like and then we had like nothing to do and like no phone to like call you and like rub it in your face that we got to battle like orcs and you like didn't, so we like just started like talking."

"Oh. That makes sense." Said Helga

"Great! Now there's FIVE of you talking!!" said Leggy

"Yup! And one's a history buff!" said Frodo

"I'm a Middle Earth history buff! You wanna hear the tale of Turin Turambar?" asked Snaitf

"NO! You told me that the entire walk to D.I!!!!" said Helga

"Yeah, we're never walking there again. I'd much rather take your dad's car!! And I only got to the part where Turin marries Niniel!"

"Wait, wasn't that his sister?"

"Yeah."

"INCEST!!!!"

"Definitely"

"Dude that poster on the wall at school is like freakin' scary!"

"Yeah! And they put it right next to the water fountain so it grosses you out so you don't want to drink anything even though you're really thirsty!"

"Well, at least they didn't put it on the lunch room!"

"Yeah, nothing there but pictures of lettuce saying 'Eat me!'"

"How does the lettuce talk? I never understand that! I mean, lettuce never exactly jumps off your plate in the lunch room and says 'what are you looking at?' It's not physically possible!!"

"That's what the kid in the background is saying!!"

"I feel like I'm back at the Green Dragon after a hard day's work!!" said Snaitf ecstatically

"Only you've never DONE a hard day's work, Pip." Replied Frodo

They burst out laughing.

"Would ya'll quit doing that? It's getting annoying!" said Moosey

"Yeah! Especially when we were talking about talking lettuce and kids in background shots of a poster!" said Helga

"... yeah..." said Moosey

"Would you rather us sing?"

"NO!!!!"

Frodo and Snaitf looked at each other and grinned.

"One or two, Pip?"

"One!!"

"Okay!"

And with that, they burst into song.

"HEY HO! TO THE BOTTLE I GO!

TO HEAL MY HEART AND DROWN MY WOE!

RAIN MAY FALL AND WIND MAY BLOW,

BUT THERE'LL STILL MANY MILES TO GO!

SWEET IS THE SOUND OF THE POURING RAIN

AND THE STREAM THAT RUNS FROM HILL TO PLAIN!!

BUT BETTER THAN RAIN OR RIPPLING BROOK!"

"There's a mug of beer inside this Took!!" ended Snaitf and Pippin together.

Moosey tried to strangle Snaitf, all the while screaming "I HATE that song!!! Never sing that song again!"

"Deagol doesn't murder Smeagol! It's the other way around!!" gasped Snaitf

"I'll have to be Smeagol then, won't I?!?" replied Moosey

"Um... no?"

"Grrr..."

"Guys? We're here." said Aragorn. Sure enough, they had arrived at Mordor. You know that shot of Mordor in ROTK after Frodo and Sam put on orc armor and Frodo gets all whiny and says 'we'll never get through unseen'? Well, that's where they were. How they got there so fast, the world will never know.

"Cool"

"The first words ever spoken in Mordor after Sauron was defeated were 'cool?' How crappy is that?"

"Shut up!"

"You shut up!"

"You're stupid!"

"You're stupid!"

"What a stupid thing to say to me!"

"Stupid"

"Shush, Pip! Let's go!" said Fro-Fro

So they walked down the hill... mountain... thing.

_**TBC...**_

A/n: Did you like it? My brother's friend doesn't know what LOTR means!!! How dumb can you get?!? Anyways, REVIEW!!! And yes, me and Frodo sing that every day at lunch... well, most days, anyways!! :) REVIEW!!! Oh, and it has been brought to my attention that I am misspelling Namarie, so I'm changing that, too! :)

Namarie, Mellyn nin!

Snaitf


	18. The late Christmas Special Edition!

_Pippin The Ringbearer_

Moosey: Hi I get to post the chapter for Snaitf because her computer crashed and everything on it was wiped off!!! So I get to reply to reviews for her yay! This chapter was written by Helga Moon for Snaitfs lack at writing fluff!!! And for a while my pen name is now Mokuren888!

_**Reviews**_

Shadow 929: Yes! INSANITY AND CAPSLOCK!!!

Helga Moon: I'M NOT MARRIED TO JEFF!!!! GAAAH!!!! I hope your wrist still hurts!!!

Mokuren888 aka TheMagesticMoose: Hi I get exactly what you're saying. Also me and Helga drew like fiddy bajillion more comics since then!!! The church comic was #16 and now we're on 60 somethin!

HarryEstel: Glad you liked it! I wonder if you'll like this chapter…I have a strong craving for a banana….

Mina aka Mockingbird: Wow that's sad I didn't know that Snaitf's brothers friend doesn't know what LotR means….That's soooooooooooooooooooooo sad….

Lego-Lass21: I don't say much either…what pictures in the cafeteria? There's those fruit and vegetable ones….those are annoying…

Legolasina: Ok…I didn't get any of that….I can't re-enact RotK with you because I don't remember half the lines so yes for that you must have Snaitf…

Smeagol Fasir Kenobi: This chapter is really funny, a lot funnier than the last I think…

Legolasina…again!: I WANT AN ARMY OF MUSHROOMS!!!! Yay!!! You're in Austin!!! Go see the Alamo for me!!! PLEASE!!! Make sure Santa Anna is shamed and his honor gone away forever!!! If he was still alive I would send many terminators with pom poms and a sock monster after him!!!! YES I WOULD EDDY!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Now you can join the club, I was eating a potato for lunch then Helga and Snaitf named Helga's baked potato and named it Pierre and then they said that I was eating Pierre's sister, then Helga drew a face and a body on Pierre the Potato and they were being really annoying and so I was all like "SHUT UP!!!!" and they were laughing and so I stabbed Pierre the potato, then Helga and Snaitf had a "funeral" for the potato and now they keep telling me that I killed Pierre the Potato and Pierre's sister! HELGA EVEN DREW A COMIC ABOUT IT!!!! . ; AHHHH!!! THE CURSED COMMERCIAL OF DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!! AAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_**The Christmas Special Edition Chapter!**_

"So, why are y'all here again?" Legolas asked.

"Why not?"

He sighed. "What's with author stories?"

"Shut up. You talk when we say so" Helga said.

He shut his mouth. "Anyway, Christmas has come and gone. I didn't get Pierre Bouvier… or Chuck Comeau… or Ryan Key…" Helga rambled on.

"What did you get for Christmas SNAITF" Moosey asked. Bad idea.

"RETURN OF THE KING ON DVD AND THE SECOND SIMPLE PLAN CD AND A BUNCH OF SOUNDTRACKS AND… CHIBI ANAKIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Snaitf promptly fainted from happiness.

"Well… the only good thing I got was "A Big Package For You"…" Moosey said.

"…or Kevin the cartoon... or Kevin Clark… or a drum set… or a corvette… or—"

"HELGA SHUT UP!!!"

"Shutting!" She stopped ranting. "Why do I have to write this chapter anyway?"

"Because I suck at fluff. Heck, I read your stories on cough Moosey's emails cough," Snaitf said. "Why were they on the roof again?"

"Shut up" Helga said. "Anyway, do you want to know what I got for Christmas?"

Moosey tried to tell Snaitf to say no but she said anyway, "What?"

"THE YELLOWCARD DVD WITH A RYAN WITH A FUZZY HEAD AND A SLEEPY RYAN AND I THINK HUNGOVER RYAN AND SOOOOOOO MUCH CUTENESS!!!!!!"

"Wow."

"YOU BET YOUR SOCKS WOW!!! IF I COULD FIND YOU NOW, THINGS WOULD GET BETTER..."

Then Snaitf started to sing, "I'M TRYIN TO FORGET THAT I'M ADDICTED TO YOU BUT I WANT IT AND I'M ADDICTED TO YOU…"

Then Moosey looked like she was about to die but started to sing anyway, "SHE HAS TWO ARMS TO HOLD ME AND FOUR LEGS TO WRAP AROUND ME…"

Legolas turned to Aragorn and said "Can you kill them? Please????"

"Sorry but Helga's writing this story and if I did then I would turn into a pile of dust and Snaitf would kill her."

"Wow"

Anyway, the three crazy authors kept singing until Legolasina yelled, "SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

They stopped. Helga turned to Moosey and said "I thought you hated My Alien!"

"Meh" Moosey shrugged.

"I want you to meet my friend, Legolas," Legolasina said. "We'll call the real Legolas Leggy, okay? She's going to be joining us today, is that ok?"

"Yeah," Helga, Moosey and Snaitf said. A girl with blonde hair came out of nowhere and stood by Legolasina. "Hi, I'm Legolas," she said, waving.

Pippin said aloud, "They're multiplying!"

"Anyway, since this is supposed to be fluffy, where's all the dudes" Snaitf asked.

"Just a friggin' second," Helga said. She got out the laptop and typed some stuff in. In a few seconds a few dudes landed out of nowhere.

"DAVID DESROSIERS!!!!!! MARRY ME!!!!!" Moosey yelled.

"PIERRE BOUVIER!!! Wait… how'd you get out of my closet?"

"CHUCK COM—"

"SHUT UP HES MINE SNAITF!!!!"

"HELGA YOU ONLY LIKE HIM BECAUSE HE LOOKS LIKE PIERRE!!!!!"

"YOU CAN HAVE JEFF!!!! AND NO HE DOES NOT!!! HE PLAYS DRUMS AND HES HOT!!!!!!!!"

A few sweat drops rolled off of Chuck's head.

"Anyway if I can't have him WHO DO I HAVE???" Snaitf asked

"What about me?" Legolasina asked

"Just a sec" Helga said. She typed some more then another dude fell out of the sky.

"ANAKIN!!!!!!!!! THE DESCENDENT OF ALL HOTNESS!!!! KISS ME!!!"

"Snaitf, shut up" Legolasina said. "Anyway who am I with?"

"You're with Orlando!!"

Orlando dropped out of the sky, too.

"Yay!" Legolasina ran and attacked him in a bear hug.

"Legolas, you get Leggy," Helga said. Legolas immediately attacked Leggy with a bear hug.

"Wait they don't like us! Cause they're like in their twenties and perverted!!!!" Moosey said, commenting on Pierre and David.

Helga typed more and suddenly all four of the authors turned into… hmm, lets say twenty-four.

"Wow. Not much of a change, eh?" Moosey said. "And I kinda need a new shirt… I had a major growth spurt…"

Helga (once again, dang it! wait.. I'm writing the chapter… hehe…) typed and they all had new clothes that fit.

"You made me wear a I Love Jeff t-shirt on purpose!" Snaitf said

"Haha" Helga replied. "Anyway I stole a few of Pierre's shirts and stuff… role model? What the crap!"

Moosey looked down. "Oh I'm gonna kill you." On it said "I married Jeff and moved to Flowermound with him to that gay community!!"

Helga was nice to Legolasina and let her wear cool elf clothes… rock on… so did Legolas. I felt like being nice to them. Hehe.

"They still don't like us"

"Crap do I have to do everything around here???" Helga typed more and then all of the dudes were at their feet.

"You flowermound! You made JEFF STALK ME????" Snaitf shouted at Helga.

"You still have Anakin"

"Yay!"

"Anyway I sent Chuck back… he's a loser… a lovable loser… and Sebastien asked out one of the natives…"

"Sebastien wasn't even here!"

"Umm… oh yeah got confused for a second there!!!!"

"Anyway, we're going to take a road trip for this chapter… to Canada!!!"

"Hey I live there!"

"Yes David you idiot you live there."

"DON'T TALK THAT WAY TO MY PRECIOUS!!!"

"Shut up Cleanie!"

"Cleanie?"

"You know? The beavers??"

"Oh… hey!"

Anyway, Helga got out her laptop and said, "We'll be back in a few minutes! But so you don't leave and Snaitf won't kill me, you'll be frozen right now! Except for Leggy cause he's Legolas's." In a second Helga, Snaitf, Moosey, David, Pierre, Jeff, Anakin, Orlando, Legolasina, Leggy and Legolas had disappeared.

"Wow I think I'm drunk" Aragorn said.

"Nah because I'm seeing it too" Pippin said

"Okay"

Anyway, Helga, Snaitf, Moosey, David, Pierre, Jeff, Anakin, Orlando, Legolasina, Leggy and Legolas appeared in Canada.

"Hey I live here!"

"Helga why'd you make him stupid?"

"Nah he was like that before"

"HELGA!!!"

"Anyway, before the fluffy begins there's some stuff I need to do first" Helga said. "Follow me!!"

The rest shrugged and followed Helga. "Where are we going?" Pierre asked.

"Hmm… any of you know where Avril Lavigne lives?"

"Ooh, ooh, I do!" David said shooting his hand up in the air. "She lives in Canada!"

Helga knocked him out and Moosey was about to kill her so she made if conscience again.

"Oh I know!" Helga typed on the laptop and they magically appeared in Avril's house.

"May I ask where we are?" Legolas said.

"Oh yeah you're from middle earth… well we're at a magical place called Canada—"

"Hey I live there!"

"Shut up David. Anyway, we're going to say hi since I'm being random… and I'm going to drop off a threat. Hehe" Helga said.

"Hey you can't be here!" Avril Lavigne walked in. "You ain't part of my security! And blah, blah, blah"

"Crap make her shut up!"

"Okay!" Avril shut up. "Anyway, we've come to say hi… yeah."

All of a sudden Hillary Duff comes out of nowhere and said, "I'm on fire!"

"Where the heck did you come from?"

"Um… I know it's part of the United States… Canada?"

"Hey I live there!"

"YAY FOR CANADA!" They were going to high-five but David was like "Hey you're on fire" and Hillary's like "Oh yeah!"

"Crap who are you people???"

"Shut up Avril! Anyway… why are we here again?"

"Like I know!" said Snaitf

"I guess we were just going to say hi… and to say DON'T HANG OUT WITH PIERRE AGAIN OR I'LL SICK JEFF ON YOU!!!!!!!!!" Helga yelled.

Avril immediately agreed, since she knew how creepy Jeff was. So they said good-bye to her.

Helga whipped out her laptop and typed on it, and Helga, Snaitf, Moosey, David, Pierre, Jeff, Anakin, Orlando, Legolasina, Leggy and Legolas all appeared in Middle Earth.

"Okay you can move now," Legolasina told Aragorn Pippin and the rest of the hobbits.

They immediately became unfrozen and they walked around and the like.

"Helga, this is supposed to be fluffy! Not… I dunno, meet Avril Lavigne and set Hillary Duff on fire or crap like that!"

"Actually she was on fire in that one comic remember?"

"Yeah and you LOCKED ME AND JEFF IN THE FREAKIN CLOSET!!!!!!!"

"What? I actually I have a fan????"

"Yep" Helga and Moosey said at the same time.

"Looks like you'll have to fight Anakin though" Legolasina said.

And Anakin was like "grr" then Jeff was like "grr" and then Snaitf was like "I'm gonna kill you!"

"If it makes you feel any better, you get Anakin" Helga reminded her.

"Oh yeah!"

"Helga, let's leave these losers and go somewhere else" Pierre said.

"Okay but I have to make David un-stupid so Moosey won't kill me," Helga said. She typed on the laptop and David was the original loser he was… just kidding! He was um smart I guess.

So then all the dudes took all the girls that they had randomly became obsessed with and they all went somewhere quiet.

Pierre & Helga

"You have pretty red hair" Pierre said to Helga.

"I like your spiky black hair" she told him.

"You have pretty green eyes, like the field below us," Pierre said, motioning to the green grass underneath them. See, they were onto of a mountain nearby. It was night and there was a full moon and the stars were out.

"You have beautiful brown eyes, like, um… the dog crap you just sat in. Just kidding!" Helga said.

It was silent for a few minutes. "Man, why haven't I met you before? You're a whole lot hotter than those girls in Jamaica. And you have a better butt."

She ignored that last comment. "Well, I live in Texas originally, and you never came there or when you did I never could go to your concert. I've wanted to meet you for a really, long freakin' time, Pierre."

She put her head on his shoulder. "Why couldn't you?" He asked.

"Because they were always on a freakin' school night and it would take like three hours to get there and it would be over at like eleven or whatever and… basically, it was a huge mess."

"That sucks," Pierre said, putting his arm around her. "One day I'm going to dedicate a whole show for you."

"Thanks," Helga said. "That'd be nice."

"Something else would be better" Pierre muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing" he said.

"Anyway… I have your poster in my room above my bed and I'll stare at you when I'm listening to my CD and sometimes I'll kiss your picture. Then I usually slip and bang my head on the thingy that holds my bed up. Oh yeah, the bedstand."

"Why do you kiss a picture?"

"Cause I never got to meet you" Helga said.

"Well… why don't you kiss the real thing?"

She looked up at him. "Because I never met you, duh…"

"No, I meant… I love you, Helga. Even if I just meet you in the last like thirty minutes."

"I love you too Pierre…" He leaned over and kissed her on the lips. She was like Oh my crap I kissed Pierre Bouvier and so she's like "Yeah that's better than kissing a freakin' picture anytime!"

"Good" he said. He smiled before he brought her into a passionate kiss and a million Pierre fan girls suddenly exploded and the rest of them turned into dust and the school lunch ladies harvested it and put it into the school's meatloaf. (A/N: that's an inside joke between me and Moosey, by the way.)

Moosey & David

"How'd I get here again?" David asked Moosey. "Wait—I wanted to meet you!"

Moosey grinned. "Same here, David. You know, I killed Hillary Duff in one of my comics because she isn't worthy to hang out with you!"

He raised an eyebrow. "I thought I just met Hillary Duff, and she was on fire," he replied.

All of a sudden, they heard Hillary Duff croak. "Well, now she's dead. You were a little late there, Helga," Moosey said out loud.

"Shut up or you don't get fluffy with David!"

"Jerk." She shut up. "Anyway, David, this is a great place that Helga chose for us, isn't it?"

"Yeah," he replied. They were on the shore of a river. The stars above them glittered on the water. Moosey secretly thanked Helga for writing this chapter.

"I like your black hair," Moosey said. "And your glasses. They're so cute! Helga has some that look like yours, and I would kill for some!"

"Thanks. I like your hazel eyes. They're like lily pads on that river."

"David you're so romantic…"

"That's like calling me sensitive because I held a koala bear."

"Technically, this girl I met on the Internet did say that, but she's now in the dungeons with all of the other David fan girls."

"What?"

"I mean… you're cute, David!"

He grinned. "You too. You know, there's something I've wanted to do for all of my life. But I wanted to find the right girl, you know?"

"If it's getting laid, mister, than you can't count on it!"

"Nah, it's not that," David replied. He kissed her on the lips. "That's what I wanted to do."

Moosey did her best not to get up and do the victory dance—but not my victory dance, which consists of doing the rock on sign in the air numerous times. It was just the happy fan girl dance, I guess.

"You know, I've wanted to do that, too. A lot, to tell the truth. David, please do it again…"

And so then David and Moosey started making out because Moosey will kill me if I don't.

Snaitf & Anakin

Few clouds were in the sky. Snaitf and Anakin magically appeared on one of those space ship things from Star Wars… Snaitf, help me out here! ;;

Anyway, Snaitf was trying not to die from happiness from being with Anakin. "I've seen all of the movies you're in!" She squealed.

"What do you mean by "movies"?" He asked, confused.

Oh yeah, he doesn't know that he's in the movies, Snaitf remembered. "Well… you're cool!" She said.

"Thanks… I think. Besides, who's Jeff?" Anakin asked, reading her shirt.

"THAT'S ME!!!!" Jeff suddenly jumped out of nowhere. "SNAITF IS MINE SO GO HOME BOY WITH REALLY LONG HAIR WHICH I WISH I HAD!!!"

Helga popped out of nowhere and said, "Why don't you get a hair transplant from Sebastian's legs? Wait, that's for Pierre when he loses his hair." As soon as she came, she mysteriously disappeared.

After they watched her disappear, Anakin yelled, "SHE IS MINE SO GO AWAY BALD DUDE THAT SCARES ME TO NO END!!!!!!!!!!!"

He whipped out his light saber and soon Jeff was twitching on the ground. Helga decided to be nice and she sent him home, uninjured, back to Canada.

Snaitf stared at the ground Jeff had just been for a while. "Hey Helga changed my shirt!" She said happily. This time it said "I saw Jeff get beaten up with a light saber!"

"Yep, I'm pretty good with light sabers," Anakin replied with a shrug.

They stared outside at the sky for a while. "You know, Helga likes writing fluff," Anakin noticed.

"Yep! So… I think I love you Anakin…"

He looked at Snaitf with his huge eyes which made her squeal happily inside her head. "I love you too, Snaitf," he said.

And, despite Snaitf's threats to not make this story PG-13, I made them make out. Heck, that ain't bad! Better than some crap I've read on Teen Titans! ((shudders))

Orlando & Legolasina

Orlando and Legolasina had been taken to a green meadow inside of some woods. There was a bubbling brook, too. The trees cleared at the spot where they were and the moon shone down on them.

"Orlando, why did you propose to that idiot Kate?" Legolasina asked sweetly.

"I did?" The golden ring on his ring finger suddenly disappeared.

Legolasina did her own version of the victory dance. "Yay! So, who do you like now?"

Orlie looked at her with his huge, brown eyes. "You, of course. You're a whole lot more beautifuller (A/N: not a real word, is it?) than that Kate! Wait, who's Kate?"

She grinned at the fact that Orlando had forgotten who Kate was. Whom I forgot their last name. So, her name's Kate. Once again, Snaitf, help me out here! ;;

Legolasina shivered. "I'm cold! Why did Helga make it so freakin' cold?"

Orlando wrapped his arms around her to conserve heat. "Oh that's why!" She said happily. Then Helga burst out laughing cause that was yet another inside joke between her and Moosey.

Legolasina immediately felt warmer, but she didn't say anything so Orlando would still hold her to keep warm.

She looked up at Orlie. "So, how does it feel to be attacked by fan girls 24/7?"

He thought for a moment. "Well, if they get within a five-foot radius of me, they get electrocuted."

She looked shocked. "Electrocuted?"

Orlie nodded. "You get used to the fumes after a while." At that moment, a group of fan girls attacked him and they immediately became charred.

"Want a marshmallow?" He asked. Legolasina nodded yes and Orlie held two marshmallows over the bodies of the electrocuted fan girls.

After a few minutes, they were done. He got a few sticks and stuck one on there for Legolasina. She enjoyed her marshmallow, and then put her hands over the shocked fan girls to keep her hands warm.

"Are you still cold?" Orlie asked her.

"I'm okay," she replied.

He paused for a second. "Are your lips cold?" He asked.

She smiled, knowing where this was going. "Yes," she said.

"Good, cause mine are cold too," he said. They leaned in for a kiss and they did. The fan girls nearby gave a wild twitch…

Leggy & Legolas

"So, are you a crazy author, too?" Leggy asked Legolas.

"Actually, I'm just friends with them," she replied.

"Why'd you come then?" He asked.

"First of all, can we move? I'm kinda stuck."

"Yes, I'm stuck too."

Helga had accidentally placed them in a tree with very narrow branches. After a few struggles, they got loose.

Leggy helped Legolas climb down the tree and they sat on the soft grass at the trunk.

"So, why are you here? Are you their special guest of honor of something?" Leggy asked.

"Actually, Legolasina asked if I wanted to come. She explained that Helga was writing the fluffy chapter and asked if I wanted to be in it."

"Is there a special reason?"

Tears started to form in Legolas's eyes.

"I didn't mean to make you cry!" Leggy said, immediately surprised.

"No, you didn't do anything… it's just…" She wiped at her eyes. "Me and my boyfriend broke up."

"I'm so sorry," Leggy said, wrapping his arm around Legolas's shoulders. She hid her face in his shirt/tunic thing and she tried not to cry.

He stroked her blonde hair. "It's okay… you can cry…" he said, and she did.

After a while, she stopped. She sniffled and said, "Thanks, Leggy. I was feeling like total crap before you comforted me."

The elf blushed slightly. "I guess I have a thing for girls in distress," he admitted.

"I have a thing for certain blonde-haired, pointy-eared elves," Legolas said.

Leggy paused. "Oh, me!" He said.

Legolas laughed. "Yep, you. Um, I just wanted to say something but suddenly I can't remember…"

Leggy smiled. "I think I know what it is. If it's "I love you", then I want to say that I love you, too."

Legolas smiled, too. "That's exactly what I wanted to say," she said. Leggy gentled kissed her lips. She smiled and they kissed again…

The Next Day

"Hey y'all," Helga said. She dragged a Pierre, who had a googol kiss marks on him. (A/N: A googol is a one followed by a hundred zeroes. It's one of my favorite numbers now… hehe…)

Moosey and David showed up. "That was the best fluffy you've ever written, Helga!"

Helga shrugged. "Well, if you thought that was fluffy, you should read my story based off of October Nights!"

Moosey immediately covered her ears and yelled, "I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!! OCTOBER NIGHTS IS ONE OF THE FLUFFIEST SONGS IN THE UNIVERSE!!!!"

"Yep!" Helga said happily

"Well, I guess that's it for our fluffiness," Snaitf said. "Gimme the laptop, Helga."

"Maybe I wanna keep it," Helga said, trying to hide it behind her back.

"GIVE ME THE LAPTOP OR PIERRE WILL HAVE TO GET A HAIR TRANSPLANT FROM SEBASTIAN'S LEGS!!!" Snaitf yelled.

Helga sighed. "Okay. Well, I hope you enjoyed it."

All of a sudden, Hailie Duff came out of nowhere and yelled "I'm on fire like Hilary!"

Everyone looked at Helga.

"Hehe, so couldn't I do one last thing before the laptop was out of my hands for good?"

END OF CHAPTER!!! YAY!…wait NOT YAY!!!

**Moosey-**AND THAT'S THE END!!! I say Helga did a really good job on this…I just needed more fluffy with David and I'd be good…Snaitf wishes you a late Christmas!!!


	19. Snaitf Goes Insane and Piccogeorge!

Pippin the Ringbearer

A/n: Hi there! Sorry If Moosey updating for me caused any confusion! I kinda… killed the computer… a bit. :) At any rate, this is Snaitf again:) I hope you enjoy this next chapter! Oh, and Legolasina wants me to please tell my reviewers to review her stories because she has like 8 and I have like fifty bajillion…

Oh, and I gave up tall, pointy-eared people for Lent! I can't even say the name because I gave them up! So the person who starts with an L and has point ears will not be mentioned by name, but do not fear! I haven't killed him off! After Easter, I can say his name again:) If anyone got that. :)

Disclaimer: I have quite a lot to add for this chapter. Let's see, I don't own Dr. Pepper, Dragon ball Z, Llamas, George Bush, Star Wars, LOTR, or Gollum. That about covers it for this chapter.

_**Review Responses for Pippin the Ringbearer**_

Moosey: YAY! Go Helga, whose chapter is PG-13 even though I told her not to:) Thank you for updating! Now the mob won't be after me waving pitchforks and telling me to update:)

HarryEstel: Hi again! Now I'm going to see what Moosey put on my chapter… (looks suspiciously at Moosey)

Elar: Thanks for the suggestion and thank you very much for not putting it in a flame:) I might have had to scream like a little girl and hide in a cave for two years if you gave me a flame. I hate flames… scared to death of getting one… What am I talking about? Responding… Well, all the stuff that you suggested I've mostly already done:) So um… yeah! Thanks for the review! I hope you like it in later chapters:)

Legolasina: Hi! If you show them History with a Twist, I'm going to strangle you! And don't think I won't! Well, I won't but… still… I'm going to go… place. Thanks for the review and for cheering Moosey up:)

Lego-Lass21: Hi there! I saw the last episode of DBGT and it was so freakin awesome! And last Saturday I watched the second to last episode of DBGT and GOKU DID THE SPIRIT BOMB! It was so freakin awesome! Hi Leggie!

Mina aka: Mockingbird: Hehe! That's awesome:) Thanks for the review! Helga is really good at fluffy! It scares me…

Toasted Whale: Hope this is enough detail for ya! Probably not. I hate details! Details are for boring people… like English teachers (Shudders). Thanks:) Hope you remember! ;) Fluff can be very good! But sometimes it can make you want to puke… like nameless pointy-eared guy and Arie-poo! (Shudders again) Hey! I got a name for a person in my fic cause of a typo! Shudres! Thanks!

_**Reviews for If You Gave Aragorn a Dr. Pepper**_

KatyaChekov: Oh, this is only the start of the insane-ness:) EEP! Creepy trailer for scary movie! (Is freakin freaked out) scary! There was this dude looking at a Missing Child poster, and he like lowered the poster, and the kid was standing like RIGHT THERE! He was all in the camera's face! YAY Weakest Link is on! No more scariness:) Thanks for the review:)

Chapter 19: Snaitf Goes Insane and Piccogeorge!

"My teeth hurt!" complained Snaitf for the bajilliointh time.

"You said that a bajillion times already!" replied Helga

"How did Snaitf's computer crash anyways?" asked Merry

"Well… she sorta… she told it to update something and then it restarted and then the Blue Screen of Death popped up and her mom couldn't get to the desktop so the guys called and said to reformat the hard drive so she lost everything! Except Pippin the Ringbearer, Thank Bob, because she saved it on a floppy!"

"What's wrong with Snaitf?"

Said author was staring at a book, as if trying to make it explode with her mind.

"Oh, she's doing her math homework at the moment. I doubt she even hears us…" said Helga

Suddenly, Snaitf jumps up and screams at no one in particular, "AHHH! I NEED DR. PEPPER!"

"…She also hasn't had a Dr. Pepper for like a month," adds Moosey.

"This is stupid" Said Snaitf, throwing her pencil into a pit of lava. It exploded, then caught fire, causing everyone to ooh and ah.

"That was cool!"

"Do it again!"

"Well, I would, but that was my last pencil."

"Then why did you throw it in a pit of lava if you still have math to do?"

"Yeah, we have to turn that in tomorrow, you know!"

Snaitf looked at the now hissing pit of lava, "Crap monsters and pencil shavings!" she said

"Actually, I think you should be more worried about the lava monsters." Said Pippin

"There's no such thing as lava monsters!"

"Speaking of which, what are we going to do?"

They were still in Mordor, and they had forgotten that a huge earthquake had taken out all of the ground, leaving a huge hole between where they were and Mount Doom. In other words, they were stuck.

"Well, we… um… if we built this… large wooden badger…"

Moosey smacked Snaitf.

"Stop quoting Monty Python, Snaitf. We need to make a plan!"

"I know! But I gotta finish my homework." And with that, Snaitf made another pencil appear out of nowhere and started staring at her book again.

"Well, I guess we wait till Snaitf finishes her homework."

"Yup."

They were quietly waiting for about an hour. Then,

"AHHHH! I NEED DR. PEPPER!" screamed Snaitf.

"Um, Snaitf…"

"GIVE DR. PEPPER! WHERE IS THE DR. PEPPER! GIVES IT TO US, PRECIOUSSSSSSSSS!" Snaitf giggled like a maniac.

"riiiight…"

"We shall find it, preciousssss! Yes, Precious, we shall!" babbled Snaitf as she ran off.

"Great! Now the author has gone insane from Dr. Pepper deprivation, there's a giant hole between us and Mount Doom, and The English Teacher of DOOM! Is about to eat our souls for no apparent reason! This just isn't my day!" said Moosey.

"No, it isn't." agreed nameless pointy eared… guy

"Shut up"

-With Snaitf-

"Gives us the Dr. Pepper, Precioussss! We wants it! HEEHEEHEEEHEEHEHEHEHEH!"

Snaitf runs around in circles and falls down. And then by pure luck, she got up and looked in the direction of a cart full of what appears to be fireworks…

-The Rest of The Fellowship-

"All right, we need to find Snaitf before—"

CRASH! (Insane laughing is heard.)

"Sigh. Too late"

-Meanwhile, Not Far Away On a Ridge-like Thing-

"What are they doing?"

"WHAT?"

"I said 'What are they doing now?'"

"Gaw, I'm getting so sick of hearing you saying that!"

"Hey, you're the one on the ridge! Don't complain to me! I didn't ASK to be assigned to this dumb job!"

"Okay, look! They're just standing there and talking. That's all they're doing! That's all they ever do is just stand there and talk! That's what they were doing last week! That's what they were doing 5 minutes ago when you asked me then! So five minutes from NOW, when you ask me 'What are they doing?' My answer's gonna be 'they're still just standing there and they're still just talking!"

"… What are they taking about?"

"You know what? I freakin hate you…"

-With the Fellowship-

"Hey, did ya'll hear that?" asked Merry

"Um, hear what? Did it sound like inane babble? Or chickens?" asked Helga

"… Yes?"

"Then it's Snaitf! Come on!"

-Back On the Ridge-

"Hey, I think they're coming this way!"

"Great! We can have a slumber party!"

"You idiot! We were sent to get that bloody ring back! No to have a bloody slumber party! What's bloody with you?"

"Bloody potatoes, you don't have to yell!"

"You know what? The probably heard you talking! You idiot!"

"Well, you're a potato!"

"Shh! Maybe if we're quiet, they won't here us!"

-With the Fellowship-

Meanwhile, the Fellowship was standing about 3 feet away and heard the whole conversation.

"They sound very friendly!" said Pippin

"Yeah, considering, oh… you know, THEY'RE ORCS!" Moosey shouted at Pippin

"Well… yeah!" Pippin answered

"Sigh. This is going to be a looong day." Said Aragorn

"You said it, Aragorn!" Said nameless pointy-eared guy

-With Snaitf-

"… and then Luke went to Alderaan, except there was no Alderaan, it was a meteor shower! So Ben was all like "That's no moon! It's a space station!" So the llamas invaded Iraq so the planet could explode because of the Black Star Dragon Balls! But then Piccolo fused with George Bush to make Piccogeorge! And he saved the universe by chewing bubble gum and spitting it in the bad guy's hair so he had to go home and take a bath!" Snaitf was babbling to a frog, who only appeared to be half listening.

"YOU, FROG, MUST BOW TO ME OR FACE THE WRATH OF THE EVIL PLOT BUNNIES OF DOOOOOOOMM!" The frog got freaked out and hopped away.

"HEY! Come back! I haven't poked you with a stick yet!"

-The Fellowship-

"All this cutting scenes is confusing!" yelled nameless pointy-eared guy.

"Yeah! And where's Snaitf?"

"If I know Snaitf, she'll be talking to a frog about Star Wars again…"

TBC… 

A/n: Yeah, I'm freaking myself out, so I'm going to stop right there and post. Who were those mysterious orcs and will they be a threat to our favorite peoples? Will the llamas really take over Iraq? Will Piccolo really fuse with George Bush? And is the moon really made out of cheese? Find out on the next chapter of PIPPIN THE RINGBEARER!

I just got a re-obsession of DBZ! Don't laugh at me:)

Nam… See ya later!

Snaitf Skywalker


	20. Helga's Birthday Chapter!

Pippin the Ringbearer

A/n: Hello again! Well, I've had 2 Dr. Peppers since the last chapter, so I'm good now! And now to answer reviews:) Oh, and now that I think of it, I have an account on Fictionpress, now! And guess what my name on it is? You guessed it! The same exact name as on here. I've got a very… strange essay on there, if you want to check it out. :) I already got about three reviews on it, so… yeah. And thank Bob that Lent is over! MAE GOVANNEN!

_**Review Responses for Pippin the Ringbearer**_

HarryEstel: Yes, the demands of religion. But I couldn't think of anything else! If I gave up computer, I wouldn't be able to update or check my email, and I had 22 in my inbox after not checking it for a week! Could you imagine if I didn't check it for 40 days? Plus, everyone on Fanfiction will have thought I'd died or something, and my Neopets would starve to death because I think you have to pay for someone to automatically feed them, and I have about 10 Neopoints, so no such luck of that happening. But now I'm talking gibberish:) Exploding pencils are good for your health:) Not really, but… Glad you liked the chapter:) Hey, guess what? I sold something for like 16,000 NP and someone bought it! So now I have 10,000 in my shop till, 2,000 in my bank account, and 9,000 out:) I got rich in the span of 2 weeks:)

Helga Bouvier: Yes, let's see Kerry try to top that with his ever-changing opinions and abortion-supporting Catholicism! I mean, he's CATHOLIC and he supports ABORTION! There's a passage in the Bible against abortion, but I don't know what it is. Anyways, George Bush is cool enough to beat John Kerry any day of the week without Piccolo, but it would still righteously kick-afj! Heck ya:) Thanks for reviewing! I just realized I haven't put John Kerry on my "People I Hate" list. Shame on me:)

Moosey: GO YOU! That was a stunning eulogy. Yeah, I pray more often now too. Since that church camp thing you took me to. When was that, like two weeks ago? I dunno. But yeah, the fourth book is awesome cause there's like a bajillion Aiel and Aiel are awesome. Anyways, thanks for the review!

Mina aka: Mockingbird: Hehe, very funny! Unfortunately, I promised Frodo that I wouldn't update until after Lent because she gave up LOTR for Lent, so… Thank you for the Dr. Peppers, though, cause my brother finally decided to go to the store and buy some after this chapter came out. :) Very strange, no? I think he's reading my chapters, even though he makes fun of me for reading fanfics. :) Thanks as always! You really make my day when you review:) Always get to laugh at your reviews cause they always crack me up:)

Legolasina: I'm still giving a review response since I know you're gonna read this right when Lent is over. Hope you liked it! It was fun writing:)

Boromir's Curse: Hello! WELCOME TO THE INSANITY OF MY WORLD! Man, that welcome is getting old. I need to think of something cooler… (Snicker) COOLER! (Cracks up) Sorry, old DBZ pun. Have you ever seen DBZ? It is so freakin awesome! Anyways, thanks for reading:) I appreciate it. Actually, I freakin worship your stories! They're so random and funny:) Hope you enjoy:)

FriendsWithSnaitfPerson: HI! Do I know you? Guess not:) Oh well! WELCOME TO THE INSANITY OF MY WORLD! BUAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry:) History with a twist is something me and Legolasina made up when we were like 6 or 7 ish. It was pretty funny. We just like messed around and stuff. YAY! Gimli haters unite:) Don't worry, we just had our cheerleading tryouts too:) And the student body vote only counts 30 percent because the school knows that it's just a popularity contest for the students. They don't actually look for who's good. Still, I'd never try out for cheerleader cause I'd never make it anyway, so… you know. :) Thank you for the blood compliment! ;) Thanks for the review:)

Wings as Eagles: Hee! That's funny:) I'm glad you liked it:)

Wings as Eagles (Again): Thanks! Pippin is very fun to play around with:) You get to play on his cluelessness:) It is very entertaining looking at your dialogue for a chapter and saying "Now how can I make Pippin dumber?" :) Thanks for the review:)

Reviews for If You Gave Aragorn a Dr. Pepper 

FriendsWithSnaitfPerson: And can you believe that someone reported me the last time I put this up? So unfair! And I got three flames last time:) They were funny. Long lost sisters, eh? Maybe! I wish I had a sister… Oh well:) Thanks for the compliment, but I don't think I have the BEST stories… Thanks again:)

Hermy the Wormy: Yeah that's true:) Thanks for the review:)

Wings as Eagles: Hehe! Yeah! Finding Nemo rocks:) It's my mom's favorite show too:) Dr. Pepper rocks:) Thanks for the review! And thanks for reading:)

Chapter 20: Helga's Birthday Chapter!

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO-"

"SHUT UP! THAT'S THE THIRD TIME YOU'VE SUNG THAT STUPID SONG!" Helga screamed.

"Well, it's not our fault that you decided to be born on a Monday!" said Snaitf.

"What has that got to do with ANYTHING?"

"It's important!"

"How?"

"Uh... well... you... Moosey, tell her why it's important!"

"What? Oh, well... it's right after Sunday and..."

"Exactly!"

Both of them stare at Snaitf.

"Uh, guys, why are we not in Middle Earth?" asked Aragorn.

The Fellowship was standing in the Junior High Band Hall. There were lots of chairs stacked on one wall and a huge closet where all the band instruments were stored on the other.

"Oh, about that. I forgot to take Ed home, so I was going to get him before we started Helga's Birthday Chapter."

"Uh, Snaitf, we already started Helga's Birthday Chapter."

"Oh... OH WELL!"

Moosey rolled her eyes. Snaitf got Ed and they zapped back to Middle Earth.

"Hey, Helga, guess what?"

"What?"

"YOU WILL KNOW IN DUE TIME!"

"Why do you keep saying that?"

"You will know in due time!"

"Gah!"

Snaitf laughed. "Okay, seriously, we need to start the chap-"

"SURRENDER OR YOU WILL BE EATEN!" yelled a shadowy figure.

"Who is that?" asked Snaitf.

"DO NOT SHOW DISRESPECT TO MOTHMAN!" roared a smaller figure in an annoying high-pitched voice.

"OH MY GOSH, IT'S MOTHMAN!" yelled Helga.

"The one and only!" said Mothman, stepping out of the shadows. He had a furry grey costume and antennae coming out of his head. He also had plastic wings and a black handkerchief with holes around his eyes so he could see. He also looked like a twig cause he was so skinny.

"And his assistant!" yelled the second shadowy shape. This one had kind of the same costume except green and no wings. He was really chubby, so his costume looked ready to rip.

Helga gasped. "It's Locust Lad!"

Locust Lad frowned. "I was about to say that."

"So why are ya'll here?" asked Moosey

"We would like to know the same thing," piped up Locust Lad. Mothman kicked him in the shin.

"Mothman always knows where he is! But just to make sure YOU know, where the heck are we?"

"We're in Middle Earth. In Mordor, to be exact."

"Ah, of course! Very perceptive! You obviously know your geography!"

"Um, yeah. Sure, why not?" said Pippin. He turned to Merry. "Hey, Merry! What's Geology?"

"I think it has something to do with rock candy."

"Oh... yep, we know our Geology!"

Helga slapped her forehead.

"So why did ya'll come here?"

"We got a signal from the Moth Closet!"

"... what?"

"You know, like the Bat Cave?"

"Okay..."

"Anyways, we got a signal and we followed it to here!"

"Well, we didn't signal you... I don't think..."

"Well, you're the only ones around, so you have to be the ones that signaled!"

"Say, that reminds me! What should we do with these orcs from the last chapter?"

"Uh, ask them what they're doing here?"

"Oh, sure."

"So Mothman and Locust Lad and the Fellowship walked over to where they had tied the orcs up to a tree.

"Hey, what were ya'll doing here?"

"Don't try to trick us into telling you why we're here! It won't work! We orcs are too smart for that!"

"Why here were you?"

"We were trying to get Gandalf's ring back so Sauron could regain power."

"Oh. That's cool."

"Yeah... HEY! WHY YOU TRICKSTERING LITTLE!"

Everyone stared at Snaitf.

"The Yoda talk gets them every time!" said Snaitf.

"I'll remember that next time I'm interrogating orcs," said Helga

"Yup!"

"You're so predictable. Hehe, that's a song!"

"How many bands are you obsessed with now, Helga?"

"Uh, Simple Plan, Good Charlotte, Green Day, Yellowcard and uh... that's it. But I have 6 bishonens!"

Snaitf rolled her eyes. "And you think _I'm_ predictable..."

_**TBC . . .**_

A/n: Well, happy birthday to Helga. My ADD pills wore off, so it was kinda off topic, but hey:)

Namarie, Mellyn nin!

Snaitf Skywalker


	21. The Search for Locust Lad

Pippin the Ringbearer

A/n: Hey, guys, let's have a barbecue:) Sorry it took so long to update. My brothers are always on the computer and it's impossible to get them off. But, now it's an hour before school starts, so I'm going to start the chapter!

_**Review Responses for Pippin the Ringbearer:**_

Moosey: um... okay... we'll go with that:)

Helga: Helga, did you forget to take your crazy pills again? You know what the psychiatrist will say... :) LOL! Anyways, hope you like this chapter:)

Elizabeth Crestline: Hi there! WELCOME TO THE INSANITY OF MY WORLD:)

Shadow929: YAY! Hello! How are you? Sorry, I got hyper out of nowhere... :) Thanks for the review!

Legolasina: Hi! Um... Hi! Lol :) anyways,

Mina aka: Mockingbird: YAY! MINA! (Hugs Mina) I am happy for no apparent reason! YAY! Anyways, I hoped you liked it! Just wait till they start singing their theme song:)

HarryEstel: YAY! YODA IS AWESOME! Episode Three is soooo cool! We're going to see it for the 3rd time in about a few hours. :) Thanks for the review!

Some Random Person: Hey! I said that to Frodo! Who are you? Just kidding, Fro-Fro:) Um... I'm not sure what I meant... Hmmmmmm... I don't remember what I meant by that...

Shukaido: TONY! Dude, not ALL of the orcs died! Every orc in Middle Earth does not live in Mordor! There's probably still some living in the Misty Mountains! King Elessar is the name he took when he took the throne of Gondor! What are you, 12? AND DO NOT SPEAK OF SHAKESPEARE IN FREAKIN LOVE! (Kicks Tony) No, we named it Ali Bobba land or something like that. Bobland in the world me and Moosey made up when we were in 5th grade. Drumline was so freakin RETARDED! Anyways, thanks for all the reviews:) Hope you like this one.

_**Review Responses for If You Gave Aragorn a Dr. Pepper**_

Kabuki733701: Hey there! I'm glad you liked it:) Awesomely stupid, huh? Not stupidly awesome? Hm... Ah, you can't have everything. :)

Shukaido: Shoe! Hehe, I'm gonna call you Shoe from now on:) Thanks! Glad you liked it:)

Chapter 21: The Search for Locust Lad and Frodo's Christmas!

"Hey, guys! Let's have a barbecue! Hehe, nothing bad's gonna happen today!" said Snaitf

"Would ya'll stop quoting that? It's getting on my nerves!" Aragorn muttered

"Well, okay. Hey, Mothman, do you know where Locust Lad is?" Helga asked

"Uh, I don't know. He was right here."

"Ooh, mysterious disappearance of the strange little fat kid." Said Snaitf

"Indeed" said Moosey.

Snaitf and Moosey looked at each other.

"InDEEEEED!" they said together. Helga rolled her eyes.

"Come on, we should probably find him."

"Yeah, probably." Said Snaitf.

No one moved for a full 5 minutes.

"Well, are we going to rescue him?"

"Um... sure, why not?"

So they all went looking for Locust Lad.

"Hey, maybe we should split up."

"NO WAY! In every horror movie, they split up and are killed one by one by a crazy psychopath! We are NOT going to be that stupid!" yelled Snaitf

"Well, I think we found our psychopath," said Helga. Everyone laughed.

"You won't be laughing when your head gets blown away by a shotgun!"

"Gaw, Snaitf, calm down! I mean, I know that you saw Amityville Horror like YESTERDAY, but do you have to scream like an 8 year old girl whenever you look at a mirror?"

"I do NOT scream like an 8 year old girl!"

Helga got a pocket mirror out of nowhere and threw it at Snaitf.

"AAAAHHHHHHH! GET IT AWAY!" Snaitf screamed as she climbed up a nearby flagpole. Everyone laughed.

"Hey, Snaitf? I think you can climb down now. The pocket mirror of doom is gone." Helga yelled at Snaitf as she put the pocket mirror back in her pocket. Snaitf started to climb down, then something caught her eye.

"Hey guy, there's a carnival over there!"

"COOL! LET'S GO! Wait... A carnival in the middle of Mordor?"

"Uh... yeah"

"Who put THAT in the story?" asked Moosey. Snaitf started whistling innocently.

"Oh, well... Maybe that's where Locust Lad went."

"Naw, ya think?"

"Dude, you've been around your brother for too long."

"I know."

"All right, so let's go to the carnival... in the middle of Mordor..."

"Let's go!"

They were walking for a while when:

"Hey, Snaitf, are you sure you saw a carnival?"

"Yeah, it's up here... somewhere."

"Maybe you should climb another flagpole and look for it."

"Naw, here it is!"

Sure enough, standing there was a large carnival with a big banner stating "Carnevale Mordoria"

"Carnevale Mordoria? What kind of a name is that?" asked Sam

"Yeah! It should be named 'Mordorian Carnival' or 'The Big Huge Freakin Carnival in the Middle of Mordor' or something like that." Said Pippin

"That wouldn't fit on the sign." Snaitf pointed out

"Oh yeah..."

"Hey, I just remembered it's Frodo's Christmas!"

"What?" asked everyone.

"Yeah! Frodo's Christmas is today! Well... today last week, but... same difference."

"Uh, Snaitf, do you mean 'Frodo's BIRTHDAY?'"

"Oh... yeah."

"Huh. Indeed."

"INDEEEEEED!"

"WOULD YA'LL STOP IT!"

"Seriously..."

"Hey! It's my birthday!" exclaimed Frodo suddenly.

"Yeah! Wait, where have you been for the last few chapters?" asked Helga

"Oh, well I was here, but a certain AUTHOR didn't give me any speaking parts!"

"Hey! There's like, 14 characters to assign speaking parts! What's a poor little author like me to do?" asked said author.

"Um..."

"Exactly!"

"Riight..."

"Should we be getting to the carnival and looking for Locust Lad?" Moosey pointed out.

"Sure. Let's go!" said Aragorn

So they went into the carnival. There were orcs everywhere.

"AAHH! CARNIES!" Helga shrieked!

"They're not carnies! They're just misunderstood! Wanna see my drawings? You guys suck!" said some guy out of nowhere.

"AH! IT'S TONY! AHAHAHAHA!" said Helga

"Tony! What's it been, like 3 weeks?" asked Snaitf.

"TONY! YOU SAID I LIKED DYLAN ON THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL!" Screamed Moosey. Moosey kicked Tony... hard.

"Ow! You guys are so mean!" complained Tony

"Indeed." Agreed Snaitf.

"INDEEEED!" screamed Moosey and Snaitf together

"WOULD YA'LL STOP IT?" shrieked Helga.

"Sorry."

"What are ya'll talking about? You never tell me anything!"

"Shut up, Tony."

"Uhh!" said Tony. Then he ran off.

"Hehe... Tony the Barbarois." Said Moosey

"Hehe... yeah."

"Right. What were we doing in a carnival again?"

"Uhh... buying cotton candy?" asked Pippin

"No, Pip. Try again."

"Hmm... I remember... a strange little fat kid..." said Snaitf.

"Oh! We were going to find Locust Lad!"

"Oh yeah!"

So they went deeper into the carnival looking for Locust Lad and trying not to give into the temptation to buy stuff at the gift shops. Finally, they had searched the entire carnival except...

"No! We are NOT going in there!"

"But that's where he must be! We've looked everywhere! The House of Wax, The Fortune Teller's Tent."

"The Hot Dog Vendor and the Chamber of Farts"

"That really boring thing on the history of barf..."

"Okay, okay! But we are not going in THERE!" said Snaitf, pointing to the tent with the letters "House of Mirrors" on it.

"Oh, don't be such a baby, Snaitf!" said Helga

"Shut up or I'll sick Jemarcus on you!"

"YAY! JEMARCUS!"

"Uh... on second thought, shut up or I'll cut all of Jemarcus's limbs off except a mechanical arm and throw him next a pit of lava and watch as he squirms and tries to get away from the lava that is slowly eating away his legs. THEN we'll see who laughs when Vader wears a pink dress! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"... Dude, what are you talking about?"

"Actually, I'm not sure..."

"Dude, you've seen Episode 3 WAAYY to many times..."

"Kudos to that."

"Well, we need to go to the House of Mirrors, so you can either go with us or stay out here with the orcs... and fungus, and creepy guys with knives-"

"ALL RIGHT! I'll go with ya'll!"

"Sweet."

_**TBC...**_

A/n: Hey everybody! (Everyone glares at Snaitf) Okay, I know I'm a little late in the updating, but I have my reasons! I made the mistake of writing the beginning of this chapter on this computer. My brother is now obsessed with WoW and will not get off the computer if there is a fire burning down the house. So I had to wait until he got off to finish, and then I went to San Antonio and Dallas right after that. So now I'm back from Dallas and my brother is off the computer. It's a miracle! Anyways, I'm gonna post this now, and happy week late birthday to Frodo!

Namarie, Mellon nin!

Snaitf Skywalker


	22. THE EVIL COCKROACHES OF IMPENDING DOOM!

Pippin the Ringbearer

A/n: Yeah, hi again! Sorry about the long long long long long long LONG long long long… (1 hour later) long wait… I don't really have an excuse except that I was lazy and my well of imagination had run dry for a few months. But now I think I'm okay… I've got a long chapter for ya'll to make up for the wait. :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars… or LOTR… or the cockroaches… well, I do own them… But I don't own Mothman. He's just there.

Chapter 22: THE EVIL COCKROACHES OF IMPENDING DOOM!

"Uh, Frodo, can we go? These mirrors are creeping me out." Said Snaitf, looking apprehensively (ooh… big word) at the mirrors.

"Hang on! Watch this!" Frodo said. She poked her new Davy Crockett bobblehead. The bobblehead… well, bobbled. Frodo shrieked with happiness.

"It's so… COOL!"

"Yes, it's fantastic… can we PLEASE go?" asked Snaitf.

"Wha? Oh… I guess."

"Wait! We have to find Locust Lad!" exclaimed Moosey.

"We've already looked all through the House of Mirrors. He's not here."

"… Then where is he?"

"As I see it, there is only one explanation…"

"…."

"…"

"… what is it?" asked Helga

"Locust Lad has been kidnapped by… THE EVIL COCKROACHES OF IMPENDING DOOOOOOOOOM!"

"What?"

"Every other Saturday, around noon, the cockroaches come out and KILL ALL THE LOCUSTS! They must have captured Locust Lad because they thought he was the ruler of the Locust Empire! This will spell certain doom for all of Middle EARTH!"

"…Um… how will it spell doom for Middle Earth?" asked a confused Pippin.

"The Evil Cockroaches of Impending Doom are secretly in league with… MORGFOTH!" Somewhere behind them, lightning struck.

"… wait, Morgfoth?" inquired Sam

"Yes! Morgoth's older brother! Far more EVIL and………. EVIL than his brother!"

"Sooo… what does this have to do with us finding Locust Lad?" asked Legolas

"Do you not see? The Evil Cockroaches of Impending Doom will use there advanced technology to TURN LOCUST LAD INTO A COCKROACH! And then… um… Loc-Roach Lad will DESTROY THE LOCUST POPULATION!"

"But… why does that spell certain doom for Middle Earth?" Asked an even more confused but still equally adorable Pippin.

"Because without Locusts to wage their… bi weekly war against, the Evil Cockroaches of Impending Doom will turn there attack against mosquitoes!"

"And that's a bad thing?" Aragorn wondered aloud.

"No! But if the Evil Cockroaches of Impending Doom destroy the mosquitoes, they will DESTROY THE HUMAN POPULATION!"

"How do you come to THAT conclusion?" asked Merry.

"Because the mighty lord MORGFOTH will see that they are good at destroying things—after all, they did destroy the mosquitoes—and he will order them to wage a war against humans!"

"All of this because of Locust Lad?" asked Frodo.

"Loc-ROACH Lad!"

"Erm… right… You have issues, Snaitf." Said Helga.

"We must stop the Cockroaches of Impending Doom!"

"All right… how?" asked Mothman.

You're actually listening to her?"

"Well, if we can get Locust Lad back, then I suppose we should try it."

"All right. So how do we save Locust Lad?

"STEP 1! We get out of here. And never watch Amityville Horror ever again."

"Um… that sounds like a good start… I guess…"

"Then COME! I shall lead us!"

"Erm, Snaitf? How bout someone who isn't… you know, insane leads us?"

"… Yeah, that's a good idea." She agreed. So they nominated Aragorn to lead them out of the Carnival. As they walked about the deserted street, they saw that most of the stands had tiny bites taken out of them.

"Aha! See? The Cockroaches of Impending Doom have made their carnage!" exclaimed Snaitf.

"Fascinating." Said Moosey in a dull voice. As they walked a little further, Pippin got bored and wandered off. He was not really paying attention and ran into a man.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to…" he trailed off as he realized that he wasn't looking at a man at all…

-With the Fellowship-

"Something doesn't seem right…" muttered Legolas

"What do you mean?" asked Aragorn.

"Well, usually by this time Pippin would be asking 'Are we there yet?'"

"Hey, yeah. Why are you so quiet, Pip?" Aragorn turned around to find Pippin missing.

"Oh great! Where'd he go this time?" asked Frodo. At that moment they heard a high pitched shriek.

"Funny, that sounded almost like…" Sam trailed off worriedly

"Pip's in trouble!" yelped Merry

"He's been captured by the COCKROACHES!" yelled Snaitf.

"No way! Not even Pippin is dumb enough to walk straight into a cockroach!" objected Legolas.

"Says the ninny elf who let Pippin navigate." Aragorn muttered under his breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing!"

Legolas frowned suspiciously at Aragorn before continuing, "At any rate, we should go check it out."

"Yes! Check it out indeed!"

"… In-DEEEED!" Moosey and Snaitf yelled together. They burst out laughing.

"That never gets old."

"No it doesn't."

"Uh, guys? Pippin's in mortal danger, remember?"

"Oh right! TO THE NOISE!"

They ran after the sound and came to a very strange sight. A cockroach the size of Pippin and Pippin himself were sitting down sipping tea!

"Erm, Pip? What are you doing?"

"Oh, I was talking to Stan."

"Stan?"

"Oh yes. He's a charming fellow. And it's been so long since we had tea. Won't you join us?"

"Um… Pippin, we're supposed to be rescuing Locust Lad."

"Oh, I know. But Stan says that he knows where Locust Lad is."

"Really? He can help us rescue him!"

At that moment, Stan the Cockroach started making weird clicking noises. To everyone's surprise, Pippin made clicking noises back.

"What are you doing, Pip?"

"Oh, I'm speaking Cockroachian. It's the language native to all cockroaches. Although he does have a strange accent."

"You can speak Cockroachian?"

"Oh yeah! I've been at it for years! Since before we were Tweens."

"So that's why you cried every time I stepped on one at home!"

"YOU KILLED FRED AND JOSEPH!" Pippin started crying. Stan patted him on the back in what was probably meant as a comforting way. It looked more like he was trying to drill its claw into Pippin's back. (Do cockroaches have claws? Oh well… these ones do.) But either way, Pippin smiled at him.

"Thank you, Stan. You're a good friend. You don't STEP on my OTHER FRIENDS!"

"Erm… sorry?" said Merry.

"Well, where is Locust Lad?" asked Aragorn

"T'tlak'klak'rakeity-tkttktlalctica" Stan answered.

"Erm… Pip, what'd he say?"

"He said that Locust Lad is in the secret Cockroach base. We'll have to infiltrate it to rescue him."

"Oh good! Where is it?"

Stan made very annoyed sounding ticks and clicks.

"He said that only the Cockroach government knows exactly where it is."

"Oh… So where can we find someone in the Cockroach government?" asked Snaitf

"Stan IS a government official of the Cockroaches. Don't you see the markings?" asked Pippin as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"... Riiiiight……."

"Well, can he take us to the secret Cockroach base?"

"I suppose, but it would attract a lot of attention from the public if the President of the Cockroaches decided on a whim to see the secret base."

"HE'S THE COCKROACH PRESIDENT?" shrieked Helga

"… Yeah. Can't you see the markings?"

"Um… right… Is the Cockroaches government a republic?" asked Moosey

"Well, yeah!"

"Thought so… So can we go to the base now?" asked Aragorn

"Well, no one under any circumstances is allowed into the base except government officials. Not even under the permission of the President of the Cockroaches."

"Well then, we'll have to infiltrate it." Legolas pointed out.

Stan made a very long series of clicks.

"He said that the base is impenetrable. No one, insect or otherwise, has made it to the base and lived."

"I know who can get in." announced Snaitf suddenly.

"Huh? But Stan said no one can." Said a confused Sam.

"Yes, that's what they said about the General's room on the _Invisible Hand_ when the Chancellor was kidnapped. That's also what they said about the Imperial Base on Bellassa. And the Defense and Offense Ministry of Delaluna. And Jenna Zan Arbor's secret base. And the—"

"Snaitf, get to the point." Interrupted Moosey.

Snaitf frowned and continued, "If we do this, we need the help of… OBI-WAN KENOBI!"

Everyone stared for a while. Finally, Helga said, "Now I KNOW you have issues."

"Think about it! If you read the books, Obi-Wan has infiltrated into more heavily guarded bases or buildings than any other Jedi ever written about! Surely he can find a way!"

"Wait, before you go on, what's the _Invisible Hand?_"

"It's a ship. General Grievous's ship, to be exact. You saw it in the first 20 minutes of Episode III."

"Wow… you know the name of General Grievous's flagship. Now that's got to be one of the saddest things I've ever heard."

"Oh no, I've heard sadder," Snaitf said, "They have an English to Huttish dictionary at Hastings. Mom won't let me get it." Snaitf frowned at that statement.

"Wow… that's… wow…." Said Moosey.

"Please continue, Snaitf." Said Mothman.

"It's really simple, isn't it?" said Sam, "We zap over to Coruscant, pick up Obi-Wan, bring him back, ask him to infiltrate the base, then zap him back."

"Actually, it's not that simple. You see, you need permission from the Jedi Council on a 9 or greater consensus to kidnap and/or zap a Jedi from the Temple."

"Ah… How do we do that?"

"We ask the Council if we can borrow him."

"… And do you think they'll agree?"

Snaitf snorted, "Heck no! Obi-Wan's one of the most respected Jedi in the Temple. They're not going to let a handful of spastic teenagers, a man in a moth suit, 3 midgets, a greasy Ranger, an elf, and a cockroach just borrow him!"

"So… we can't use Obi-Wan…"

"No, we can use him. We just have to get him in the middle of a mission."

"Mission?"

"Yes, mission. That way, we're not borrowing him, we're kidnapping him."

"And there's nothing against kidnapping Jedi in the middle of a mission in the Jedi Code?"

"Naw. The Separists do it all the time. (BURN!)"

"Oh. All right then."

"Erm, Snaitf, there's just one problem."

"What's that?"

"Okay, do you know what it says at the beginning of every Star Wars movie?"

"LucasFilms Ltd.?"

"After that."

"Star Wars Episode blank?"

"Before that, Snaitf."

"… A long, long time ago—"

"YES! Exactly! A LONG, LONG TIME! As in WE CAN'T GET OBI-WAN CAUSE HE'S ALREADY DEAD!"

"… first of all, I didn't finish. Second of all, we're in Middle Earth after the Ring got destroyed. Don't you think that required some means of time travel? And third of all, I'm the author and can do whatever I want, including bringing to Republic back to how it was before the Empire and kidnapping Obi-Wan some time during the attack on Praesitlyn."

"Why Praesitlyn?"

"Because that's almost right before Ep. III. And Anakin's not there. He went on a solo mission. It's the best time to kidnap him."

"But… don't they need him?"

"Yeah… but we won't keep him long. We'll bring him right back."

Moosey sighed, "All right, let's get this over with."

"Yes. But only me, Moosey and Helga should go." Said Snaitf

"Why?"

"Well, we don't want to scare him off…"

"Quite right. Okay, let's go.

So they zapped to some planet that Obi-Wan was doing his mission on, with havoc and chaos following in their… … um… midst? I guess that's the word… yeah… Following in their midst!

-On Some Planet-

Obi-Wan sighed as he walked down the hall of the Government building. Had Yoda intentionally given him the most boring job possible? Sighing again, he headed for the Conference room. This planet and its neighbor were making a treaty and needed Jedi mediation to make the meeting more peaceful. Whoopdy-Freakin-Doo. Obi-Wan stopped short as he looked up at the door to the conference room. Blocking it were 3 teenagers with glasses, arguing. One had black hair and brown eyes while another had blond hair and blues eyes and the third had red hair and green eyes. All 3 wore glasses.

"Snaitf, this has got to be one of the most retarded plans you've ever come up with!" the blond was saying.

"I resent that statement, Moosey!" said the one with black hair. Obviously, she was Snaitf, "This isn't as bad as the time we were going to rebel against the teachers in 3rd grade!"

"That was fourth grade." The red head pointed out.

"Oh yeah."

"Okay, you win, it's not as bad as that time, but it comes pretty close! You don't even know what planet he's on!"

"Yeah, so?"

"Well, when we agreed to do this, I at least expected you'd know where he was!"

"Well, it never says in _Jedi Trial_ where exactly he went!"

"So what are you going to do? Ask Anakin where he is?"

"I don't know his comlink frequency." There was a silence

"Comlink frequency?"

"Yes. It never says in any of the books! And it drives me crazy!"

"Snaitf… you don't have a comlink!"

"So?"

"So his comlink frequency would be useless to you!"

"I know… but if a situation like this ever arose, we would be ready!"

Obi-Wan had no idea what they were talking about, but the meeting was about to start. "Erm, excuse me, you're blocking the doorway."

All three of them froze and turned. Snaitf grinned at the other two. "I TOLD you!" she said triumphantly.

"Lucky guess." Moosey muttered.

Snaitf shot a look at Moosey before smiling at Obi-Wan and saying, "Hi Obi-Wan! You might be wondering why we are here!"

"Obi-Wan frowned. It sounded like she was reading from a script card. "Erm… I suppose."

"Well… you see…. We're sorta here to … kidnap you."

Obi-Wan stared. Clearly, this girl had issues. "Oh… well, it's been nice meeting you, but I really have to be going…"

"Never underestimate the power of teenagers in large groups, Master Kenobi," said the red head seriously. Obi-Wan couldn't tell whether they were joking or not.

"And why are you kidnapping me?"

"Well, it was either this or petition to the Jedi Council to borrow you, and you know how stingy the Council can be…"

Obi-Wan nodded. He knew very well indeed.

"Right, so in order to keep to the Jedi Code AND avoid the Council till as late as possible in this little scheme, we're going to kidnap you and zap you back to our planet… well, not OUR planet, but the planet we were on that needed help. Your help."

"Snaitf, why did you TELL him we were going to kidnap him?" asked Moosey

"Well, wouldn't YOU want some warning before someone shot you with an elephant tranquilizer?"

"ELEPHANT TRANQUILIZER?" Obi-Wan shouted before he felt a sharp pain in his neck. The world went black almost instantly.

_**TBC….**_

A/n: I have a plot now! (Gasp!) Yes, I know I'm mixing genres, but who cares? The law firms? (Laughs nervously, then runs to put disclaimer at the top of the page) Anyways, REVIEW!

Namarie, Mellon nin!

Snaitf Skywalker


	23. Obi's Unobsessed Fangirl

Pippin the Ringbearer

A/n: And I am back! I'm trying to update better, but I'm really bad at that so sorry everyone. :) Anyways, we have some very good ideas... well, I do... I'm not schizophrenic or anything... yeah. I have a lot of ideas from now on. So it's good to go. :)

_**Review Responses for Chapters 22 and 23**_

MushroomCommander aka: Frodo: Well, we didn't want to scare him off, now did we:) But still, you are getting more parts in these chapters. :)

Helga: You mean lack of drugs, right:) And NO FAIR I WANNA SEE! Even though it was just a lookalike... I WANT TO SEE! HURRY AND GET THAT CAMERA DEVELOPED!

HarryEstel: Yay! You get to be done with math for the rest of your life? NO FAIR! I'm only in Algebra I. :( I'm not insane! (Laughs nervously) You're not working for the asylum, are you:) just kidding, lol:) Thanks as always.

Moosey: Yeah... You're eyes look blue to me! So we're going with that. But thanks as always, Moosey.

Smeagol Fasir Kenobi: Well, what can I say? I made a typo on Morgoth's name and decided "Hey, that'll be his brother!" :) You could say I'm a Star Wars nut. :) Especially in the case of anything to do with Obi-Wan.

Chapter 23: Obi's Unobsessed Fangirl

Obi-Wan heard muffled voices. He couldn't quite remember where he was or why he was there, but he didn't care. He was tired and just wanted to go back to sleep.

"I AM NOT OBSESSED WITH OBI-WAN KENOBI!" Came a shriek. Obi-Wan was awake instantly. Those three teenagers! They had drugged him and kidnapped him! He reached for his belt. _And took my lightsaber!_ He mentally added to the list.

"YOU ARE TOO!" came a second voice,

"No, I'm not!" the first voice said in a calmer tone.

"Snaitf, I bet the first thing you do when he wakes up is scream like a little girl. BECAUSE YOU'RE OBSESSED!" said a third voice.

"NO I'M NOT!"

"Erm, excuse me..." Obi-Wan started to say. He was interrupted by a very girly, high pitched shriek emanating from Snaitf. Wincing and rubbing his damaged ear drums, Obi-Wan continued. "If you don't mind me asking, WHY IN THE NAME OF THE FORCE DID YOU KIDNAP ME?" he yelled at them.

Snaitf blinked at him. "Well, we need your help. We told you that already."

"You could have asked!" he exclaimed exasperatedly.

Snaitf was about to answer, then stopped and turned to Moosey. "Now, why didn't we think of that?" she asked.

"You didn't take your Adderall yesterday, did you?" asked Moosey dryly.

"Erm... no." Snaitf admitted.

"Thought so... It's kinda noticeable."

"That it is, Moosey. That it is."

"I'm hungry," Pippin said randomly.

"Me too," agreed Obi-Wan.

"We will have CEREAL for breakfast!" Snaitf announced.

"Erm, what cereal do we have?" asked Obi-Wan.

Snaitf looked through the pack. "Erm... Star Wars cereal... Cinnamon Force Crunch... Star Wars Lava Blast Poptarts... Ranger-o's... Elfy Charms... Hobbit Puffs... Dr. Pepper flavored lollypop, MINE!" Snaitf screamed, grabbing the lollypop and running off into the woods... well... sulfurous rock thing, not woods... but oh well.

Obi-Wan stared after her. "Erm... is she a nutcase?" he asked the others.

"Ooooooh yeah." Answered Frodo. "I'm Frodo by the way. And this is Fred." She pointed to Fred the Trombone. Fred waved in his own tromboney way.

Obi-Wan stared at Frodo and Fred for a few minutes. "Ah... you... named your instrument..." he said slowly.

"Yep! Moosey and Helga named theirs too!"

Helga got her trumpet out of nowhere. "This Billy Joe Armstrong Jr. He's named after his dad. HE'S ADOPTED, YOU SICKOS!" she added. "But anyways, He's a very nice little boy and he replaced my old horn, Double D. But Billy Jr. keeps getting sick and he throws up grease on me all the time.

Moosey took out her own Tenor Sax. "This is Taisa. That means colonel in Japanese or Chinese or something like that. They call Roy Mustang that in Full Metal Alchemist. But this isn't my first tenor. First I had D, and he was an alto. But then the teacher switched me to tenor. So I got a Tenor and named him Callandor. And Callandor was so awesome! But the teacher said someone else had to use Callandor so I had to get a new one. SO I named my new tenor Semirhage. But Semirhage is a girl name and he was a guy, so he got ticked off at me. So I changed his name to Sammael. But he was still really mad at me, so he didn't play very well. Then I got a NEW tenor because someone else was going to use Sammael. So I named the new one Birgitte. Snaitf and me always argue about how to pronounce her name from the book. But anyways, Birgitte was awesome, even more awesome that Callandor, but sadly I had to give her up too because I accidentally broke her neck. So I got another tenor, and I named him Grove. Grove was awesome too, but I liked Birgitte a lot too. But his G# key kept messing up and the neck pipe swung around and SNAITF kept poking him in jazz band and his neck kept falling. But they gave Grove to the new 7th grade Tenor. So I got a brand new horn that the school just bought. And that's Taisa." Moosey huggled Taisa. Obi-Wan's eye twitched.

"Don't forget Ed!" Said Snaitf. She came out carrying a shiny alto sax. "This is Ed. I have had him since 6th grade. My brother bought him from a friend. But he only knows La Cucaracha and Birdland on saxophone, so he let me have him. But now I have to get a new saxophone because Ed's a beginner sax and I need to move up to an intermediate/expert sax. But I've seen pictures of Ed's new sister, and she's SOO pretty! I'll have to show you a picture! She's a Selmer! But I haven't decided on a name yet. I just don't know! I think Sally maybe. From Nightmare. But what was the name of the Corpse Bride? I forgot! I dunno..." she trailed off, trying to think of a name.

"How about Faye?" asked Moosey.

"Gasp! IT'S PERFECT!" gasped Snaitf.

"Yay! So when's Faye getting here?"

"About a week."

"SWEET!" yelled Moosey and Helga.

"Erm... ya'll have issues..." said Obi-Wan. He got a box of Cinnamon Force Crunch and started eating. The others soon joined him.

"So how bout the whole 'breaking into the cockroach base for us' plan?" asked Snaitf.

"You drugged me, kidnapped me, and took my lightsaber and you expect me to just turn around and say 'Sure I'll help you!'?" he asked

"Well... yeah."

"Why me?"

"Because you're the best 'breaking into things' Jedi we know!"

"Well, find someone else, because I'm not doing it!"

Snaitf frowned. "All right. I'm sure the Jedi Council will be most interested in seeing a certain MOVIE!"

Obi-Wan blinked. "What movie?"

"It's called _Down with Love_!"

"Really? What's it about?"

"I will show you!" yelled Snaitf. She got a DVD out of nowhere and they watched it.

"My word! He looks exactly like me!" yelped Obi-Wan. Another scene came on. "ACK! He's dancing around in his boxers! AND lying to some girl and breaking just about every other rule in the Jedi Code!"

"There's a rule about not dancing around in your boxers?"

"Well, no but... MY LOOKALIKE IS A FRIGGIN SWINGING BACHELOR!"

"My point exactly!"

"You are evil."

"I know. Now join us and together we can rule the galaxy as father and son! Cough, sorry wrong timeline."

Obi-Wan blinked. "I'll choose to ignore that."

"JOIN US!"

The Jedi Master sighed. "Alright. What is their security like?"

Stan answered with a bunch of clicks.

Obi-Wan jumped. "When did the president get here?" he yelped.

"How do you know he's the president?" asked Snaitf, "We haven't even told you that yet!"

"Well, can't you see the markings?" Obi-Wan asked as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"... Moving on. What did he say, Pippin?"

"He said the food there is terrible."

"About the security, Pip."

"Oh, right. He said there's a ten inch thick ten foot tall wall around the building. And camouflage and heat sensing lasers that will kill you instantly if you come within a few feet of them."

"That's all?" asked Obi-Wan, looking surprised.

"What do you mean, 'that's all?'? DO THE WORDS HEAT SEAKING LASER MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?" Moosey shrieked

"I told you this was a good idea." Said Snaitf.

"Let me repeat that phrase: HEAT SEAKING LASER!"

"At least they don't have a moat. Now we won't even have to get our clothes wet," said Obi-Wan nonchalantly.

Moosey stared at him. "You're worried about your CLOTHES! May I remind you of the HEAT SEAKING MISSILE!"

"I know. Alright look, here's my plan."

_**TBC...**_

A/n: well, there you go! Another chapter for you to read! And by the way, it's Moosey's birthday and I didn't have any ideas for her chapter, so sorry Moosey, I'll make it up to you and such. :)

Namarie, Mellyn nin!

Snaitf Kenobi. In a completely unobsessed fangirl sort of way.


	24. The StoryWriter 360

Pippin the Ringbearer

A/n: Well, here we are… not much else to say really… other than the fact that my family reunion ROCKED:)

Chapter 2…4? I think…

"I like the word Bermuda! Beeerrrrrmuda! BurMUDa… BermuDA… BERMuda…"

"Frodo," said Snaitf.

"Yeah?"

"Shut up."

"Okay."

The Fellowship was crouching behind a rock conveniently located right in front of the entrance.

"Wow, you know, it's really lucky for us that this rock is right in this exact spot," said Obi-Wan.

"_I _didn't put it there," said Snaitf, "Mandos did."

"Didn't he have a hall named Mando's hall where all the dead people went?" asked Moosey.

"Dead elves. Humans weren't allowed."

"So… if he's the keeper of dead elves, why would he make rocks?"

"Umm… cause all the Valar helped make Arda."

"Okay…"

"I like the word Bermuda! Ber--" Started Frodo

"Frodo"

"Yes?"

"Shut up."

"Sorry, I keep quoting that,"

"Yeah, I noticed."

"So what's the plan?" asked Helga.

"Maassterrr… the pllaaaaanssss!" said Snaitf in a perfect impression of Igor from Nightmare Before Christmas. Helga cracked up, then went into a giggle fit, then started rolling on the ground for about 2 hours in yet another giggle fit.

"Wow, that must be a really funny part in the movie..." said Obi-Wan

"I like the word Teh. It's fun to say… Teh… Hehe…" Said Snaitf randomly.

"Oookay… anyways, the plan is… well, they have to change guards, and to do that people have to come from outside, right?"

"Yeah, we'll go with that."

"Anyways, all we have to do is wait for the guard change, steal some uniforms and act like we belong there."

"That works?" asked Moosey, surprised.

"Well, it's like Qui-Gon used to say; 'When you want to leave someplace unobserved, pick the busiest spot.'"

"Gasp! I actually had to LOOK UP A STAR WARS QUOTE! Gasp! I usually remember that one!" said Snaitf randomly.

"But how do you know that even works?" asked Moosey skeptically.

"It worked on Telos… and Kegan… and that one place…" said Snaitf.

Obi-Wan twitched. "How on earth do you know all of that?" he asked

"I read Jedi Apprentice." Snaitf replied smiling creepily. Then she twitched, "DUDE! This is the longest 5 minutes of my life!"

"You're really impatient, you know that?"

"Well, you're one to talk, Mr. I-left-the-Jedi-Order-to-help-some-kids!"

"That was a long time ago!"

Snaitf was about to say something then they heard a beep. "SHRIEK!" Snaitf ran from behind the rock.

Obi-Wan shook his head. "What some people will do for Mac n' Cheese."

"BIG PACK Mac n' Cheese, if you must know!" Obi-Wan simply rolled his eyes.

"Hey! I just read this book about ADD and it says that I am a massive procrastinator!"

"Um… we knew that already."

"Oh… well, I found this neat-o thing on E-Bay!"

"What?"

"Ladies and gentlemen… I GIVE YOU!" Snaitf dropped a curtain dramatically, revealing a huge machine taller than Moosey with lots of buttons.

"What is it?" asked Frodo.

"This is the Story-Writer 360! It writes stories for you based on cybernetic… um, knowledge."

"You know, there's a difference between—" Obi-Wan started.

"Between knowledge and wisdom. I know." Snaitf finished the quote. Obi-Wan frowned, then waited.

Snaitf sighed. "Well, if droids could think, there'd be none of us here, would there?" She continued, "Anyways, it's programmed to write stories for you! You just insert a genre and the plot and it's off!" She pressed a grey button and selected Humor.

"Now I won't have to come up with stuff and ya'll won't have to wait for updates!" she exclaimed, hitting the button.

"I have a bad feeling about this." Obi-Wan said apprehensively.

"I don't sense anything," Snaitf replied smugly.

Obi-Wan frowned at her. "You assume too much."

Snaitf was about to reply, then realized that there wasn't a line after that one! "Drat," she muttered.

"If you will get back on task, Snaitf. Let's see this thingy."

"Fine. Hang on, lemme…" she trailed off, hitting a bunch of buttons. "There!" she exclaimed.

A bald dude popped out of nowhere. They all stared at him. It was Jeff! Jeff crossed over to Helga and grabbed her.

"Helga, I must tell you something!"

"What?"

"I Love you, Helga!" he answered romantically.

Helga stared at him for a moment. "SNAITF!" she yelled slowly.

Snaitf stared cluelessly at the scene, then looked back at the machine. She jumped. "Darn it, I said _HUMOR_ not _ROMANCE!_" She yelled at it, trying to turn it off.

Jeff, in the meanwhile, had dipped Helga, who was yelling at Snaitf.

"Why the heck did you put it on romance!"

"I didn't mean to, I meant to put it on… darn it! Does anyone have a wrench?" she asked

"I don't have a wrench, but I do have a Jedi Swiss army knife that turns into a sledge hammer."

"Can I borrow it?"

Obi-Wan tried to think of a quote that would make sense, then found himself at a loss. "Sure," he replied instead, handing her the Jedi Swiss army knife.

Snaitf twirled all of the little thingies out of the knife, looking for the sledge hammer. "Where is it?"

"It's right... here, let me." He took it back and found the right one, handing it back to Snaitf. She smiled shyly.

"Thanks…"

"SNAITF!" Helga yelled, trying to keep away from Jeff. "A LITTLE HELP HERE?"

"Sorry! Here!" Snaitf smacked the machine a few times. It whirred slowly, then shut down.

Jeff disappeared, leaving Helga being held in place by nothing. So she felled on her back.

"SNAITF!"

"Sorry! I couldn't find the thing!"

"Well, just try it again," suggested Frodo.

"Oh NO you don't! I am not going through that again!"

"No, I'll get it this time, I promise!" Snaitf reassured her.

"Snaitf, why don't you read the manual?" asked Moosey.

"Moosey, manuals are just guidelines written in scientific gibberish," Snaitf said to her, hitting buttons at random.

"Erm, well according to the manual, you're about to program it to kill everyone in the story," said Sam, reading a very thick manual.

"Ack!" Snaitf exclaimed, unclicking the buttons.

"Now Character 1 is going to commit suicide," he frowned.

"Okay, point taken," said Snaitf, hitting more buttons.

"Umm, Snaitf?"

"Yes?"

"Erm… don't hit that button," he warned.

"Oh," Snaitf frowned at the button she was about to press.

"If only we had Tru Veld with us," Obi-Wan said suddenly.

"Who?" asked Legolas.

"Tru Veld. He's a Padawan, and he memorizes manuals as a hobby."

"That's a really weird hobby…" said Frodo.

"Yeah… Tru's a strange kid."

"Lemme see that manual, Sam," Snaitf said. After reading said manual, Snaitf figured out what she had done wrong and got it working right.

Pippin, in the meantime, had been circling around the machine and was now behind it. On the back, right at eye level with him, was a big red button that said in clear black letters 'DO NOT PRESS' above it. Now why did they not want anyone to press it? What did it do? Why was it so shiny if they didn't want anyone to press it? With a sudden surge of curiosity, Pippin hit the button. _It can't to that much harm_, he reasoned.

A myriad of beeps came from the machine. Snaitf jumped back, staring at it. "I didn't do anything!" she yelped. Sam flipped through the manual frantically.

"Uh-oh," he said slowly.

"What?" Snaitf asked.

Sam looked at them, panicked. "Where is Pippin?"

_**TBC…**_

A/n: Muahaha, I felt like being evil. So now we have a plot AND a subplot! Poor Locust Lad must feel pretty neglected. Poor poor Locust Lad. :) LOL well, review!


	25. The Machine Goes Wacko!

Pippin the Ringbearer

A/n: First, there is one thing I would like to say... and that is: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Hehe, with a little (Cough) _urging_ from my partners in crime, Moosey and Helga, (including a very humorous phone call from Helga) I have decided to update sooner than usual. And this chapter is written to flex my writing abilities besides humor. Although there's plenty of that in here. ;)

**Another note that you should pay attention to**: I HAVE read the message saying that review responses are not allowed at the beginning OR end of the chapter. Personally, I think that is gay so I'm not going to listen to them since they don't ever bother to actually LOOK at the stories unless someone reports it, and they don't even look at it then. So F them. :) Now, to the review responses—the old fashion way.

_**Review Responses for Pippin the Ringbearer**_

_**Chapter 23:**_

HarryEstel: Hmm, I suppose I can share him... tell you what; you can keep him Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, and I'll keep him Thursday, Friday and the weekends. :) LOL jk:) Thanks for the review

Moosey: LOL okay, wouldn't want you to get in trouble:)

Helga: Ewan McGregor? You mean Stay? Yeah, that was a weird movie... and you STILL have not shown me!

Valerie Hayashibara: LOL Welcome to the insanity of my world:) Glad you like it!

Frodo aka the Mushroom Commander: LOL yeah... Thanks for having the patience to watch that... he IS hot though:)

Smeagol: LOL You will know... actually, you probably already know... :) Hehe, I know all about English teachers freaking out from last year, but this year, Ms. McNarnia (She gets 1000 cool points for letting me call her that) is SO COOL! She calls me SNAITF! (Dies of happiness, awards 1000 more cool points) But I think I've told you this already...

_**Chapter 24:**_

Helga: Well, it's been a while, so he's gotten over me and obsessed with you. :) LOL! Well, you probably don't want to borrow it, and you'll see why... :) And a reply to you anonymous review AND your phone call, I'M UPDATING SOON:)

Moosey: Yes, Moosey, I got all 3 of your reviews:) Okay, okay, whatever you say! Hehe, but I don't think you will be pleased... ;) Yikes, don't hurt me! All right, but leave my dreams in peace! Lol.

HarryEstel: Actually, I'm still trying to figure out if I WAS on a sugar high… :) Glad you like it!

Chapter 25:

"Umm, where _is_ Pippin?" asked Snaitf.

"Right here!" said a muffled voice. Out came Pippin with an all-too-innocent expression on his face.

"What did you do, Pippin?" asked Sam in a dangerous voice.

"The button was so shiny..." he said pathetically, his lip quivering

"Well that's just dandy!" Sam exclaimed.

"What? What did that button do?" asked Moosey

"Well, the manual said that it will go haywire and make up stories without control." He looked back at the manual, "It says; in the event that the button is pressed, we recommend..." he turned the page, then frowned, "Run!"

"Well, I guess we should do what it—" Helga began. Suddenly, the machine went ominously silent. Everyone stared at it apprehensibly. The controls for the genres was spinning out of control. Then it stopped suddenly on _ROMANCE_.

"I have a _baaaaad_ feeling about this," Snaitf and Obi-Wan said at the same time. Before anyone could reply, a guy with short black hair and an electric guitar appeared next to Helga. They stared at each other for a few minutes, then Helga screamed "TOM!" and attacked him with a hug. Tom stared at her.

"I've never seen a more beautiful girl in my life!" he said.

"Let's pretend we met at a rock show!"

"I shall never thirst for love again, for you have given me the Coke of love!"

"I love you, Tom!"

"My love-coke!"

"Love coke?" Snaitf asked out of nowhere. "Where did that come from?"

"SNAITF YOU'RE RUINING MY FLUFFY WITH TOM!"

"Do not let her trouble you, love-Coke!" Tom said romantic-like. They started to kiss, then the genre wheel started whirling around again.

"What did it land on?" asked Helga, still in a trance at having Tom show up.

"Um... Angst," answered Frodo.

"What IS Angst?" asked Merry.

As they were about to answer, another man appeared, this time with a fo-hawk and a black T-shirt that said Role Model on it. He stared at Helga and Tom.

"Love goat!" he gasped.

Suddenly, they were all transported to a laboratory! There standing in a glass case was a girl and a guy. There names were Janet and Rocky. There was Franky, Dr. Scott, and Brad, staring at the couple in the tank in shock. (Warning: You will not get this unless you've seen Rocky Horror Picture Show)

"Janet!" Yelled Dr. Scott

"Dr. Scott!" Yelled Janet, surprised.

"Helga!" Yelled Pierre

"Pierre!" Gasped Helga

"Janet!" Yelled a horrified Brad.

"Brad!" Janet yelled back.

"Tom!" Pierre muttered, eyes narrowing.

"Snaitf!" Moosey warned

"Pippin!" scolded Merry, seeing Pippin trying to sneak into the kitchen.

"Donkeys!" cursed Pippin

"Mushrooms!" shouted Frodo.

"Rocky!" gasped Franky

"BULLWINKLE!" Snaitf yelled randomly. Everyone stared at her.

"Janet!" yelled Dr. Scott, trying to ignore the comment.

"Dr. Scott!" gasped Janet.

"HELGA!" yelled Pierre

"Pierre!" gaped Helga

"Janet!"

"Brad!"

"Tom!"

"Snaitf!

Pippin!"

"Donkeys!"

"Mushrooms!"

"Rocky!"

"BULLWINKLE!" screamed Snaitf at the top of her lungs.

No one said anything for a few minutes.

"Let's try to get this scene right!" said a frustrated director, "That means no screaming of 'BULLWINKLE' or anything else besides 'Brad, Janet, Dr. Scott, or Rocky' unless we're in a theatre—WHICH WE'RE NOT!" Everyone sighed, but finally agreed.

"Janet!"

"Dr. Scott!"

"Janet!"

"Brad!"

"Rocky!"

Rocky said nothing. He's not supposed to.

"That... was really... weird..." said Obi-Wan slowly.

"Yeah..." Snaitf agreed. They got transported back to where they were with the Story-Writer.

"Helga, my love goat! I thought you loved me!" Pierre said with tears in his eyes. Helga said nothing, looking from Tom to Pierre and back.

"I love you both so much!" she said heartbrokenly. "I don't know which to choose!"

"It landed on tragedy," Snaitf warned. Pierre's eyes darkened.

"Then perhaps THIS will help you!" he bellowed, pulling a gun out of nowhere and shooting Tom.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" she screamed. Everyone stared at the scene in shock for a few minutes.

"Love-Coke!" Tom gasped.

"Yes, my love?" asked Helga, tears in her eyes.

"Promise me you will never quench your thirst for another!" he said softly before passing out.

"Tom!" Helga yelled. She fainted from shock. Pierre stared at her unconcious form.

"Love goat, you have robbed me of my will to live!" he exclaimed, pointing the gun at his temple.

_**TBC BECAUSE I FELT LIKE LEAVING A CLIFFIE AND MOOSEY AND HELGA WILL MURDER ME IF I DON'T UPDATE SOON!**_

A/n: Hehe, Helga, you wanted to be with Tom and Pierre. (Smiles evilly) And thanks to mom for helping me write this!

Namarie, mellyn nin!

Snaitf Kenobi


	26. The Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise

Pippin the Ringbearer

A/n: Hehe, once again I have been threatened into updating more quickly than a few months. :) So…

_**Review Responses for Chapter 25:**_

Helga: LOL so you didn't mind me killing Tom? LOL jk, jk! LOL My guess is you really really liked that chapter... :)

Moosey: Hopefully, you won't kill me this chapter! LOL, you'll see why...

Hoofin' It: Thanks! WELCOME TO THE INSANITY OF MY WORLD! Hehe, yes, people love the nickname. LOL Thanks for the review!

Frodo: Hehe, get a little lost, Fro-Fro? LOL! I keep getting side-tracked, but don't worry, I'll make it! LOL You go do that, Frodo... LOL That quiz didn't get approved. :( Oh well...

HarryEstel: Yeah, that's a dumb rule to begin with. Yes, suicide is always a twist... so is evil characters... okay, I'm going to give the chapter away, sorry. :) Thanks for the review!

Chapter 26: The Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise

Everyone stared in shock and dismay at the suicidal man.

"No, Pierre! Erm, whoever you are... you have too much to live for!" cried Aragorn. Legolas, Sam, and Merry completely abandoned trying to talk and simply ran at him, trying to grab the gun away from him. Pippin tried to talk him out of it, although not quite as successfully as Aragorn.

"Please Pierre!" Pippin panted, "Helga will murder us if you die!"

"Don't do it, Pierre!" yelped Sam.

"WHY!" Moosey screamed, choking Snaitf. "WHY DID I NOT GET FLUFFYY!" She grabbed the Jedi Swiss army knife from her and ran to the machine, smacking it.

"LAND ON ROMANCE, DANGIT!" she screamed, banging the life out of it.

"MAKE HER SHUT UP OR I _WILL_ SHOOT MYSELF!" Pierre shouted

"YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE!" Obi-Wan screamed at the top of his lungs. Pierre, all thoughts of suicide completely banished, stared at Obi-Wan, as did everyone else.

"What are you TALKING about?" he asked.

"I'm sorry, it just sorta came out and – YOU WERE MY BROTHER, ANAKIN!" Obi-Wan screeched, the lines coming completely from nowhere. Pierre dropped the gun in shock.

"The rudder's shot away, Captain!" Pippin yelped, noticing this.

"I'm thorry?" asked Sam, somehow gaining a lisp.

"I said 'He dropped the gun'"

"No you didn't!"

"I didn't?"

"No!"

Legolas, slightly dazed from being right next to Obi-Wan while he was bellowing lines, grabbed out one of his knives. "The sword of Troy!" he said sadly, "If a Trojan man still wields it, our city has hope."

"None of us are Trojans, Leggy," Aragorn pointed out. Legolas stared at the others.

"Well, what good are you then!"

Snaitf sighed. "And I don't get a tragedy line!" she lamented.

In the pandemonium of people yelling random tragedy lines, no one noticed someone picking up the dropped gun until a shot rang out more deafening than Obi-Wan bellowing Tragedy lines from Episode III in your ear. There was a scream, and then somehow, everyone got knocked unconscious. All but one...

The Evil Character smiled to himself in a particularly evil way. His evil senses knew that the chapter would be evilly short, giving the readers time to stew in their own evil thoughts of killing the author. He cackled evilly. He loved being evil. _It's what I do_, he decided with philosophical evilness. The unconscious forms little knew what evil was in store for them. He tossed the gun away with a certain air of supreme evilness, almost contempt. When they woke, the group would be in for quite an evil shock, he decided evilly, walking away from the evil scene. Then he stopped, and in a state of undeniable evilness, turned, realizing he had forgotten something, something incredibly important in his evil scheme. _Of course_, he thought_, my evil machine._ Using an evil button that few knew of (Well, that no one but he knew of) he made the dial spin in a particularly evil way. The dial stopped on _MYSTERY_. He cackled again, just for the evil heck of it. _Everything is proceeding according to my evil design!_ He turned away, disappearing just as the first member of the Fellowship started to show signs of life.

_Being evil rocks_, he thought.

_**TBC...**_

A/n: Hehe, who is the Evil Character? (Dodges several sharp objects) Okay, okay I know it was short! But that's the Evil Character's doing! ;) Will probably be black-mailed into updating soon, so see you in a couple of days!

Namarie, Mellyn nin!

Snaitf Kenobi


	27. The Chord of Doom Sounds

Pippin the Ringbearer

A/n: Hello everyone! Hehe, at the moment, my brother's friend is showing him cell phone tunes. So... YAY MARIO! Sorry, he has Mario on his phone... :) And now to do what I do best during insomniac episodes at 3:40 in the morning with no signs of sleep coming—that's right! WRITE PTR! And I finally figured out how to do the little lines thing! Thanks much to Crystal Cave (READ HER STORIES IF YOU LIKE STAR WARS) for telling me that. :) Next chapter!

_**Reviews for Chapter 26:**_

Moosey: DO NOT KILL EWAN! HE HASN'T PROPOSED TO ME YET! Hehe jk jk! But anyways, I'm updating, so don't kill me! And I still haven't written your fluff... Sorry about that... I'll do it in the next chapter that I write... the chapter of the Music of the Night... (Bursts out laughing) Sorry, that reminded me the lyrics for that... :)

Helga: He won't die! Geez Loius... Luios... Ack! How do you spell that!

HarryEstel: Hehe, I was actually talking about Moosey and Helga... :) You don't want to live near them when you write a story with cliffhangers. ;) Kinda scary... YA DANG RIGHT! EPISODE THREE WAS AWESOME! It was sad though! Especially when the little Youngling was like "What are we gonna do, Master Skywalker?" and then Ani killed them! THAT WAS SO SAD! Thanks for the review!

Frodo: Yes, I'll talk you later too. :D That's funny... Yes, I'm updating, thanks Bob:) Oh, I don't think anyone understands it. :)

Mom: Hi mom... :) Yes tragicness good, but that will be the end of actual tragedy for a while. For now I'm messing around so that Helga's chapter isn't completely like... out of the blue

Smeagol: I find that if you bluff knowing what you're talking about, you sound smart and Shakespeare-esque. It's probably not that you haven't reviewed more than it's I've been blackmailed into updating more often. :) Hehe sisters indeed. :) I don't have any sisters but still. :) Yeah, a little out of nowhere ness. :) But then, that's where this entire story came from. :)

Chapter 27: The Chord of Doom Sounds

Snaitf blinked as she sat up. She very vaguely remembered a gunshot... and then something about being knocked upside the head... Hearing a nearby groan, she looked up and saw Moosey rolling over onto her side.

"Hey Moosey what happened?" she asked.

"I don' wanna mow the lawn today," she muttered groggily. Snaitf rolled her eyes and got up. The rest of the Fellowship seemed to be just getting up as well. Pierre, all thoughts of suicide momentarily forgotten, blinked and stared around him with an almost-cliché _I-have-a-feeling-we're-not-in-Kansas-anymore_ expression.

"I have a feeling I'm not in Canada anymore," he announced dumbly.

Snaitf rolled her eyes. "How'd you ever guess?" she asked sarcastically.

Pierre didn't respond for a moment, then gasped and shrieked, "It was YOU who kidnapped me last Christmas! You and you're two lunatic friends! And you set Hilary on fire and... and..." he trailed off, staring at her murderously.

"Actually, that was you're 'Love Goat's' idea. She wrote the chapter." Frodo piped up from behind them. The rest of the Fellowship was awake and gathered, with the exception of Moosey, (who was being shrieked at by Helga to wake up and was still staunchly refusing to mow the lawn) and Obi-Wan (Whom no one had noticed yet) all with identical dumbfounded expressions.

"All right," Snaitf muttered. "So what happened?"

Silence.

"Anyone have so much as a clue?"

"Um, Pierre was trying to commit suicide cause Tom stole Helga's love, then... Obi started screaming something about the Chosen One..." Aragorn contributed helpfully.

"Where is Obi-Wan?" Snaitf asked. They looked around, suddenly sensing his absence from the conversation. Snaitf gasped and ran over to where he still lay motionless, a bullet wound in his arm.

* * *

Obi-Wan was painfully aroused by someone shaking his wounded arm hysterically, shrieking in his ear.

"OBI-WAN, YOU CAN'T DIE! THE COUNCIL WILL KILL ME!"

"OW! Snaitf, not helping!" he managed to gasp. Thankfully, the shaking stopped and he opened his eyes, staring up at her.

"What exactly possessed you to--Oh, I dunno—SHAKE MY ARM WHILE IT HAS A BULLET WOUND IN IT?" he bellowed at her.

Snaitf, as always, was grinning at him, not even noticing the fact that he was about to strangle her. "I wanted to make sure you were still alive, Obi!" She exclaimed, hugging him.

"Well, could you have done it without shaking my arm! And who's ever died of a bullet wound to the arm!"

"Gosh, Obi-Wan, you're really not a morning person, are you?" she asked, blinking as she stared at him.

It was Obi-Wan's turn to blink. "I am too a morning person!" he replied indignantly.

"Yeah. That's why you yell at me every time I wake you up."

"I yell at you because you usually wake me up by jumping on top of me! Or shrieking at the top of your lungs or SHAKING MY ARM WHEN IT HAS A BULLET WOUND IN IT!"

"Hang on!" Aragorn intervened before Obi-Wan could get to the strangling bit of the conversation. "How did you even get shot in the arm?"

Obi-Wan started to reply, and then stopped, deep in thought. "Someone must have picked up the gun when Pierre dropped it."

"Oh... should've thought of that..." Snaitf said, not believing how dumb she was.

"Yeah, you probably should've..."

"Anyways, who picked up the gun?" asked Snaitf. Merry frowned suddenly.

"I saw it lying near where Pippin was before I got knocked out," he realized.

"Wait, where is Pippin?" asked Aragorn, looking around.

"He wasn't there when I woke up," Snaitf answered.

Everyone looked around, trying to find the lost Hobbit. He was nowhere in sight.

"Once again, Pippin is missing! PIPPIN? WHERE ARE YOU!" Snaitf screamed.

"What?" Pippin's voice came from above. Looking up, they found Pippin munching on apples in a tree. In the middle of Mordor... yeah, we'll go with that...

"Well, at least you didn't get captured by orcs this time! Now, did you pick up the gun?" asked Snaitf.

"No! I don't even know how to shoot that thing!"

"All right, so did anyone see who had the gun?"

Silence.

"Last thing I remember is a shot before someone knocked me upside the head," Said Legolas.

"Yeah, me too!" agreed Sam. Everyone else agreed.

"So we all went unconscious at the same time... that's kinda creepy..." Moosey said, finally dragging herself awake.

"Indeed."

"InDEEEEED!" they screamed simultaneously. Snaitf laughed.

"That never gets old."

"That it doesn't."

"If we can get back on task, WHO SHOT ME?" Obi-Wan screamed.

"Master Kenobi, is that ANGER I hear in your voice?" Snaitf asked, clearly enjoying herself.

"I—" he took a deep breath and held it. His face turned blue.

"Umm, Obi-Wan?" asked Snaitf worriedly. Obi-Wan exhaled.

"Yes, Snaitf?" he asked calmly.

"Um... do you know who shot you?"

"NO I DON'T KNOW WHO—" he took another deep breath. "No. I don't."

"Oh. Just wondering if we had to do an actual investigation," she sighed, "Looks like we actually have to do something this holiday, dudes." She told them.

Moosey and Helga groaned.

"It's like Rec. Tennis all over again," muttered Moosey.

"Hey guys, I'm still bleeding..." Tom muttered.

"Oh yeah... well, no one cares about you, Tom." Snaitf answered him.

"SNAITF!" Helga warned.

"All right!" Snaitf sighed, "You're a slave driver, you know that?" Thus, she magically healed Tom and Obi-Wan.

"Come on! We must find who shot Obi-Wan." Legolas said, nancing off into the distance. Everyone looked at Aragorn, who mouthed 'don't ask' and they followed him Legolas in their new mission... quest... thing...

_**TBC...**_

A/n: Ya... random... but this had to come out before Christmas, so I was kinda rushed... So here's the next chapter and by the way, Helga is doing the Christmas special again this year, so next chapter will be hers.


	28. Helga's Insane Christmas Bonanza!

Yay! The insanely insane Christmas chapter written by our favorite author, Helga Bouvier, a.k.a. XoXPierre'sLoveGoatXoX!

But seriously, folks, it's Helga here! Can you believe that it's been one year since I wrote the last one? Well, I'm writing it again….I guess it's a tradition now…so…ness…

Well, please mind my crazy insane stupidness…I've recently (what? Yeah right!) become obsessed with blink-182…like really bad…since July…so…I'll try not to ramble about them so much -

I'll leave the comments to the original author, Snaitf!

Note: This has no connection with the latest chapter…the whole crew is just setting down our problems and celebrating a "normal" Christmas. Enjoy!

_**Helga's Insane Christmas Bonanza Extravaganza!**_

"So. What day is it again?"

"For the last time, it's Christmas Eve!" Moosey tried not to scream at Snaitf. "You've asked that question for the last thirty minutes!"

Helga sighed. "So, it's Christmas Eve and I still don't have any presents. Any suggestions?"

Everyone arched their eyebrows, except Snaitf, who was still trying to annoy Moosey to death.

"Hey, I know!" Pippin said.

Everyone turned and arched the other eyebrow. "Pippin has an….idea!"

"How about a….SECRET SANTA EXCHANGE!"

This immediately got everyone off their feet (er, they were standing up to begin with…) in excitement. "Awesome idea, Pip!" Frodo said. "Now, we just need a hat….or another thing…to put…ness…in…ness…"

"Frodo, with all due respect, shut up," Snaitf said. "We can use my Halloween candy pillow sack…just a sec…"

Snaitf pulled a moldy old pillowcase out of nowhere. "Now, screw the limit and buy anything ya like," she said. "Now, get in an orderly line and…"

Course, the minute she said that there were fifty people all trying to grab a name out of the pillowcase.

"Eew, I got a melted Hershey's!" Frodo screamed as a giant blob of goo covered her hand.

"There should be a little slip of paper in there," Snaitf said as she scratched her head.

A white piece of paper fluttered from the chocolate mess. "Oh, of course," she said sarcastically.

After everyone drew their piece of paper (and some more melted candy) they read to see what it was.

_What the…what the crap am I supposed to get the real Frodo? _Frodo/Emily thought.

_Ha I got the perfect gift for Moosey, _Snaitf thought evilly.

_Squee! I got Helga! _Tom thought happily. _Then she'll realize her love for me!_

_Holy crap, this will be fun, _Pippin thought as he read Snaitf's name off the slip of paper.

_I got Frodo/Emily, _Helga thought. _Crap. What should I get…?_

_TOM! _Pierre thought angrily.

_Sam! _Obi-wan thought. _What do you get for a midget, anyway?_

_What the…I got Obi-wan? _Moosey thought in disbelief. _Why me!_

_Who the heck is Pierre? _Sam thought confusingly.

And Legolas got Merry and Merry got Legolas. Coincidence? I think not.

While they were all thinking this, Helga got bored, zoned out and watched the TV special on UFOs.

Then, Helga snapped back and started writing again. Based on a true story.

"Well, we better go shopping," Moosey said.

"And we better book a place to have our party," Snaitf said.

"Where in the Mordor would we book a place for a Christmas party!" Frodo/Emily asked.

"You will know in due time!"

"You say that one more time, I swear Snaitf, I _will _knock all your teeth out."

"Fine, fine Helga."

"Screw you guys, I'm going shopping!"

_Later…_

"Hmm…" Snaitf was shopping in her local Mordor grocery store. "What should I buy Moosey?"

Five miles later, Moosey twitched. "I have a bad feeling," she said. "Dunno why, but something bad is gonna happen."

Anyway, Snaitf picked up a gallon of milk. "It's perfect!" she said. "I hope I got enough money for it."

She went to the cashier, where a newbie…holy crap, what's that word! Oh yeah. A newbie hobbit was working the cash register.

"Will that be it, ma'am?" he asked as he scratched his zitty…face….ness.

"Yeah," Snaitf said as she arched her eyebrow. No one called her ma'am, really.

"Wait," he said before Snaitf handed him the money. "I see you're buying milk. Wouldn't you like a gallon of eggnog to go with that, too?"

"Uh, I don't drink eggnog," Snaitf said. "Here's my money."

"Are you sure?" This guy wasn't gonna give up. "It's buy one, get one half price!"

Snaitf's eye twitched. "I don't want eggnog, thank you very much."

"Oh, c'mon! I'll even get you a gallon, and you won't have to leave!"

Before he could move his scrawny little legs off the ladder he was standing on, Snaitf grabbed him by his collar. "I SAID, I DON'T WANT ANY FRICKIN' EGGNOG!" she roared.

The grocery store grew quiet. All of a sudden, a distant rumble could be heard. Suddenly, a giant orc crashed through the wall! He saw the hobbit and Snaitf, who was about to punch him. "Haha, you're in trouble now!" the obnoxious newbie hobbit said.

Snaitf looked up. "Ah, crap. Uh…merry Christmas?"

"I'm Jewish!"

"Oh. Hehe….looks like I better be going now!"

"Not so fast!" the orc roared. Snaitf wondered how the ugly brute could talk. "You fight me, and you can have your gallon of milk for free!"

Snaitf thought for a moment. "Can I have someone fight _for_ me?"

"And who would that be?"

"OBI-WAN KENOBI!"

All of a sudden, Obi-wan dropped through the ceiling and landed on the hobbit. "Good thing I landed on this zitty pillow," he noted. He didn't hear the hobbit's screams of terror. "But what am I doing here? I'm supposed to be Christmas shopping!"

"Fight me, mortal!" boomed the mighty orc over Obi-wan. "If you fight me and win, you and the girl will get the gallon of milk for free…and my entire grocery store empire!"

"Sounds good to me," they both said with a shrug. We all know how much Obi loves empires, so….

The orc laughed and evillish unhumanish laugh. "It will not be that easy to defeat me, mortal!"

Snaitf shrugged. "I have three brothers. Besides, Obi-wan could beat your butt any day! Especially today, since that's when we're fighting…ness…"

We will soon know how their fight worked out…

_Meanwhile…_

Helga and Moosey were at the nearby mall of Mordor. Wow, they've been building a lot, haven't they?

Anyway, Moosey was extremely mad because she got Obi-wan. "Maybe you should get him a casket," Helga suggested.

Moosey laughed. "Yeah, but then Snaitf would kill me. How bout a poisonous snake? Or those mushrooms in Japan that make you hallucinate…"

Helga pulled a mushroom out of her pocket. "Good, I'm starving!" she said.

Moosey was scared. "Helga, what kind of mushroom is in there?" she asked.

"I dunno." She popped it in her mouth. "It tastes okay."

Moosey sighed, and then kept thinking about what she should get for Obi-wan.

"I know!" Helga said. "Get him a bag of charcoal! In case he doesn't like it, he can just burn it anyways!"

"Good job, Helga!" Moosey said. "But where in the crap are we going to find a bag of charcoal in the mall?"

"Ahh, but you would be surprised where you can find some stuff here."

They kept walking, and Helga sighed. "What should I get Frodo?" she asked. "I know she loves Texas history and other stuff like that, but what would I get her?"

"Wait…there's a new store!" Moosey pointed out. "It's called….BISHONEN ARE US!"

In a blink of an eye, Helga and Moosey were in the store.

"MY DREAM'S COME TRUE!" Helga shouted happily. "A STORE FULL OF CHIBI BISHONEN!"

So, Helga immediately went to the rock star section and grabbed pretty much everything.

"So…I have Billie Joe, Pierre, Tre, Chuck, Ryan, Sean, Benji, Joel, Mike, Tom, Travis, Mark, Jacoby, Wolfwood, Yusuke, Kevin and Micheal!" Helga said happily. She dragged two carts full of the chibis and their clothes behind her.

"Yay! I got Vash, Phantom, Sebastien, David, Ranma, Dark, Daisuke and Rei!" Moosey said happily. "Squee!

"Remember, Helga, you need to buy Frodo something too," she reminded her.

"Hey, it's that guy she's so obsessed with! Uh…you know, Raoul?" Helga said. She grabbed it and reluctantly put it in her shopping cart.

"Eew."

"Well, this isn't for you, now is it!" Helga snapped. "I don't like him either. You think they got a miniature bottle of shampoo for that greasy mop of his?"

"Eew, I wouldn't want to clean my floors with _THAT_!"

"Now my toilet, maybe…" Helga said thoughtfully.

They went to the cash register. Moosey went first and paid. Then, when HELGA went…

"OMFG!" she shouted. "IT'S THE GUY THAT I FELL IN LOVE WITH!"

Moosey rolled her eyes. "Which one?" she asked dryly.

"THE ONE AT RIDGMAR MALL! THE ONE THAT WORKED AT HOT TOPIC!" Helga shouted. She suddenly jumped into the cashier's arms.

"Sir, I'm so sorry for the trouble my friend is causing you," Moosey said.

He shrugged. "It's okay."

Helga kept squealing until Moosey asked, "Why are you so obsessed with him?"

"Because! He's wearing an Atticus hat!" Helga took the hat and shoved it on her head backwards.

"Oh Lord."

"That, and he reminds me of Tom Delonge!"

"Helga…EVERYONE REMINDS YOU OF TOM DELONGE!"

"Well, I guess we have to go," Helga said sadly. "I'm gonna miss you, guy who works at the Hot Topic in Ridgmar!"

"Uh, yeah."

"Can I keep the hat?"

"Uh, sure."

"YAY!"

So, Moosey dragged Helga out of the shop by her ear.

"Well, now that we wasted all of our money on this, what do you want to do?"

"Find that stupid bag of charcoal…"

"Okay!"

So then, Helga and Moosey went off in search of their charcoal.

_At the Grocery Store Empire…_

It was a bloody mess in Aisle Three. Orc parts lay everywhere….along with free gallons of eggnog.

"How…how did you…" The Orc coughed. "How did you defeat me, o Chosen One?"

Obi-wan was covered with a weird green substance. "Uh…I didn't know you were allergic to eggnog…" he said sheepishly.

"Darn you…DARN ALL OF YOU!" The Orc wheezed some more. "I'll have my revenge!"

With that, he croaked.

"My, my," Snaitf said. "Now that we own the place, we have to clean it up."

"Nah, we'll get that zit hobbit thing to come do that," Obi said. "Anywho, I got to finish my shopping! Later!"

Obi-wan then snapped his fingers and disappeared.

Snaitf walked back to the counter and picked up her gallon of milk.

"Merry Christmas," she said as she exited the store. "Oh, and go clean that mess up on aisle three, okay Newbie?"

The hobbit was shaking, and he managed to say "Yes ma'am."

And with that, Snaitf left to go get a place for their Christmas party.

_Back at the Mall…_

Meanwhile, at the mall, Helga and Moosey ran into Frodo/Emily, so they were hanging out together.

While they were heading for the food court, Helga's cell phone rang.

_We fell short this time_

_Your smile fades in the summer_

_Place your hand in mine_

_I'll leave when I wanna…_

"Hello?" she said.

"Hey, love coke!" If you couldn't tell, it was Tom.

She immediately grinned. "Hi, sweetheart! What's up?"

"Well…I heard that your ringtone is "Feeling This". Do you like the song?"

"Of course I do!" she replied.

"So…do you think it's inappropriate?"

"Of COURSE I do," she replied. "The guy's singing about…well, you know what he's singing about; you sing it!"

"Oh. Hehe, yeah. Guess that means I have to return that box of…agoidughd." He mumbled.

"Wait, what'd you say?"

"Nothing!"

"Okay. So, why'd you call?" she asked.

Really, he was trying to figure out what he could get her for Christmas.

"Uh…just wondering…what would be the perfect Christmas present for you?"

"For you and Pierre to stop fighting," Helga said.

"C'mon, something realistic."

"Well…I don't know…why are you asking, anyway?"

"Nothing. Well, I better keep looking for my secret Santa. Love you!"

"Love you too, Tom!"

She hung up. "I swear, sometimes guys are so…….."

Suddenly she stopped in her sentence—and her tracks. "This can only mean one thing," Moosey groaned.

"OMFG A TRAVIS BARKER LOOKALIKE!"

"Yeah, you're right," Frodo/Emily said to Moosey.

"Helga, c'mon," Moosey said. "We have to go back and find Snaitf."

"Rats."

Thus, they left the mall in search for Snaitf.

_Later, at the Christmas Party Spot…_

"What the…I never knew they had super fancy four star hotels in Mordor!" Frodo said.

"Yeah," Snaitf replied. "And, we get to use it for free since Obi-wan defeated the vicious grocery store tyrant!"

"Coolio, man," Helga said.

"Anyone want any (hic) free egg-(hic)-nog?"

"Oh no." Snaitf muttered under her breath.

"Yay! It's Ryan Key the bell hop!" Helga shouted happily. "Wait, I thought you disappeared?"

"I did, but I gots a job as a bell hop!" he said happily. "You know, apparently I'm good at that, because of your daydream."

"Haha. Well, you….wait, where's your pants!"

He looked down and saw his mistletoe boxers (hehe.) "Pants are for squares," he hiccoughed. "I know that from TV."

"And knowing is half the battle," Snaitf finished for him. Everyone gave her a weird look.

"What? They say that a billion times on that SAT words video Mrs. McNarnia makes us watch," Snaitf said as she shrugged.

Helga helped the poor drunk Ryan to the door. "Now, go get some pants on and you can come back, okay?" she said sweetly.

"Okay!" he hiccoughed again.

Helga walked back where Snaitf and the rest were. "So, where were we?"

A while later, Snaitf announced, "Okay, we're opening presents!"

Helga was the first one, of course. She jumped up and down as she looked for her present, but she couldn't find anything under the tree!

"Well, we'll go one by one," Snaitf said. "First of all, here's Legolas's!"

"Yay!" Legolas squealed. His present was wrapped in pink wrapping paper. Gee, I wonder why…

He neatly unwrapped the present and opened the box. "Oh em eff gee, a pink bathrobe with pink, fuzzy slippers!" he squealed. He looked at the piece of paper inside the box, who said who it was from. "Merry, how'd you know?"

"With you, it's not too hard," Merry replied.

"Well, here's the next one," Snaitf said. "It's for Moosey!"

"Yay!" Moosey took the oddly shaped package...

"Could it be a Full Metal Alchemist t-shirt?" she asked to everybody.

"Yes and no," Snaitf said.

Moosey unwrapped the present eagerly, then saw that it was a gallon of milk.

"But mainly no!" Snaitf said.

"What the…Snaitf, why the crap did you get me a gallon of milk?"

"Because, when me and Helga were at your house, you didn't have any milk! And I said I would get you some!"

Moosey just gave her the "OMFG you're such a frickin idiot" look.

"So, before Moosey kills me, here's Obi-wan's present!" Snaitf said.

Moosey and Helga snickered.

He opened it and opened the box. It was a t-shirt. He pulled it out and read it aloud. "I got married to Jeff and moved to…Flowermound!" he asked in disbelief.

Helga and Moosey burst out laughing. "I told you that shirt would come in handy one day!" Helga said between giggles.

Snaitf was not amused. "Hardee har-har," she said dryly. "Good job, you two."

So, they continued to open presents. Snaitf got a chibi Obi-wan from Bishonen R Us; Frodo/Emily got the chibi Raoul doll, of course; regular Frodo got a lifesize mushroom; Sam got a ladder ("What else was I supposed to get him?" Obi-wan complained); Pierre got another Role Model shirt ("He's always wearing them," Sam observed); Merry got a keg of whiskey, but Helga didn't have a gift under the tree!

"Don't worry, I have your present!" Tom said happily. He jumped out of nowhere (more like the ceiling…) and said, "It's me!"

Helga immediately huggled him since he was wearing that adorable green shirt he wore for a small part of All the Small Things and a pair of black boxers with kiss marks all over them. Also, he had a bow tied around his neck, wrists, feet and one in his hair.

"See, you get a whole day to do _whatever _you want to do to me," Tom explained. He then got a sly look on his face. "Or, you could do it at night if you wanted to, if you get my hint."

Helga squealed, but then Pierre appeared and said, "Here's your Christmas present, you bastard!"

He then punched Tom in the eye!

"PIERRE BOUVIER!" Helga screamed. "THAT'S IT, I'M TIRED OF YOU BEING JEALOUS!"

Pierre immediately gave a puppy dog face. "But Helga, I love you!" he said sadly. "I can't help but be jealous!"

Helga looked sad. "I know, but I love you AND Tom! Do you think you can be nicer to him?"

Pierre shrugged his shoulders.

"Look, you got fluffy with me last year," Helga continued. "Tom should get me this year, no?"

Pierre shrugged again.

"Look, just apologize," Helga said.

Pierre walked over to Tom (who was now laying on the ground.) "Sorry," he muttered.

Suddenly, Ryan Key the bell hop appeared and broke a beer bottle on his knee. "Fight, fight, fight, fight!" he said as he waved the broken bottle in the air.

Helga sighed. "Well, this has been a good Christmas," she said contently.

"Yeah, it has," Snaitf said. "I got a grocery store empire, Moosey got her milk, Pierre got jealous…"

_The next day_

Helga and Tom appeared downstairs at the hotel. Tom, as in usual fan girl tradition, was covered with a google number of kiss marks. He was extremely happy.

"Now, I want you to sing "Feeling This" for me," Helga said.

While they were doing that, Snaitf just woke up on the ground of the Christmas room. "Note to self," she moaned, "never play I Never with real champagne!"

THE END!

Holy. Effin. Crap. This chapter is five pages longer than it was last year!

So…uh…it was retarded…it sucked…but still.

Merry Christmas, everybody!

Love,

Helga

One more note from Snaitf: The 'I Never' incident was NOT MY IDEA! And we did not use real champagne! Well... one cup... but that's all! Thanks for writing Helga! You rock as usual! Take it easy, ya'll.

Namarie, Mellyn nin!

Snaitf Kenobi


	29. Frodo's New Years Eve Bash!

Pippin the Ringbearer

Hello! This is TheMushroomComander, but you might know me as Frodo. You might be wondering why I am typing this, so I'll tell you: I have captured Snaitf and forced her to let me write a chapter! (Thunder is heard in background.)  
Snaitf: HELP MEEEEEEE! Hehe, not really. In truth, she pinned me to the ground and forced me to let her write the New Year's Eve chapter.  
TMC: WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO AND RUIN THE SURPRISE, WHY DON'T YOU!  
Snaitf: Anger is a path to the Dark Side, Fro-Fro.  
TMC: You will pay…just remember, I'm writing the chapter, so I can kill off anyone I like! (Thunder heard in background.)  
Snaitf: Fine. I'll be a good little hostage. Just don't kill anyone, or I'll have to change the rating… again…  
TMC: Well, in that case, here's Snaitf with the reviews…

**_Review Responses for Chapter 27_**

_Cha, I'll have to do these on the next chapter guys. It's kinda 12:15 on a school night, so... yeah_.

Chapter 28: Frodo's New Year's Eve Bash Frodo was still mad at Helga for saying that Raoul had greasy hair.

"For the last time Frodo," Helga said in a bored voice "I'm sorry, but how did you know that I said that Raoul has a mop for hair?" "One of my Mushrooms was in there spying for me! Now, you shall pay!" Helga rolled her eyes, and went to Snaitf. "Why did you let her write a chapter?"

"Because," Snaitf replied simply, "she asked!"

"Hey guys, maybe we should start getting ready for the New Year's Eve Bash." Moosey said.

"Yeah, and me and Snaitf can bring the Sparkling grape juice that we were banned from bringing!" Frodo shouted. All of a sudden, 5 bottles of non-alcoholic Champagne appeared out of nowhere.

"BUB!" Snaitf screamed, diving for the champagne.

"…"

"Yeah, that's what my brother calls it." Snaitf went on to explain "that's what my brother calls that non-alcoholic Champagne stuff." Snaitf went for the Champagne again.

"Hold it," Aragorn replied "Don't we wait for 12:00?"

"Yeah, what's your point?"

"YOU'RE DRINKING ALL OF IT!" As Snaitf and Aragorn were bickering, and everyone else was putting things up for the New Year's Bash, Frodo went into a corner to sulk.

"I wish Will Travis was here, he's the coolest guy EVER! Helga has 2 guys fighting over her, Snaitf has Obi-Wan, and Moosey can get anyone she wants. But I don't got anybody." A tear fell from Frodo's eyes. All of a sudden, this hot dude, with this old timey out fit popped out of no where. "Did someone call for me?" This dude named Will Travis asked "WILLY" Frodo screeched "YAY! I've been waiting and waiting for you! I'm so happy you came! How cha get here?" Before he could answer, "no time for that now, I have to show you to Helga and show her you don't have greasy hair!"

Frodo pulled Will over to Helga. "Look, he doesn't have greasy hair!" IN YOUR FACE!"

"But that's Travis, Raoul has greasy hair." "NO HE DOESN'T! RAOUL HAS PRETTY HAIR!"

Snaitf heard what was going on. She came over and saw Travis with all his glory. "Hey, is that Travis?"

"Yeah, isn't he the coolest?"

"He's ok, but he's not as cool as Obi-Wan."

"Take that back!" Frodo pulled out a sword.

"NEVER!" Snaitf pulled out a life saber. So the two of them were doing that one Anakin/ Obi scene with all the lava and stuff. (A/n from Snaitf: That's MUSTAFAR, you insane not-obsessed-with-Star-Wars person!) All of the Fellowship watched the fighting. "I'll go get the popcorn!" Pippin said cheerfully.

"YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE!" Snaitf started to shout "IT WAS SAID THAT YOU WOULD DEFEAT THE SITH, NOT JOIN THEM! THAT YOU WOULD BRING BALANCE TO THE FORCE, NOT LEAVE IT IN DARKNESS!"

"I was?"

"…no…" out of nowhere, Travis started to cry.

"This is so beautiful; I've never had a fangirl before. I'm so happy that not everybody thinks I'm a two-bit dandy."

"Where've you come from? The Alamo with Santa Anna chasing you?" Legolas said in a bored tone.

"…yes!"

"There, there Will, I don't think you're a dandy like Bowie called you, he's just jealous of you!" Frodo comforted Travis

"You really think so?"

"I know so." Frodo turned to Snaitf "can we keep him, PLEEEEAAASSEEEE?"

"(Sigh) Ok, but that's it. I don't want you trying to bring the whole Alamo here."

"But we need some decent fighters (Aragorn and Legolas and Obi gave her the death eye) can I at least bring my bobble head David Crockett?"

"(Sigh) Yes."

"So Travis can stay in the rest of the story, forever, and ever."

"YES, NOW WILL YOU QUIT BUGGING ME, AND HELP SET UP!"

For the rest of the night, Frodo was the happiest person there. She took orders from people, and didn't complain, but she did shake up the Champagne when no one was looking. But not everyone was in such good spirits as Frodo.

"I'm bored." Pippin complained "when are we gonna do something?"

"I know," Frodo shouted "let's play 'I never'! It's this game where you have a circle of chairs and one person's in the middle. The person in the middle says something they've never done before, and if you've done it, you stand up. They last person without a chair has to say I never!"

"That's not how_I_ play it!" Snaitf said.

"Well, how does your way go?"

"Uhhhhhh, actually, we'd better not. It involves alcohol..."

"Gasp! Snaitf, you're not 21!"

"I've only played it once!"

"SNAITF!"

"Okay! Since Frodo suggested it, she can start." Said Moosey

"Ok, I never learned how to play the trombone." Frodo was the only person to stand up.

"I've never learned how to use a sword." Aragorn and Travis stood up. Travis found a seat before Aragorn, so it was Aragorn's turn.

"I have never worn women's underwear." Helga, Moosey, Snaitf, Frodo, and…Legolas stood up.

"What? Y'all are looking at me like there's something wrong with me wearing women's underwear." No one said a word, just stared at him. It was Moosey's turn to go.

"I've never tried to hit someone over the head with a frying pan." Sam stood up.

"I've never stolen from Farmer Maggot." Merry and Pippin stood up. (Mr. Frodo isn't in this story)

"I've never missed a second breakfast!" Piped up Pippin. Sam, Snaitf, Helga, Moosey and Frodo all stood up. Helga's turn.

"I've never liked Clay Aikin." No one stood up. "Really? I thought that Legolas would like him."

"Who's Clay Aikin?" Legolas asked.

"Just stand up, he's so your type of music." And so this went on for a while. Until, it was 11:59.

"ONE MORE MINUTE UNTIL NEW YEAR'S DAY!" Snaitf yelled.

"Where's the Champagne?" Aragorn was asking.

"I'll get it!" Frodo said with an evil grin. Frodo handed the bottle of sparkling grape juice to Aragorn.

"FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE, HAPPY NEW YEAR'S! SPHHHHHHHHHHH" The Champagne exploded in Aragorn's face.

"PIPPIN!" But for the first time ever, it wasn't Pippin who did it. "Pippin, why did you shake up the Champagne?"

"I didn't."

"You expect me to believe that?"

"…yes…"

"Well, I don't."

"Aragorn," Frodo interrupted "I did it."

"GASP! You did not!"

"Yip!"

"How could you?"

"Quite easily, thank you. Now, what's everyone's New Year's Revolution?"

"You mean Resolution?"

"That's the one, what's everyone's New Year's Resolution?"

"TO MARRY OBI-WAN!" Snaitf Shouted.

"I WANT TO MARRY TOM!" Helga shouted

"TO MARRY—"

"NO ONE'S GONNA MARRY ANYBODY!"

"Hey Frodo, what's your New Year's Resolution?"

"To beat up Potato boy."

"DON'T BEAT UP THE BOY OF POTATOES! HE WILL BRING US GOOD LUCK! IF YOU BEAT HIM UP, THERE WILL BE NO MORE POTATOES FOR US TO EAT, FOR HE IS THE PRINCE OF POTATOES!" Sam started to hyperventilate.

"Obviously, we know two different Potato boys."

"Does he have blonde hair, and glasses, and plays the trombone?"

"…ok, so maybe we do know the same Potato Boy. Still, I just want to beat him at the trombone. Pippin, what's yours?"

"To not get hit in the head with apples."

"Good one!"

Then, out of nowhere, Snaitf attacked Frodo.

"Stop holding me hostage! I want to write my story!"

"Alright, fine. You can finish the rest of this chapter, just quit choking me!"

"YIPPEE! Now! What shall we do!"

"Moosey, I'm scared..." Helga announced as Snaitf began to laugh evilly.

"Oh wait... yep... I've run out of Dr. Pepper." Snaitf announced glumly.

"Phew! Who could imagine whatchaos would've insued if she had her Dr. Pepper to fuel her!" Moosey said.

"That was rather long-winded and pointless, Moosey."

"Yes, indeed."

"InDEEEEED!" Snaitf and Moosey burst out laughing.

"That STILL hasn't gotten old!" Snaitf laughed.

Snaitf: Well, at least I got my ending. Okay, for some reason I can't figure out, I can't get one line to center without the entire thing centering! GRRNESS!  
TMC: So there will end our New Year's Eve Bash. Sorta a lame ending, but oh well. And I also want y'all to know that I was sick when I TRIED to write it, so that might be why it is so weird, and probably not funny.  
Snaitf: It was awesome, and thanks as always (Well, not as always cause this is the first chapter you've written) for being awesome... :)


	30. ObiWan's Obsession

Pippin the Ringbearer

A/n: Hey everybody! Umm just a warning, next chapter is going to be written by Moosey and Helga and will be the Valentine's Day chapter, so just run as far away as possible… seriously. I'm not kidding. :) Just a note, this first part is an actual conversation we're having. I AM NOW LISTENING TO THE REQUIEM SONG AND IT IS AWESOME! That was random... yeah.

_**Review Responses For a Lot of Chapters!**_

_**Chapter 27:**_

HarryEstel: I had an AWESOME Christmas! Obi is so cute! I love Ewan in Moulin Rouge too! Woot! Thanks for the review!

LoveMom: Hi mom! Hehe, that's Helga's decision, but I doubt it... :)

Moosey: Hehe yes the drinking game... :) Well, I had a brain fart, so sorry. :)

Helga: Man, this song rocks:) Requiem for a Dream. You'll have to listen to it later... But yes, the drinking game! Man, as soon as you and Lauren turn 21, we're partying! And we're going to play that with real champagne! Maybe... if not, Bub works too. :) Yup, and only 3 days late this time! Woot!

_**Chapter 28:**_

Helga: Hehe... Well, good job:) Man, that's going to be awesome when you turn 21!

HarryEstel: Hee, yes, I think Helga was hyper too... I don't like eggnog that much (And neither does Helga, if you didn't notice!) Glad you liked it!

Moosey: Well, you did need it. :) Haha! That was funny:) Dear lord, the Valentine's chapter. :)

Frodo: Calm down, Fro! Don't shoot the messenger, I just posted:) But anyways... yeah...

_**Chapter 29:**_

Frodo: Yes, it's weird doing that... that's why I don't do it that much. :) Nice chapter by the way!

Smeagol Fasir Kenobi: Hehe, well, arriba is fun to say... it's like... ooze... ooze is just fun to say! Go ahead, say it! Ooooooooozzeeeeee! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, I'm REALLY easily entertained... :) Well, that sounded like you had a really fun vacation:)

BG Sparrow: WOOT! NEW REVIEWER! WELCOME TO THE INSANITY OF MY WORLD! Hehe, I'm sure it's not the best... :) I read one of your stories, but my brother kicked me off before I could review. I was laughing my butt off:) Just to let you know. :) Glad you like it!

Helga: Hehe, yes snaps for Frodo! Yeah... but not as much Texas History as I thought there'd be. :)

Moosey: Haha, yeah, Helga and her obsessions. (Shakes head, then hugs Obi-Wan) Hehe... okay, I guess I don't have much room to talk... :)

Phew! Lots of reviews! Hehe...

Chapter 30: Obi-Wan's Obsession

There was a burst of maniacal laughter coming from the one side of a small room that the entire Fellowship was crammed in. Everyone was creeped out and backed as far away from them as possible.

"Umm what are they laughing about?" asked Obi-Wan slowly, trying not to fall off of the small window sill seat that was already stacked high with important looking papers.

"They're writing the Valentine's Day chapter…" Snaitf replied, looking over to where Moosey and Helga were taking turns writing on Word.

"YOU CAN'T LOOK!" Helga screamed, "SHE'S TRYING TO LOOK, MOOSEY!"

"DON'T LOOK!" Moosey yelled

"I'M NOT LOOKING!" Snaitf shrieked for the 100th time.

"YOU'RE LOOKING RIGHT NOW!"

"I don't have my glasses! I can't see!"

Moosey and Helga went back to writing their chapter. Snaitf sighed.

"Great, it's the song with the fawn. Now someone's gonna come in the middle of the night and kidnap us and--" Helga groaned as a song came on the speakers from Moosey's computer.

"FORN!"

"It's FAWN!"

"It's FORN, THEY SAY IT IN A BRITISH ACCENT!"

"They say FAWN!"

"SHUT UP OR I'LL GIVE YOU FLUFFY WITH JEFF!"

"Please?" Jeff asked, popping out of nowhere.

"NO DON'T GIVE ME FLUFFY WITH JEFF! GIMME RYAN KEY THE BELLHOP! GIVE HER THE FLUFFY WITH JEFF!"

"SHUT UP!"

"I WANT FLUFFY WITH RYAN KEY THE BELLHOP!"

"I SAID SHUT UP HELGA!" Snaitf screamed, typing madly on the keyboard. Helga leaned over to see what she was writing.

"YOU CAN'T LOOK! I DON'T GET TO LOOK AT MINE… I mean… you get to… I don't get to look at yours, so you don't get to look at mine!"

"GIMME THE FLUFFY! PAIR HER WITH JEFF!" Helga yelled, waving her arm in Moosey's direction.

"GO AWAY!" Snaitf yelled, bursting into giggles at how stupid Helga was acting. She hit her head on the desk.

"OWW! That hurt!" She rubbed her head.

"I'll give you fluffy with Ewan McGregor! Really cute fluffy if you just give me Ryan Key the Bellhop!"

"FINE!" Snaitf threw a Chibi Ryan Key the Bellhop from Bishonen R Us at her.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! I'll say Forn for the rest of my life!"

And so they were quiet for a while, each typing their own chapters.

"Snaitf?" asked Frodo.

"Cha?"

"Umm... it's Faun, like F-A-U-N in the book."

"Really?"

"Yeah..."

"Oh... you can say faun, Helga, but it sounded like you said 'fawn' like a deer."

"Oh! Well, that's what I thought it was."

"Nope..."

"Erm… Snaitf?" Obi asked, still not sure if she was still about to bite someone's head off.

"Yeah, Obi-Wan?" she asked sweetly.

"Um… Are we gonna do anything besides watch ya'll kill each other?"

"Oh… I suppose ya'll do need something to do… Here, play with this." She said, throwing them a book. They all looked at it. It was titled "Su Doku."

"What is… So Dooku? Count Dooku's autobiography?"

"Su Doku, not So Dooku, and no, it's not a biography, it's this game… there's instructions on the first few pages," she replied distractedly, still typing.

"Oh…" Obi-Wan read the instructions for a bit, then started doing a few of the puzzles. All of the rest of the Fellowship got a book too, and soon they were all happily doing their Su Doku puzzles.

"Okay, I'm done typing for now!" Snaitf announced about an hour later.

"So're we." Helga said.

"All right, ya'll, you can put away those books now."

"Hang on" Obi-Wan said, obviously not listening to a word they were saying.

"Um... Obi, we need to break into the base and save Locust Lad, not to mention figure out how to fix the machine."

"Yeah, just one more puzzle."

((One Hour Later))

"Okay, Obi, that's 3 puzzles you've done, seriously, we need to go." Snaitf said, losing her patience and grabbing the Su Doku book from him. He screamed.

"NO! I must do another puzzle!"

"Oh LORD, Snaitf, now you've got him addicted to it!" Helga muttered, still trying to save the Valentine's Day chapter. "I SAID SAVE, DANG IT! I DON'T WANT IT TO PRINT!"

"I needs it! They took it away from me... it was my friend! It was... my PRECIOUSSS!"

"Look what you did now, Snaitf!" Helga yelped. "Now he won't want to fight in the Clone Wars when we take him back cause he's too busy doing Su Doku puzzles!"

"All right, all right! Who else is as obsessed as Obi is with the puzzles?" She asked, looking at the others. They all stared back at her.

"I, uh got frustrated with mine and tore it in half about an hour and a half ago." said Aragorn abashedly, "And the Hobbits didn't understand it."

"What about you, Leggy?"

"Dun' call me Leggy." He replied distractedly, still playing the Su Doku game.

"Um, Leggy is that the same one that you've been playing all this time?" Snaitf asked.

"Yes..."

"You've gotten 3 numbers in the past 2 hours..."

"It's hard! Everytime I try to get one number, there's 2 places it can go, and if I try to put it in one, it'll turn out wrong and I have to erase it!"

"Well, you are doing a Fiendish... those are the hardest ones."

Leggy looked at the difficulty setting. "Oh yeah!" He flipped it back to Easy and started a new one.

"Well, I guess that's 2 that're obsessed... You know what that means!" Snaitf announced.

"Umm... no, actually."

"GIVE US THE PRECIOUSSS!" Obi-Wan shrieked, trying to grab the book from Snaitf.

"It means we have to take them to the Su Doku Rehab Clinic!"

"There's actually a Su Doku Rehab Clinic?"

"No, but we'll pretend there is."

"Oh... okay..."

"Obi-Wan, come on we're going to the rehab clinic!"

"NO! GIMME THE BOOK!"

Snaitf sighed. "All right... I'll give it to you when we get to the clinic!"

"Fine."

(One Hour Later)

"All right, we're here!"

"GIMME THE BOOK!"

"Hang on, Obi-Wan!" Snaitf said. They all crowded into the elevator to get to the front desk, which was on the 73rd level (Why is the front desk not on the first level? Because I designed it.)

"They said they would gives us the preciousss when we got to the clinic! They lied to us! Wicked, tricksy, false!" Obi-Wan muttered.

"All right! Here's your book, you... Su Doku Nazi!" Snaitf snapped, giving him the book.

"PRECIOUSS!" Obi-Wan grabbed it and spent the rest of the ride crouched in the corner doing puzzles.

"Man, this music is so boring, it'll give people seizures!" Helga complained, twitching.

"Cha! It's so... elevator music-y!" Moosey agreed.

"Well... then don't listen to it!"

"But there's nothing else to do!"

"We could get the jazz band together! We're so loud we'd never hear the music over us!" Snaitf exclaimed.

"Yeah!" Frodo agreed ecstatically. And so, out of nowhere, all of the jazz band members popped out of nowhere with their instruments.

And they are as follows: (NOTE: None of these are there real names... which is kinda noticeable on most of them) on the first row, Cowgirl on her Jazz flute Georgette, Moosey on Lead Tenor Sax Taisa, Snaitf on Lead Alto sax Faye, Chris (His nickname cause I can never remember to say his real name) on first second alto, Boom Boom (Nickname courtesy of Mom...) on second second alto which he refuses to name, Emilemma (We have 2 Emily's and an Emma, so the teacher couldn't remember her name, so now she's Emilemma) on Second Tenor, and Shoe on Bari sax Hiroshima.

On the second row, the fabulous low brass, with Nicky D. on Lead Trombone, Potato Boy on second trombone, Barry (Cause I don't know his real name and he plays the baritone) on baritone, and Tubacca on Tuba.

And in the final row! Helga on Lead Trumpet Billy Joe Armstrong Jr., Quiet Dude sharing Lead Trumpet with Helga and also not having a name for his horn, Loudy McLouder on first second trumpet, Smeagol on second second trumpet, and Pole Dancer on first third trumpet, and Randolph on second third trumpet.

And let us not forget the rhythm section, Frodo on piano, B. Raddy on guitar, Big Daddy E on drums, and Noob on bass piano, which substitutes for a bass guitar.

"Woot! All right, so we need to warm up..."

"I don't wanna play the warm up, it's boring!" yelled Loudy McLouder.

"All right, who doesn't want to play the warm up?" Snaitf asked

Everyone raised their hands.

"All right... umm... Oh! Let's warm up on Sweet Georgia Brown!"

"Woot!" Everyone agreed. And so they played Sweet Georgia Brown and rocked immensely. You could hear Loudy McLouder over everyone else because he blasts like an elephant, but it was still awesome. But when they were done, they were still only on the 21st level since it was a very very slow elevator.

"All right, now let's play Zoot Suit Riot!" And so they did and still rocked immensely.

"Hey, can we play Sing Sing Sing up to tempo?" asked Moosey.

"I hate that song!" Boom Boom complained.

"Get over it!" Snaitf said. They played Sing Sing Sing up to tempo and did very well considering they had only played it once before and at half the speed.

"Hey, um why are we playing in an elevator?" asked Nicky D.

"Nicky, that question is irrelevant."

"No it's not."

"All right, we're in a Su Doku rehab clinic because Obi-Wan Kenobi is addicted to Su Doku and we need to get him un-addicted before we continue our search for Locust Lad. And the elevator music is giving Helga seizures because it's so boring so we're playing really loud so it'll drown out the boringness."

"Oh... okay."

"That's stupid!" Boom Boom said.

"Boom Boom, shut up." Cowgirl snapped.

"Thank you, Cowgirl. So... what do we want to play next?" Immediately, everyone started talking at once, yelling names of songs.

"Okay, okay okay! Umm let's play some Christmas music from last semester, all right? So... Jingle Bell Rock sound good to everyone?"

"But it's not Christmas!" Boom Boom pointed out.

"All right, that's it! Boom Boom, if you naysay one more time, I'm going to change your nickname to something really stupid!"

"My nickname is already stupid."

"Boom Boom!"

"Fine!"

"All right, now, is everyone fine with Jingle Bell Rock?"

"That sounds good to me." Potato Boy said. Everyone else agreed, except Boom Boom, who was then given the death look by Snaitf and quickly agreed.

"A-one, and a-two, and a-three, and a-seventeen!" Snaitf called.

"Seventeen!" Frodo exclaimed.

"Yes... oh wait... umm... how bout Big Daddy E starts us off?" Snaitf suggested.

"That's a good idea..."

And so Big Daddy E clicked his sticks off to the beat and they started. Snaitf got a solo, which she messed up on, and then Moosey got her solo, which was perfect, and then Snaitf got one again, and traded off with Moosey again, which both had no mistakes. It was altogether a very awesome song. They finished just as they reached the 65th floor.

"I suppose we'll have time to do one more song before we get there."

"How bout Proud Mary?" suggested Moosey.

"All right, any naysayers other than Boom Boom?"

"I'm not gonna naysay to Proud Mary."

"Well, that's good."

"All right, so everyone agrees to Proud Mary?" Helga asked.

"Yup!" everyone said. So Big Daddy E counted them off again and they started on their last song.

"Hey, I know this song!" Pippin said.

"Yeah... but wait... the song I'm thinking of has the lyrics 'rolling down the river.' What does that have to do with Proud Mary?" asked Legolas.

"Proud Mary's a boat." Snaitf said during a rest before coming back in.

"Ohhh! Gotcha!" he said.

As Snaitf said, they finished just as they got to the 73rd floor.

"Yay! All right, thanks guys! If you want to tag along for this chapter, be my guest!"

"Woot!" B. Raddy, Cowgirl, Shoe, Potato Boy, and Emmilemma said.

"No way! Screw you guys, I'm going home!" Boom Boom said.

"I have homework." Nicky D. said.

"So do I," said Quiet Dude, Loudy McLouder, Smeagol, Big Daddy E, Noob, Pole Dancer, Randolph, Chris, Tubacca, and Barry.

"All right. See ya'll, and thanks!"

"Cha! We'd've gone insane if we had to listen to that music the entire time!"

"See ya!" everyone said. So the jazz band disappeared, except for those that had elected to stay for a chapter. Boom Boom was accidentally transported on top of his roof, and he spent the rest of the evening trying to explain to his parents that he hadn't been trying to fly or commit suicide.

"All right, let's go!" Snaitf said, leading the way to the front desk.

"Can I help you?" asked the lady in a bored voice.

"Obi-Wan needs to get un-addicted to Su Doku." Snaitf explained.

"47th floor, first door on the left." She said, pointing to the elevator.

"Not again!" Helga groaned.

"Who designed this building!" Aragorn exclaimed incredulously.

"If you don't want to listen to elevator music, there's an elevator that plays Yellowcard down the hall," the girl said, still talking in a bored voice.

"I vote Yellowcard!" Helga said, running down the hall.

"Helga, hang on!" Snaitf shouted after her.

"I'd be careful, there's walking sharks down that hallway." The lady said. A shriek was heard.

"Helga?" Moosey shouted down the hall. No response.

"My Love Coke!" Tom shouted, "I'll save you!" he ran down the hall.

"Oh, no you don't! I'M saving her!" Pierre shouted, running after him.

"I guess we should follow them." Snaitf said.

"Thanks, bored-sounding lady!" Cowgirl said.

"Have a nice day." She replied, watching boredly as they ran down the hall.

They caught up with Helga, Pierre, and Tom just as they were rescuing Helga from a shark. Together, they made it to the elevator and waited to get to the 47th floor.

"IF I COULD FIND YOU NOW, THINGS WOULD GET BETTERRRR! WE COULD LEAVE THIS TOWN AND RUN FOREEVERRRRRRRRRRRR! I KNOW SOMEWAY, SOMEHOW WE'LL BE TOGETHER! LET YOUR WAVES CRASH DOWN ON ME AND TAKE ME AWAYAY YEAH!" Helga and Snaitf sang at the top of their lungs.

"This is too depressing!" Emilemma said.

"Depressing? Yellowcard! You should My Immortal!"

"Yeah! That music video made me cry!" Helga said.

"I haven't seen it yet."

"I should tie you to a chair and make you see it."

"No, I really think I'm okay, thanks."

"OMG I LOVE THIS SONG!" Helga said as Only One came on.

"ME TOO!" Snaitf screamed.

"BROKEN THIS FRAGILE THING NOOOWWWW! AND I CAN'T, I CAN'T PICK UP THE PIECES! I'VE THROWN MY WORDS ALL AROUND! BUT I CAN'T, I CAN'T GIVE YOU A REASON! I FEEL SO BROKEN UP AND I GIVE UP! I JUST WANNA TELL YOU SO YOU KNOWWWW! HERE I GO! SCREAM MY LUNGS OUT AND TRY TO GET TO YOU! YOU ARE MY ONLY ONE, I LET GO BUT THERE'S JUST NO ONE THAT GETS ME LIKE YOU DO! YOU ARE MY ONLY, MY ONLY ONE!"

"Snaitf, Helga, seriously, we can't even hear them over the speakers!" Frodo said, yelling to get their attention.

"That's the point!" Snaitf said as if it were obvious. And so, she and Helga continued to scream their lungs out (To quote the song) until the end.

"HERE I GO SCREAM MY LUNGS OUT AND TRY TO GET TO YOU! YOU ARE MY ONLY ONE! I LET GO BUT THERE'S JUST NO ONE!

"NO ONE LIKE YOU!" Snaitf continued in a kinda solo thing.

"YOU ARE MY ONLY, MY ONLY ONE!" They finished together. Moosey sighed.

"And to think we're only on the 54th floor." She mumbled. They managed to finish 3 more songs before they got to the 47th floor.

"Finally!" Aragorn gasped, running out.

"Come on. Helga." Moosey said, grabbing her arm.

"No! I want to stay! Way Away is next!"

"We're not staying to listen to Way Away, so let's go!" Moosey said, yanking her out of the elevator.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" She whined.

"Let's go!" Snaitf said, walking to the first door on the left. There was a bucket nailed to the wall next to it. Inside was scuba gear. There was a note taped to it that said "Caution! This room is underwater! Please use scuba gear."

"Okay... this is weird." Legolas said, trying to figure out how to put the scuba gear on.

They had to take the Su Doku book away from Obi-Wan again to get him to put the scuba gear on. After the screaming and inane babble that followed (Of which "Shire" and "Baggins" were both discernable) they made their way into the room.

((One Hour Later))

"Finally! I thought we'd never be finished with that place!"

"Seriously! But at least now Obi is not obsessed anymore!"

"Yeah... that Su Doku is dangerous!" Obi-Wan said, keeping as far away from the book in Snaitf's hands as possible.

And so they went back to where they started, behind the boulder several yards from the cockroach base.

"Well, I think it would be fair to say that we didn't accomplish anything today." Snaitf said.

"I agree." Moosey said.

_**TBC...**_

A/n: Hehe, this was the longest chapter that I ever wrote! Anyways... yeah...


	31. Moosey and Helga's Valentine's Day!

Pippin the Ringbearer

Snaitf: I promised not to change anything, so… But know this, Moosey and/or Helga: I AM GOING TO KILL YOU! Oh yeah, and they're idiots and didn't finish the chapter, so… Perhaps there will be a part 2 or something…

Yay! It's the Valentines Day chapter with Helga and Moosey!

As you might not know, Snaitf tells me EVERYTIME not to make the chapter perverted. Well…screw that. Here's the warning: If you DON'T like suggestive, perverted, dirty, inappropriate or just plain messed up things, then DO NOT READ THIS CHAPTER! It's really suggestive…and there are a few messed up couples…hehehehehe………..

So now, the Valentines chapter!

Helga: Tom, Ryan Key the bellhop, Dane

Moosey: D, Seb, Sesshoumaru

The Valentines Day Chapter

"So, you know what day it is?"

It was a cold day in February. Everyone was basically sitting around and doing nothing, considering its the beginning of the chapter.

"No, what?" Frodo asked.

"It's Valentines Day chapter!" Helga and Moosey shouted happily at the same time. "So, everyone get in one group…."

Moosey and Helga stood at the front. "So, you go first," Helga said.

Moosey thought for a moment. "I want….D, David, Seb, Sesshoumaru, Vash, Legato, Ed, Roy, Mothman, and Phantom!"

Helga said, "I want Tom, Pierre, Chuck, Wolfwood, Travis, Mark, Ryoga, Locust Lad, Micheal (Moosey gave a dirty look), and Ryan Key the bell hop! Oh yeah, and Spike!"

"Wait, I want Spike!" Moosey demanded. "How bout we split him in half?"

"Okay, but I get the top half!"

Moosey sighed. "Not like that, you butt-wipe! I meant we could split him up in minutes, you moron!"

"Oh. I knew that."

"And make Ed tall."

"You're a slave driver, you know that?"

"Oh shut up."

Suddenly Ed shouted, "Yay, I'm not a shrimp!"

Frodo was confused. "Who are these people!"

"Well, D is Vampire Hunter D WHO SNAITF KILLED, David and Seb are from Simple Plan, Sesshoumaru is from InuYasha, Vash and Legato are from Trigun, Ed and Roy are from FullMetal Alchemist, Spike is from Cowboy Bebop, Mothman is Mothman, and Phantom is from, well, Phantom of the Opera," Moosey said.

"And Tom, Travis and Mark are from blink-182, Pierre and Chuck are from Simple Plan, Wolfwood is from Trigun, Ryoga is from Ranma ½, Locust Lad is Locust Lad, Micheal is….Micheal….and Ryan Key the bell hop is from Yellowcard!" Helga said happily.

"So, now we're pairing you up," Moosey said. Her and Helga went into a huddle really quick.

"So, any requests?" Helga asked.

Legolas raised his hand. "Can I have suggestive fluffy with Aragorn!"

"WHAT!" Aragorn yelled…and with good reason.

"Um, okay. Uh…you two, then………………….."

"NO! THERE SHALL BE NO SLASH IN THIS STORY!" Snaitf yelled.

"Fun sucker." Moosey said.

"Fine," Helga typed something on her laptop and suddenly….

"Oh my gosh! I'm a GIRL! YAY!" Legolas squealed.

"Man, you're hot as a chick, Leggy!" Aragorn said.

Snaitf raised her hand. "I want Obi-wan, Anakin, and Aragorn!"

Instead, she got Obi-wan, Anakin, and….Jeff!

"I don't want Jeff!" she cried.

"Too bad." And Helga typed on the laptop, "Snaitf said, I love Jeff!"

Snaitf shouted, "Wait, I LOVE Jeff!" And Jeff was like, "YAY!"

Sam raised his hand. "I want Mr. Frodo!"

Frodo raised his hand, too. "I want Sam!"

They looked at each other and ran and………….heh………………eew.

Emily/Frodo raised her hand. "I want Raoul!"

"Eew."

Thus, she got Raoul, the pansy.

Ranma and Akane were together, duh, and Kira and Rei (from Mars) were together. And were EXTREMELY cute together.

"I gotta go to the bathroom," Helga said randomly.

"Fine, I'll go too…" Moosey said, taking the laptop.

"You guys stay here…we'll be back…eventually…" Helga said.

"Can I go with ya'll to protect Moosey?" D asked.

Moosey squealed and started doing weird things oO.

"No…we'll be fine…C'mon Moosey." Helga said.

Moosey sighed and waved goodbye to D. As D watched as Moosey and Helga go over the hill to go find the bathroom, D's hand suddenly said, "Rats…"

On their search to find the bathrooms, Moosey and Helga came across a strange sequence of small springs, that stretched for a ¼ mile…the bathrooms were on the other side.

Moosey grabbed Helga's hand and said "C'mon." and started dragging Helga across the springs, while trying not to fall in. When they were almost done crossing, Moosey tripped over a rock and fell into a spring while dragging Helga in with her.

"Why the crap did you trip!" Helga yelled at Moosey.

"I don't know! But we're close to the bathrooms now…let's go."

They both started to stand up, then their eyes widened as they looked at each other…

"OMFG YOU'RE A GUY!" They screamed at each other.

"'Oly crap! These must be like those Chinese springs in Ranma ½ that change you into stuff! CRAP!" Helga said.

"I dunno…I always thought it would be fun to be a guy…" Moosey said.

"BUT IT'S VALENTINES DAY!"

"NOOOOOO!" Moosey screamed in utter denial.

"Well, I guess we'd better go find some hot water to change us back before anyone finds out…" Helga said.

Meanwhile, up in a tree, D, who had been following the two, despite what Helga had said. D's hand gasped in shock, at the strange incident.

They finally got to the bathrooms. "I still gotta go," Helga said.

"Then go!"

"But…but I can't!"

"What do you mean you can't!"

Helga looked down, hoping Moosey would get the idea.

Moosey slapped himself in the forehead. "You idiot! You gotta go sometime!"

"But I don't want to!"

Moosey walked in, hoping Helga would follow. She did, despite the fact that she was now a guy.

"I look weird like a guy," Helga complained as he looked into the mirror.

Moosey grinned, though. "I look better as a guy, I think."

Suddenly, D burst in! "WHAT HAPPENED!" he screamed.

Moosey ignored him and said, "My clothes are way too tight."

"Same here. We need new ones."

"D, can your hand conjure up some guy clothes?"

"I have a name, you know!" his hand said, annoyed.

"What is it?"

"Uh….I dunno!"

Moosey and Helga rolled their eyes. Their MANLY eyes, I might add.

"Right."

So his hand conjured up some guy clothes and Moosey just reminded me to write that we needed boxers. UH…….yeah.

"Yay I'm wearing the Canadian flag!" Helga squealed.

"Yay, Fullmetal Alchemist boxers! With Ed! w00t."

Halfway across Mordor, Ed cringed.

"So, how are we going to tell the others?" Helga asked.

"We don't."

"Ah, I get it."

"D, go look for some hot water," Moosey commanded. "The sink only has cold water."

"Anything for you, my love!"

"Will you stop saying that? But it is cute!" Moosey squealed. "But wait, I'm a guy……………… Creepy much……………………"

"C'mon, we better go before they start killing each other," Helga said. "They are all jealous of each other, you know."

"Speaking of which, how are we going to have fluffy with them all?"

"Uh…………..I don't know."

"Great."

So, they carefully crossed the springs back to the place they were originally, and D brought back a steaming pot of hot water.

"Ow, that hurts," Helga complained.

"All you do is complain!"

"Jerk."

"Anyway." They went back to see they were having a………..water balloon fight!"

"Oh no! If we get splashed with that, we'll turn into guys!" Moosey said.

"Maybe, when they see us, they'll stop," Helga hoped.

They walked up to them, and Pierre grinned. "Hey, there she is!" he said happily.

"Will you stop it?" Helga complained.

"Just a second. I'm pretty sure we ALL want to see you (in that white shirt) wet. Hehe..."

"You sicko!" Helga made a face. "Stop, will ya?"

D's hand then looked at Mooseys shirt and then sighed, because it wasn't white. Lucky for him, Moosey hadn't noticed.

Unfortunately, someone had already thrown a water balloon at her!

"Ahh!" she screamed. But after a few seconds...she was still a girl!

"Wait...this water's warm," she said with relief. "Why are you fighting with warm water?"

"Because we couldn't find any cold water," Pierre complained. He grinned. "Works as good as cold, though."

Helga slapped him. "But why are you wearing guy clothes?" he asked.

"Um...to turn you on?"

"Ha, you already did that..."

Helga immediately ran away and hid behind Moosey. "Well, what should we do now?"

"Uh...we should continue on that chapter...and hide all the water balloons."

"Yeah."

But just as they were about to sneak off to go hide all the water balloons, they felt a splash of bitterly cold water hit their backs.

Suddenly they grew to 6' 3" instead of their usual 5' 8", Helga's hair became shorter, and Moosey's looked like Makoto's from W Juliet.

"Oh sonnuvafish" Moosey mumbled in a deep voice.

Helga was freaking out, and Seb screamed, "OH MY GOSH I'M GAY!"

"YAY!" Jeff yelled.

Snaitf fainted.

Seb cringed and ran behind Moosey….even though he was a guy.

"No! NO! It's not what it looks like!" Helga yelled.

"Well, it sure looks like somethin'" Pierre said.

"So what's the story behind all this?" David asked.

"You know how we were trying to find the bathrooms?" Moosey asked.

"Yes…"

"Well….uh…on the way to the bathrooms there were some springs you see…"

"Go on…"

"And I tripped and I was holding on to Helga's hand…and we both fell in one…and when we got up…we were both guys…"

Everything was silent...except for Ranma who yelled, "NOW YOU KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH!"

"Aw, shaddup." Helga retorted.

"And so…we change back to girls when we're hit with hot water…" Moosey finished.

Immediately, hot water was thrown at them. However, Moosey dodged it so she could stay a guy, to all of her admirers dismay.

Helga sat there drenched. "I don't know whether to feel happy or scared," Helga said sarcastically. "Stupid white shirt."

"C'mon, you have fluffy with me and Jeff!" Snaitf complained as she came to. She turned to Jeff and asked, "Are you really gay!"

"No……………………I'm bi!"

"YAY!"

"Eew."

"Well, we better start on the fluffy," Helga sighed. "So, who wants to go first? Wait, I already know the answer………………….me!"

She whipped out her laptop. "Hm………………….we should go somewhere quiet…………."

She looked around, expecting Pierre to make a totally perverted comment. Alas, no comment was made. "Pierre? Where are you?" she asked.

Suddenly, a masked man flew down from the sky and grabbed Helga! "Aahhhhhhhhhh!" she screamed. But when she looked up, she saw…………………..Locust Lad!

He immediately whisked her off somewhere else.

_Helga x Locust Lad_

"Where…where am I?" Helga asked as she came to. "My head hurts………"

She saw that she was in a dark cave. "Um….is anyone there?"

Suddenly, someone appeared right in front of her! It was Locust Lad, hanging upside down from the ceiling.

"Oh. Hi, Locust Lad!"

"Hello, dearest Helga." She saw him grin. "I had to save you."

"Who are you?" she blurted out.

"It's best that you don't know that."

"But who….why…why can't you tell me?"

"Because………." He paused so he could think of a good reason. "Um……..I'm a superhero! You can't know!"

Something in her mind clicked, and she grinned. "Even if I don't know your name, I think I'm in love with you," she said as she batted her eyelashes at him.

He grinned more.

"But alas, I can't kiss you because you won't take off your mask," she said as she pretended to cry.

"Um……….I know! You can take off the bottom part of my mask!"

Helga grinned and slowly pulled down his mask. "Why can't you tell me who you are?"

"Um………"

"It's okay. I love you, Pierre."

Then, they slowly kissed and Helga (inside her head, dumb-a) went, "AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

She managed to separate herself from his sweet, soft lips. "Pierre, why can't you tell people you're Locust Lad?"

"I'm sorry, but I can't," he said as he continued to hang upside down. "It's a superhero thing."

"Well…can we fly back?"

"Will I get more fluffy?"

"Of course!"

She kissed him again. "Okay. I love you."

"I love you too, Helga."

_Legolas Aragorn _

And since everyone was sick of listening to them sweet talk each other, Leggy and Aragorn were sent to the Playboy mansion. Aragorn wanted Hugh Heffner's autograph.

"Oh yay, our room is pink!" Leggy squealed.

Aragorn didn't care about what color the room was. He just wanted to get laid.

A girl dressed in a bunny suit knocked at the door. "Would you like some complimentary champagne with your hotel room?"

Immediately Leggy got jealous because Aragorn was checking out the chick at the door. So (s)he got his/her bow and arrows and immediately threatened to kill the chick with bunny ears.

"HUGH!" she screamed. Immediately a dirty, dirty old man showed up in his fancy red robe things with sixty other bunny suit dressed chicks behind him.

"Just come with me and EVERYTHING will be alright," he said. Leggy stuck his/her tongue out when the chick left.

_Later, as heard through the walls of Aragorn's room………._

"Do you hear that?" a blonde bunny asked the brunette next to her—they were cleaning the room next to Leggy and Aragorn's.

"Hm, let's put our ears next to the wall," the brunette suggested. So they did. This is what they heard…….

"I cant' breathe! Get off of me, you big lug!"

"That's so gross," the blonde said. "Let's go back with Hugh."

Thus ends the extremely retarded fluffy with Leggy and Aragorn. Because Helga is sick of writing at this point in time, and wants Moosey to write a #$$$$!#$ chapter once in a while!

_Snaitf Jeff_

Snaitf jumped Jeff, " US NEXT!" she screamed.

"Yes! Us next!" Jeff screamed as well.

So therefore Snaitf and Jeff were then transported to a field full of sheep….and daisies (at Helga's demand).

Snaitf jumped Jeff again and they both fell into the daisies…and sheep.

Snaitf and Jeff started kissing and all the sheep…and daisies ran away.

_Emily/Frodo Raoul_

"ME AND RAOUL NEXT! ME AND RAOUL NEXT!" Frodo/Emily screamed.

"Yes!" Raoul agreed.

"Fiiine…." Moosey said.

Suddenly Raoul and Emily were transported to the Eiffel tower.

"I love you, Frodo/Emily." Raoul said. Meanwhile back at the Opera Populair Christine screamed and ripped her heart out…and then the Phantom died, and Moosey cried.

"I love you too, Raoul!" Emily/Frodo said.

Raoul moved his face closer to Emily's and softly kissed her lips. As he pulled back, he grinned. "Your lips taste like the finest champagne, sweetest Frodo/Emily."

"And your hair smells like wine, dearest Raoul," Frodo/Emily said. He cradled her in his arms and he flipped his hair. "You're so romantic. I love you."

And thus, the whole city of Paris lay before the two lovers, and their passionate embrace filled the loneliest gap in Frodo/Emily's soul.

_David Moosey_

Since Moosey was threatening to kill Helga, she decided to write fluffy for her. Suddenly, David and Moosey were transported to the roof of a building at night, with all of Canada before them.

"What's with Helga's obsession with rooftops?" David asked.

"It's supposed to be the same thing as Promise, dumb-a."

"Oh yeah! That story's so cute. Her and Pierre make me want to puke they're so cute."

"Yeah. So, anyway….."

Moosey sat on the edge with her feet hanging over the ledge. "It's really beautiful up here, David."

"Yeah, but not as beautiful as you."

Moosey tried to conceal her blush. "Um, thanks."

"Hey, watch this," David said. He pulled out a bottle of water and took the lid off. "Hey, that old lady is coming right our way! Sweet!"

"Yay! Hit the old lady!" Moosey said happily. David accidentally dropped the bottle and knocked the old lady's wig off.

"Dude, she just gave me the finger!"

"Crazy old bat, giving my sweetheart the finger like that…."

"Thanks, sweetums."

"Sweetums!"

David just grinned. It was quiet for a moment until David asked, "Do you want some gum?"

"Sure," Moosey replied.

"Well, you have to close your eyes first."

Moosey arched her eyebrow, but she did as she was told. _I wonder why he's making me do this. Why can't he just give me some stupid gum? _She waited a little longer, but she still did not get any gum. _I'll just open my eyes. It won't hurt to take a little peek, will it?_

She opened her eyes and saw David leaning in for a kiss!

She grinned and closed her eyes again. She felt David gently kiss her lips.

"I love you, Moosey," he said softly. Their faces were still very close, and Moosey had a good view of his brown eyes.

"I love you too, David," she replied just as soft. They kissed again, not aware of anything around them. After they finished kissing, Moosey rested her head on David's shoulder. Soon, he rested his on hers and they fell asleep.

_Snaitf Obi-Wan_

When Snaitf and Jeff got back from nowhere land, Obi-Wan immediately requested to have suggestive fluffy with Snaitf, who squealed endlessly.

Helga shuddered and sent them to the planet of Hoth. (If that turns out to be some weird planet, blame Preston, (Moosey's brother))

Snaitf and Obi-Wan were surrounded by…..Hoth….ness….whatever the crap that is.

Obi-wan leaned in for the kill, but Snaitf objected. She had decided at that very moment that she absolutely HATED Obi-Wan….but not really, we just wanted to freak Snaitf out.

So Obi-wan leaned in for the kill, and Snaitf wrapped her arms around Obi-wan as he kissed her. Snaitf kissed Obi-wan over and over and over….Then they started to get all passionate, like, and so now….we can't stay at this scene, no longer…shudder twitch burst into flames

Helga Wolfwood 

"Yay! Wolfwood's a priest," Helga said happily. "Episcopalian, so he can make out and such."

Wolfwood started to sweat.

"Okay, time to go somewhere fluffy!" she said happily. And poof. Poof….ness. yeah.

Suddenly, they were transported to……………………..a park outside of Mount Fuji with lots of cherry blossom trees.

Wolfwood was looking kind of nervous, being around the woman he loved and all. Helga didn't notice this, though. However, she was happy because she was with the man she loved.

"So…………….ness."

"Uh…………yeah."

Helga grinned and rested her hand on the top of his leg. He started to sweat more.

"So tell me, Wolfwood," Helga said flirtatiously. "Do you love me?"

"Um…..as a friend, of course," he said nervously. He started to pull out a cigarette, despite the fact he was trying to quit. Helga immediately grabbed it from his hands.

"Wolfwood, why are you scared of me?" she asked sadly.

"I'm not," he denied.

She just gave him the sad, puppy dog look and he couldn't resist.

"I can't love you," he finally muttered quietly, "because you can't love me for what I've done in my past."

"Wolfwood…." Helga rubbed at her eyes so she wouldn't start crying. "I don't _care_ what you've done. I LOVE YOU. I don't care about your past."

He sighed. "But—"

Helga interrupted him by gently kissing him on the lips. He was surprised, but as soon as she pulled away, he said "Dmmit Helga, I can't help it. I love you, and…………dmmit, come here, you!"

Wolfwood suddenly kissed her on the mouth. Helga kissed him back, and soon she and the priest were on the ground.

Wolfwood stopped kissing her for a second. "You're so beautiful with cherry blossoms in your hair." With that, uh…………………………um……………we can't stay at this scene moohahaha

_HelgaRyan Key the Bellhop_

So, Ryan Key the Bellhop and Helga were transported to….uh…Canada and had numerous amounts of fluffy. The End.

And we got to make out in an elevator at the hotel he works at. The end……………again.


	32. Where I Actually Write My Own Chapter!

Pippin the Ringbearer

A/n: Woot, I actually get to write my own chapter! By the way, this is actually how I pass notes in class. :)

Chapter 32: Where I actually write my own chapter!

The Fellowship was sitting in a medium sized classroom with desks in ordered rows. Aragorn, Legolas, Tom, Pierre, and Obi-Wan were sitting in the row farthest from the door, next to the window. Moosey, Snaitf, Tony (Who had stuck around for the next chapter), Helga, and Emily/Frodo were in the next row right across from them, and the Hobbits and Mothman were in the 3rd row. A thin old teacher with glasses and short hair was talking in a droning voice about algebra.

"Erm, Snaitf…" Obi-Wan muttered, "What are we—"

"NO TALKING!" The teacher warned. Snaitf waited till she had turned back to the chalkboard to get out a piece of paper and hastily scribble something on it. Making sure the teacher had not turned, she thus (Extremely subtle-like, as note-passing has to be) hurled the folded piece of paper straight at Obi-Wan. The paper smacked him loudly in the face, and he hastily hid it as the teacher turned around, looking confused.

"Did someone click a pen?" she asked. No one answered, so she turned around again, continuing the lesson.

Obi-Wan looked at the paper, unfolding it. Snaitf had written on it:

_You shouldn't talk in her class. Pass notes, she never notices_.

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes, then got out a pencil from his utility belt and wrote underneath the untidy scrawl in neat, flowing letters:

_I could have guessed that much, since you threw it at me and she didn't care. That being said, WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE FORCE ARE WE DOING HERE?_

Then he passed it back to her less conspicuously, pretending to get a book from under the desk, and then sliding it across the floor. She read it, then wrote something and passed (Cough _hurled_) it back to him. This time, it said:

_We have a math test today._

Obi-Wan threw her a you're_-a-moron_ look. Meanwhile, Helga had passed a note to Tony with instructions to pass it to Snaitf. This he did, and Snaitf opened the note. On it were the words written in cursive writing:

_Snaitf, what am I doing here? I'M NOT EVEN IN THIS CLASS (Underline underline)_

Snaitf blinked, then looked at Helga and shrugged. Helga would have screamed in frustration, but the teacher would have gotten severely pissed off. Tony got out his own piece of paper and passed it to Snaitf. It said:

_What are ya'll talking about?_

It took her a moment to read the message, since his handwriting was almost illegible. Then she wrote back:

_Talking._

Tony read it, snorted, and wrote back:

_About what?_

Before she could answer, the teacher announced that she was passing out the test and they needed to clear their desks. While she was behind her desk getting the tests from a folder, Obi-Wan had just enough time to quickly write a note to Snaitf and, abandoning all attempts at being sneaky, threw it at her. She quickly read it before putting it under her desk. It said:

_Snaitf, I don't even know what this test it about!_

Snaitf looked over at the Hobbits, who now had their tests and were looking at them cluelessly. Slightly worried over this predicament, there was nevertheless nothing she could do about it, since the teacher had reached her desk.

"You need to do math in pencil, Snaitf." She said. Snaitf looked, realizing she had been writing in pen. She mumbled something that could've passed as an apology and fumbled through her bag, looking for her pencil.

"Hey, Moosey!" she hissed at Moosey.

"What!" she asked irritably.

"Knock knock."

Moosey rolled her eyes. "Who's there?" she asked.

"Bacon."

"Bacon who?" she asked, sounding more and more irritated.

"Bacon your pardon, but have you seen my pencil?" she asked, grinning. Tony snorted, then covered his mouth, pretending to cough. Obi-Wan, Aragorn, Legolas, and Helga (Who were the only ones close enough to hear) followed his example. The teacher looked up confused.

"Does everyone have a cold?" she asked, looking confused (That seems to happen a lot…). When the 'coughing fit' had finished and no one had answered her, she shook her head and turned back to her desk, where she was grading the previous class's papers.

Moosey, meanwhile, rolled her eyes, trying not to laugh. "No!" she replied.

"Oh… can I borrow yours?"

Moosey, now fed up, got her spare pencil and gave it to her, very nearly throwing it.

"Thanks, Moosey," she said brightly. Then she looked at her test, which was all about exponential functions. For 3 of the problems you had to make a table of functions without a calculator and graph it. After spending most of the period on the first 2 of these, she got impatient and skipped the last graphing one and went through the rest of them as quickly as possible. She stopped, blinking at the last problem.

_12. The number of lightsabers Anakin loses increases by 43 percent every 6 months. How many lightsabers has he lost in 10 years if he lost 2 the first months of his apprenticeship?_

She looked over at Obi-Wan, who took one look at it, snorted, then wrote something down and turned it in.

"_Crap, how'd he do that? He didn't even work anything out!" _she thought to herself, still staring at the problem. "_Crap! Okay… it'd be… 2(1 plus .43/2) to the 2x power… right? Or is it to the 6x power? Ahh, screw it, I'm going with 2x."_ Typing it in to her calculator, she got the answer 238.53. Writing it out on the answer sheet, she went back to the last graphing problem. Overcome by a fit of laziness, she put the quiz in her folder, deciding to finish it later.

As soon as she had put her folder back up, she grabbed the paper and wrote to Obi-Wan:

_What'd you get on number 12?_

He looked at it and wrote back, watching the teacher carefully for the right time to pass it back.

_239, why?_

Snaitf looked at it, perplexed. Then she wrote back:

_How'd you do it without working it out? And I got 238.53!_

Obi-Wan grinned as he passed his note back.

_I was Anakin's master for 10 years. You think I don't know how many lightsabers he lost? And how do you lose half a lightsaber anyway?_

Snaitf thought about this for a moment. "Crap!" She muttered aloud.

Thus the bell rang for the next period. The Fellowship got together almost immediately, finally able to talk freely.

"Snaitf, you moron! I'm in Pre-Algebra, not Algebra! We're going over the surface area of prisms! I don't even know what an exponential function is!" Helga ranted.

"Well, we had a math test, so me, Moosey and Tony had to take it!" she retorted. The Hobbits looked equally upset, having probably failed the test since most of their answers were "Carrot," "Potatoes," or "Mushrooms".

"I'm in Pre-Algebra too!" Frodo/Emily complained.

"I thought it was easy," Tony said. Everyone glared at him, so he shut up.

"Well, look, you're not even in this class, like you said, right? So she won't even count it!"

"Won't she be a bit confused that someone signed their name as Obi-Wan Kenobi?" Moosey asked, looking over at Obi-Wan. Snaitf thought about this, and then shrugged.

"Ah, it won't be that bad, I'm sure. Now let's get back to Mordor." And thus they zapped back to Mordor.

"Hey guys? What were ya'll doing here anyway?" Tony asked. Snaitf started to answer, then stopped, perplexed.

"What _were_ we doing?" she asked. Obi-Wan slapped his forehead.

"We were going to rescue Locust Lad from the cockroaches! Remember!"

"Oh yeaaaaaaahhhhhhh!" She said, "Okay, let's go! Erm… what was the plan?"

Obi-Wan felt like strangling Snaitf. "What did you do? Take stupid pills this morning!"

"No, I forgot to take my Anti-Stupid pills."

"She means her ADD medicine," Helga added, seeing his confused face. Hehe Get it? ADDed! (Cracks up)

Obi-Wan, after rolling his eyes at the lame joke, sighed and said exasperatedly, "We were going to wait till the guard change then sneak in and pretend to belong there. Remember?"

"Oh yeah! Okay! So let's go and wait behind the boulder," she suggested. Everyone quickly agreed. So they got back behind the boulder and waited for the next guard change.

_One Hour Later…_

Obi-Wan yawned with sheer boredom. Nothing had happened for the last hour, and he was getting tired of watching.

"Yo, Snaitf!" he said, "you watch for the guard change and I'll take a nap, okay?"

"Um… no!" Snaitf said.

"Too bad!" he replied, laying down and falling asleep. Snaitf grumbled about doing all the work and sat down, waiting for the guard change… whatever that looked like. She was so intent on looking for the guard change, she didn't notice that someone was sneaking up behind her…

**_Muahaha! Is this the end of the chapter? No, not really. Just wanted to freak ya'll out. Okay, back to the story._**

"You didn't turn in your quiz," said a voice right behind her. Snaitf jumped about 3 feet in the air and spun around to find the math teacher behind her.

"Erm… you scared me!" she said afrontedly.

"Where's your quiz?" she asked.

"I didn't finish it, so I took it with me."

"You can't do that. I'll take it and you can finish it tomorrow." So Snaitf handed her math test over and was late for school the next day because she had been writing all morning.

_**TBC…**_

A/n: Based on a true story:) So… review!

Namarie, Mellyn nin!

Snaitf Kenobi


	33. Helga's Birthday! Except Late

Pippin the Ringbearer

A/n: Sorry this took so long... Helga's birthday is April 11th...

Chapter 33: Helga's BIRTHDAY!

"STACEY'S MOM HAS GOT IT GOIN ON! SHE'S ALL I WANT AND I'VE WAITED FOR SO LONG!" Snaitf was singing at the top of her lungs.

"SNAITF STOP SINGING THAT SONG!" Moosey yelled.

"I can't help it!" Snaitf replied helplessly, "The Storywriter is on Musical!" And thus she went back to singing.

"Well sing something less annoying!" She demanded.

"Okay...Umm... I see a little silhouetto of a man..." she started.

"NO! Anything but that!" Moosey yelled. Too late!

"Skatabush! Skatabush! Will you do the fandango?" Helga joined in.

"Thunderbolt and lightning, very very frightening me!" sang Obi-Wan, Pierre, and Tom

"Galileo!" Pippin sang.

"Galileo!" sang Aragorn

"Galileo!"

"Galileo!"

"Galileo Figaro! Magnifico-o-o-o!" sang everyone.

"I'm just a poor boy nobody loves me!" Snaitf and Helga sang together

"He's just a poor boy from a poor family spare him his life from this monstrosity!" Everyone else joined in.

"Easy come, easy go. Will you let me go?"

"ISHMEELUH! (Or whatever the heck they say there) NOOOO! We will not let you go!"

"Let him go!" sang Snaitf and Helga.

"ISHMEELUH! We will not let you go!"

"Let him go!"

"ISHMEELUH!" We will not let you go!"

"Let him go!"

"We will not let you go!"

"Let me go!"

"We will not let you go"

"Let me go-o-o-o-o-o!"

"NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!"

"Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go! Ba'alzebub has a devil set aside for meeeeeeeeeeeee for meeeeeeee for MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Everyone rubbed their ears from Snaitf attempting to sing the high note. Tom got his guitar out of nowhere and started playing hard rock. Not to be outdone, Pierre got out a drumset out of nowhere and started playing equally hard rock, though I think perhaps the guitar was a bit more hard rockish than the drums, seeing as how Pierre couldn't play drums. Anyways, everyone started headbanging.

"So you think you can stop me and spit in my eye! So you think you can love me then leave me to die! OOHHHH baby, can't do this to me baby! Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here!" Helga and Snaitf sang together. Suddenly, Moosey grabbed a nearby rock and threw it at the machine. The dial started spinning like crazy then finally stopped on Poetry.

"Poetry is a Genre on this site?" Moosey asked dubiously.

"I'm not sure but it might.

Hey, what's happening this time?

Why am I all the sudden speaking in rhyme?" Snaitf asked, freaked out.

"It's the machine again!

Who could ever have known that when

Pip pressed the button, we would be in this mess?" cried Legolas.

"Umm... I don't look good in a dress?" asked Snaitf, since the machine was still trying to make them rhyme.

"Yeah you do! You were wearing one the other day!

Of course there's no point wearing one in the middle of May."

"My friend, you are quite mistaken, I fear.

She hasn't worn a dress in nearly a year!" Moosey replied

"I'm really tired of writing in rhymes," Snaitf complained

"Look! There goes a guy selling Times!" Helga said suddenly, deciding for no reason to buy the newspaper/magazine.

"Hang on, wait a second here!

It's Helga's birthday! Let's raise a cheer!" Said Frodo/Emily.

"Okay, that was a bit cheesy, I have to admit.

We have to stop rhyming and call it quits.

Moosey, hit the machine with the rock again.

It should work now, if it worked then," said Snaitf.

So Moosey hit the machine with a rock again, and this time the dial stopped on plain old humor.

"Woot woot! We don't have to rhyme!" Moosey cheered.

"Yay! Wait... This isn't much of a birthday chapter, Snaitf!" Helga complained.

"You got to sing Bohemian Rhapsody." Snaitf countered.

"I want birthday cake with Tom Delonge, Travis Barker, Mark Hoppus, Pierre Bouvier, Chuck Comeau, Ryan Key, Sean Mackin, Billie Joe Armstrong, Tre Cool, Benji Madden, Joel Madden, Justin Berfield (aka Reese), Justin Chatwin..."

"All right, all right!" Snaitf interrupted, "You're a slave driver, you know that?" So Snaitf snapped her fingers (Or she would have if she could snap) And in the place of Mount Doom, there was a huge birthday cake that said "HAPPEE BIRTHDAI HELGGA HOPLONGERRR" in pink icing.

"Pink?" Helga whined. "I get pink icing!"

"Oh, fine! Cake Nazi!" she retorted, replacing the pink with green. Just for good measure, she put a big picture of Ron Weasley on the cake. Helga squealed and ran for the cake.

She was about to stuff her face with cake, but suddenly a foot kicked out where she was about to munch. She squealed.

"Ah! Gasp! It's a leg!" She gasped. Eating more cake, she managed to uncover Pierre Bouvier!

"PIERRE! Wait... how did you get here? You were just behind me..." She asked. Pierre shrugged, so she just hugged him.

"Hey, Helga, I'd hurry up. In case you didn't know, there isn't much air inside a birthday cake..." Snaitf yelled up to her.

"Well, then give them air!" Immediately, 15 snorkels appeared on the visible face of the mountain... er, cake.

"How many people are in there?" Helga asked cautiously.

"25 and counting... actually..." Snaitf snapped her fingers (Again, if she could) and another snorkel appeared, "Now 26. I forgot Moosey's cousin," She said grinning. Moosey shuddered.

"It's so weird when your best friend likes your COUSIN!" she said, shuddering again. Helga, however, didn't hear this as she was already diving into the cake like a pool full of chocolate pudding. Occasionally, they would hear a shrill shriek from Helga when she found a rock star in her cake. Then a few minutes later, said rock star would emerge from the cake, covered with a google kiss marks and missing their pants and left shoe. (Hehe...)

Once all 26 rock stars/bishonen were out of the cake, Helga finally emerged, having gained 10 pounds from the huge amounts of cake.

"Bleh, I feel sick!" Helga said, "But I've managed to collect all of the pants and left shoes of all my favorite bishonen!" She did a happy dance, hugging the huge pile.

"Hey, can I have my pants back?" asked Benji Madden.

"No! It's part of my collection!" she whined, hugging the pile tighter.

"I bet you would have like collecting their boxers too," Snaitf mumbled to herself.

"What was that?"

"Nothing!"

"But I need pants! How am I supposed to do a show without pants on!" Benji interrupted.

"Oh fine!" Snaitf said. She yanked a pair of pants out of the pile in Helga's arms and held it out.

"Are these yours?"

"No!" he replied.

"What about these?" she asked, pulling another pair out.

"No, those aren't it."

"Geez, Helga, why do you have to have so many bishonen? There's too many pants!"

"Hehe... pant..." Tom Delonge said pervertedly. Snaitf smacked her forehead, then continued searching. Eventually, they found Benji's pants and she threw them in a cloning machine. So Benji got his pants back and Helga got to keep her entire collection... (Shudders)

"YAY I GET TO KEEP BENJI'S PANTS!" Helga squealed, "Erm... that came out wrong..."

"Party!" Ryan Key the Bellhop screamed randomly. His ring was black and he held an empty bottle in one hand.

"I second the party idea," Jemarcus said.

"Okay, a party it is then," Snaitf said slowly.

"No birthday cake, PLEASE!" Helga said, grinning and laughing her face off.

"Rocks out with your cocks out! Erm, if you're a dude!" said Travis in his perverted fashion. Everyone else just stared at him, weirded out. Except for Mark and Tom. They were used to it.

So they all had a party that lasted all night and it was friggin awesome.

_**TBC...**_

A/n: What... the... crap... I can NOT believe I wrote that! It's so retarded! And perverted... man, I'm as bad as Helga... Just to let you know, she MADE me write most of it!

Namarie, Mellyn nin!

Snaitf Kenobi XD


	34. Fun with Musicals!

Pippin the Ringbearer

A/n: Dear lord... I have not updated in FOREVER! Like 2 months! At least it's better than a year, though... :D Anyways, I really need to write something, so here it is. Btw, the songs are rewritten versions of songs from various musicals... umm... cookies to anyone who can figure out the song names and musicals they're from in order! ;)

Also, for Helga's sake, I'm not mention the name of a CERTAIN MUSICAL that I have become obsessed with, or anything pertained therein. So I will not mention (CoughMarkCohenCough) or any other characters from said musical, such as (CoughCollinsCough) or (CoughHotRogerCough). :)

Whoa, I have a lot of reviews to respond to... ness...

_**Reviews for Pippin the Ringbearer – Chapter 30**_

Smeagol: Lol that was rather long... I hear ya, though. I'm so glad it's summer, it's not even funny. I can't believe I only have a few weeks before summer band! Holy crap, I'll be a Freshman... And that sad thing is my first birthday card I got this year was from a driver's ed place wanting me to enroll... Geez, is your 15th birthday supposed to be this overwhelming:( Anyways... glad you like my chapter! And sorry for the long wait.

Frodo: You are a goody two shoes, Frodo. :) Also, are you mad at me? I get the feeling you are... :(

_**And Chapter 31:**_

Frodo: Don't ask me, Helga and Moosey wrote it... :)

Moosey: Yeah, okay, Moosey. It was funny. :) Gosh, I keep forgetting to use the colon parentheses smiley instead of the other smiley I usually use. Darn ff dot net for taking out the other smileys.

Smeagol: Maybe... we got so sidetracked, it's not even funny. I read through the entire story again. Stupid fourth chapter. Grr... oh well... but it's easy to tell it was written by someone with ADD. :)

Helga: Ah, you can write Part 2 for next year's Valentine's. :) Thanks once again for writing fluffy cause I suck at it. ;)

_**And Chapter 32:**_

Moosey: Well, yeah, besides that stuff, it's a true story. To a certain extent. Cha, scientific notatioin is so easy, I wanna fall asleep. I mean, seriously... ness... If by 'soon' you mean 'shorter than three months' then mission accomplished:)

Helga: I wrote your birthday chapter, don't worry. To be honest, I have NO IDEA, man, it just came to me... :)

Frodo: I... see... :) I dunno, I'm seriously having a bad case of writer's block on this story. And sorry about not writing your birthday chapter. I had a story idea, I swear, but I couldn't for the life of me write it down. I dunno why. :(

Smeagol: Yeah, I just imagine dialog in Math, then I go home and write it down. :) I don't even try to write it down in front of people. It's not that they're hard, they're just... long. I mean looooooooonnnnngggg. It takes forever to do them. Or at least it seems that way. Thanks for the review... again :)

_**And Why Not 33, While We're At It?**_

Moosey: You mean lool. :) lol... Poor Helga, I'll be making fun of her for that for like... ever. :) That's okay. Who knew that our email would choose that day to reformat and make it to where you have no idea if there's even an attachment said emails? Or at least, it reformatted around that time... :( Ness... :) Gosh, this is hard. Everytime I want to add a smiley, I always try to hit the shift six button. :( Ness... anyways... yeah.

Frodo: Ah... okay. :) Your favorite word is Bismillah? What does that mean:) the-a-tre... hehe. :) That's funny. Science projects sucked. I'm soo glad it's summer.

Helga: You're welcome, Helga. I aim to please... which is hard to do without making it perverted, in your case. :) lol. Or rather lool. :)

Smeagol: Yeah, rhyming sucks, especially when you have to figure out what rhymes on your own, cause my mind always goes blank. Thus the numerous uses of the rhyming dictionary for this chapter. :) I'm moving too, but not out of my town, thank Bob, or I'd be miserable without Moosey, Helga, Frodo, Potato Boy, and all the rest of my friends. :) Just to a different house. (Deep breath) X MEN THREE WAS SOOO COOL! Poor Wolverine, though. :( Except that was like a month ago, so... yeah... :) Thanks for the review... again. :) lool. That's my new way of saying lol thanks to Helga and her typo. :)

Frodo(Again): Yeah, I'm a girl of mystery, what can I say:) I had help, believe me. The entire chapter, I had a rhyming dictionary open. :) lool. And as of right now, your birthday was a month and nine days ago. Sorry about that. :(

Helga(Again): Knowing you, it will take quite an effort to make it come out 'not that bad.' :) lool. But of course you're writing the Christmas chapter. It's like tradition... :)

**_Chapter 34: Fun with Musicals!_**

"Snaitf?" asked Moosey

"Cha?" Snaitf answered.

"What shall we do?"

"I dunno... I can't think... My brain is like... imploding on itself."

"Oh... that sucks." Moosey said.

"Let's drink ROOT BEER!" Pippin screamed.

"Now, there's an idea I like!" Snaitf said brightly.

And so the Fellowship drank Root Beers. Just then, the Story Writer 360 started whirring again.

"Not AGAIN!" Everyone groaned. The StoryWriter did not listen to their groans, however, and stopped once again on _Musical_.

"Hey! I love muuuuusicaallls!" Snaitf sang randomly. Everyone stared at her. She of course ignored them. Suddenly, Tom got his guitar out of nowhere and started tuning it.

"July 18th, 3 AM Central Standard Time, from here on in I write without an idea... see if I get inspiration here. Instead of – "

"Snaitf!" Helga cut her off annoyedly (Annoyedly! Is that even a word!), remembering that there was a cuss word at that part in the song.

"Sorry... First part Snaitf, wandering aimlessly, she has no idea what to write!"

"This won't tune!" Tom mumbled, frustrated.

"You got that right!" Pippin said, listening to the guitar's horribly out of tune playing.

"And Preston turned off the fan, so Moosey's kicking the wall!" Snaitf added.

"Are you talking to me!" asked Moosey, obviously ticked off.

"Not at aaalllll! Are we ready? START WRITING ALREADY! Tell the folks at home what you're doin', Roger!" she sang loudly, pointing to Tom.

"I'm writing one great – " he started to sing.

"WAIT!" Pierre cut in, "Who's Roger?"

No one seemed to be able to answer that, so they ignored the question. Instead, Helga rolled her eyes and started singing a completely different tune.

"No more talk of Roger,

Forget those three root beers.

We're here, with caffeine inside us

And nothing here to discuss

The Root Beers have all been drank

And still we thirst for more.

But wait – I've just found something!

One last can, son of a bee sting!"

Immediately, the rest of the Fellowship was clamoring, trying to grab the last root beer from Helga, all the while singing:

"Say you'll share with me this one last Root Beer!

Turn my head with talk of hyperness!

Save that last Root Beer for me alone

Promise me you're sure there isn't two

Helga, that's all I ask of you!"

In all the commotion, Helga had dropped the Root Beer and it had rolled out of sight. Shocked and slightly embarrassed that everyone was fawning over her because she had the last root beer, Helga regained her composure and said,

"Oh where is the root beer? Oh, wheeere is the root beer? Oh where, oh where?"

"I swear it's there" Pippin came in, pointing behind a tree.

"It's there? Oh, where?" the rest of the Fellowship sang

"Pierre, Pierre!" Helga sang randomly, grinning at Pierre.

"OH WHEEEERRRE... is the root beer!" they all finished together. At that moment, lightning struck somewhere in the distance, and it started to rain.

"Great... can this get any worse?

"Hey guys!" Snaitf said reassuringly, "Don't worry! Cause you know... theeee sun'll come out tomorrow! Bet your bottom dollar that – "

"Snaitf, if you finish that song, I will KILL you." Moosey warned.

"You know something?" Snaitf mused to herself instead...

"I feel hyper, oh so hyper.

I feel hyper like a viper, Oh YAAAAYYYY!

"A viper!" Frodo/Emily asked, weirded out.

"Just go with it, it rhymes." Legolas said.

"And I pity any girl who isn't me today!"

"Lalalalalala la laaaa la la!" Everyone came in, singing.

"See the smiling face in that mirror there?"

"What mirror? Where?" asked Obi-Wan, confused.

"Isn't it scary? That's me!"

Suddenly, Moosey smacked the StoryWriter 360. It whirred around... and landed on _Musical_ again. Moosey sighed longingly. Snaitf grinned. Moosey glared at her.

"You make fun, yet I'm the one  
attempting to stop these rhymes.  
Or do you really want to spend our time  
singing music on into the night?" she asked,

"Insomnia, insomnia  
means something's wrong in your head!"

"But they have meds for it now. Insomnia is dead." Aragorn sang/said... cause really, in the song that part's spoken... but it's sung at the same time... ness...

"You know, I never thought about this but... where the crap are ya'll from?" asked Obi-Wan, staring at the teenage authors... well, authoresses... is that a word?

"We're living in America at the start of the millennium," Snaitf sang.

"I like to live in America,

Everything's fine in America," Helga sang happily, though to a completely different tune.

"We're living in America, where it's like the Twilight Zone!" Snaitf continued.

"In _you're_ stories, it is!" Helga countered.

"Poultry and swine in America!" added a random farmer, who came out of nowhere.

"But you have to rhyme in America!" Moosey finished the second melody, sounding slightly annoyed.

"Okay, okay! I get the idea!" Obi-Wan told them, still blinking confusedly at hearing them sing 2 different songs almost at the same time. "The scary part is, those songs sounded like they went together."

"Well, it is about the same thing," Frodo/Emily pointed out. At that moment, Moosey started once again smacking the machine. This time, it worked and it spun around again.

"Run before it stops spinning!" Moosey yelled, trying to get out of range of the machine's power. Everyone else followed suit.

"I thought you liked singing musicals!" said Snaitf, sounding slightly put out.

"Snaitf, I love you and all, but I am not going through the whole 'Jeff stalking me' episode again. Stupid machine," Helga mumbled to herself.

Fortunately for them, at that moment, they ran straight into a pair of giant cockroaches. Now, under normal circumstances, one would find this to be very bad news indeed (inDEEEEED), however, considering the search for Locust Lad and the fact that this pair happened to be a guard change, this was very good news indeed. (inDEEEED)

"I would like to add for the sake of being random that Frodo's birthday was like a month ago and I'm an idiot and didn't write a chapter for her." Snaitf said, sounding apologetic.

"Why not?" asked Helga.

"I had writer's block. Can you believe it? Writer's block on THIS story! I couldn't think of anything."

"Ah... that sucks." Moosey said.

"It does indeed."

"InDEEEEED" they screamed together. Helga rolled her eyes as they laughed.

"That never gets old."

"That it doesn't."

"Hey guys, there's only two people on the guard change. We have to decide who goes." Obi-Wan said.

"Obi-Wan should, of course. He's the best 'breaking into stuff' person of all of us." Aragorn said reasonably. Everyone agreed.

"Okay, who's goin with me?" asked Obi, already slipping into one of the guard uniforms... and somehow he looked like a cockroach in it... yeah, we'll go with that.

"I'll go!" Snaitf said exuberantly. Oooh, that was a big word. Obi-Wan looked at her cautiously.

"Erm, no offense, Snaitf, but... you'll probably sic the entire base on us. Helga told me your reputation of bursting into song at random times."

"Ah..." Snaitf said, thinking. "You're right about that. Okay... hmm..."

"You know, I think Obi should go alone. I mean, he'll need the extra suit so he can smuggle Locust Lad out, right?" asked Moosey. This being entirely reasonable, everyone agreed. So Obi-Wan left to rescue Locust Lad alone...

_**TBC...**_

It was written weirdly, cause I'm a little out of it. Blarg... I still have something akin to writer's block cause writing this took me forever. And it's barely as long as my chapters usually are... grr...


	35. The Candle Store?

Pippin the Ringbearer

I have to write this down before I forget this...

Chapter 35: The Candle Store?

"Uhhh I'm so BORED!" Snaitf complained. It had been nearly half an hour since Obi-Wan had left to infiltrate the cockroach base.

"Let's go to the mall," Helga suggested, "We can pass the time there."

"But what if Obi-Wan gets back here and doesn't know where we are?" asked Pippin.

"Well, we can just leave him a note," Moosey said. So they did and left to go to the mall.

"Huh. That's weird." Snaitf said suddenly as they were walking past a queue selling hoodies.

"What is?" asked Helga.

"Well, I just realized something. In Spanish, 'mal' means 'bad.' But the mall is called a mall, so does that mean malls are bad? I mean, some people think that the mark of the beast is in the little lines on the proof of purchase things, so maybe going to the mall is bad because that's the mark of the beast and you buy stuff there. So the mall's like the Antichrist!"

"Snaitf, what the CRAP are you talking about! The malls are the Antichrist! WTF!" Moosey shrieked at her.

"Well, I mean cause I saw this one show about the Rapture, and they said that people see '666' in the little proof of purchase things. So maybe malls are the Antichrist!"

"Snaitf... shut up."

"Okay." So they walked through the mall for a few minutes, looking at random stuff.

"Hey, you guys? Do you ever wonder if it takes microwaves a few seconds to warm up or do are they on full blast right when you turn them on? Cause if you wanted to heat up like... tinfoil in the microwave, you would only do it for like 2 seconds, but if it takes a few seconds to warm up, then the tinfoil wouldn't really be heated up, so you would have to do it for like 4 seconds. But if it's full blast the entire time and you put tinfoil in for like 4 seconds the microwave would catch fire... so how do you know!"

"Snaitf... seriously, WHAT THE CRAP?" Helga yelled.

"I was just wondering!" she replied defensively.

"Hey look! I've never been to this store before!" Leggy said, his eyes growing wide as they stopped and stared at the candle store.

"Wicks n' Fics? Shouldn't it be Wicks n' Sticks?" asked Helga.

"No, that's a different candle store," Snaitf replied. "Hey! Look at this!" she rushed into the store.

"What, Snaitf?" Moosey asked exasperatedly as they followed her into the store. They came to a stop at a nearby table, with Snaitf holding a candle excitedly.

"Look!" She exclaimed, shoving the lavender colored candle at Moosey. Moosey read the label.

"'Moosey's House'! They have a candle called 'Moosey's House'!"

"Lemme see!" Helga exclaimed, grabbing it. She sniffed it and gave a small sigh. "Ahh, that Moosey's house smell." She said.

"Wow! They have all of my favorite smells! Look! Here's 'Ed's Case'!" Snaitf exclaimed, running around the store.

Moosey rolled her eyes, and then sniffed something... familiar... "Is that baked bread!" she asked no one in particular, looking around her before spotting a tan candle on a table near her. "Gasp! It IS Baked Bread!"

Snaitf gave a childish gasp. "PAPA'S PIPE SMOKE!" She shrieked, grabbing a candle and sniffing the ever-living snot out of it.

"Hey look! There's Peanut Butter!" Helga said, picking up another candle. "Mmm I like the smell of peanut butter!"

"Look Merry! Mushrooms!" Pippin exclaimed, looking at a collection of red-spotted white candles in the back.

Meanwhile, Aragorn was looking curiously at a candle labeled 'Cocaine.' He called to Moosey, "Hey, Moosey, what's 'cocan-ee'?"

"Huh?" she asked, looking at the label. "Oh... don't smell it." She warned. Shrugging, he put it down.

"Ooh! Here's Rain! And it actually smells like rain and not like a candle that's supposed to smell like rain but ends up smelling like... well, a candle trying to smell like rain. Cause that doesn't smell good. Well, it does, but it doesn't smell as good as actual rain." Snaitf babbled on, looking at the various candles. A mischievous grin crossed her face.

"Hey, Moosey... Would you liiight my canndllllle?" she sang.

"Snaitf, don't start!" Moosey warned.

"Hey! Here's Tata Boy!" Helga exclaimed.

"Oh very funny." Snaitf said dryly.

"No seriously, look; it's labeled 'Potato Boy'" Snaitf came over suspiciously, looking at the label.

"Wow, they really have everything in this store," Snaitf mumbled, sounding surprised. She smelled the candle. "Mmm Potato Boy smell." She said as a dreamy smile appeared on her face.

Helga wasn't sure if she should roll her eyes or scream "AWWWW" really loudly and explode from how cute that was. So she decided to shake her head and walk off. "Hey Moosey," she called.

"Ya?" asked Moosey, who was busy sniffing a candle named 'Litter Box.' She wrinkled her nose. "Oh gross! It actually smells like a litter box!"

"Do you think it's weird that Snaitf has a boyfriend?"

"No. Why?"

"I dunno, she seems too... insanely nerdy to have a boyfriend."

"Yeah, but 'Tata Boy is just as much of a loser as she is, so they go perfect together."

"...Good point."

"I wonder what's keeping Obi-Wan so long..." Legolas wondered aloud, looking at a candle labeled 'Mirkwood.' He sniffed it. "They got the smell _way _off! Have they even _been _to Mirkwood before!"

-15 Minutes Ago...-

Obi-Wan tried to look casual as he passed another guard. Of course, as soon as he started to act casual, he remembered that he was supposed to be a cockroach and had no idea how a cockroach acted when it was casual. So, he settled for walking as quickly as he could to the detention bay without attracting attention. Walking into the detention bay, he was suddenly struck by the realization that he had no idea what Locust Lad looked like. _I really didn't think this through_... he thought to himself.

"You cannot hold me for long! The Disinterested Duo will triumph!" an extremely annoying voice screeched from the back of the room. Obi-Wan followed the voice to find a chubby young man with slightly worn wings attached to his back.

"Locust Lad?" he asked. The man looked up, his bent plastic antennae bobbing up and down.

-At Wicks n' Fics-

Obi-Wan walked into the shop, looking slightly miffed when he saw the whole Fellowship there. "Where the heck were you! You weren't there when I got to the rock!"

"We got bored of waiting for you, so we came here." Snaitf explained.

"You could have told me that!"

"We left you a note."

"Oh, you mean this one?" he asked, taking out a piece of paper. "All it says is 'Ue yot brourd g scribble-o the nrelh.' What the heck does that mean!"

"Lemme see it." Snaitf said, grabbing it. "It says 'we got bored and went to the mall." Obi-Wan read it again.

"That says 'nrelh'."

"That's an L! See?"

"That is the worst written L I have ever seen!" Obi-Wan protested. Moosey came over and looked at the paper.

"What is that!"

"It's my note to Obi-Wan." Snaitf replied. Moosey cocked her head, reading it.

"Why does it say 'nrelh'?" she asked.

"That says mall!" she protested. Moosey looked at it again.

"You have the worst handwriting I have ever seen."

"Oh gee, thanks, Moosey. Way to be supportive," she replied, rolling her eyes.

"No seriously, that's not even English right there. Are you sure you weren't writing it in like..." She squinted at it, "German or something?"

"I'm pretty sure I would know if I was writing in German, Moosey."

"Snaitf! Snaitf! Snaitf! Snaitf! Snaitf! Snaitf! Snaitf!" Helga ran over to them, jumping up and down and waving a candle in Snaitf's face.

"WHAT, HELGA?"

"The candle smells like... MICHAEL!" She shrieked, sniffing it. Snaitf and Moosey rolled their eyes simultaneously.

"Helga, he's freakin' ugly as heck!" Moosey said.

"Yeah, but he's HOT THOUGH!" She yelled.

"Oh my lord..." Moosey rolled her eyes again.

_**TBC...**_

A/n: Man, school sucks... except the parts where Potato Boy is there... and yes, I do have a boyfriend! Woot! (Throws confetti in the air) :) And I actually wrote down 'we got bored and went to the mall, then tried to type what it actually looked like it said. I have BAD handwriting. :) So yeah, REVIEW! Even though only there's only like three people actually read this anymore... :)


	36. Valentine's Day the SEQUEL!

**Moosey: **Yeah…so finally we're writing the Valentines Day chapter…only it has nothing to do w/ the other one XD

**Helga: **this one's really bad. Just to let you know.

_**The What-If Machine**_

Obi-Wan ran up to the whole story gang with a big bundle in his arms.

"Look what I got! I have no idea what it is, but look what I found!" He yelled as he unwrapped it at everyone's feet.

Helga and Moosey immediately screamed, "OMG!!!!! IT'S A WHAT-IF MACHINE!!!!!"

"A What?!?" Everyone else asked.

"A What-If Machine! It reveals what would happen for whatever what-if question that you have!" Helga stated.

"Oooooh, I wanna go first!" Legolas said.

"Fiiiiiiiiiine." Moosey and Helga said together.

"Alright…What-if Aragorn was gay?" Legolas asked.

"WHAT?!" Aragorn screamed, but it was too late the What-If Machine was starting up and already showing the story…

**_What if Aragorn were gay…_**

Aragorn was seen in pink armor and running around with a pink, fuzzy sword…and to Legolas's dismay, he was with…GANDALF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Everyone in the room was immediately disgusted and the machine magically went back to the regular screen. Everyone turned to stare at Aragorn, Obi-wan, and the What-If machine itself.

Immediately people were screaming, "I WANNA ASK A QUESTION!!!!!!!!!"

Suddenly Snaitf yelled, "WHAT IF THERE REALLY WAS A HOEDOWN?!?!?" (A/N: I'm listening to Hoedown!! w00t)

The screen suddenly showed Mrs. Lunney unexpectedly falling over.

They all burst out into laughter (well, the ones who knew who Mrs. Lunney was anyway)

"Ask another question!!!" someone asked.

"What if me and Moosey finished the original Valentines chapter?" Helga asked the machine.

The screen showed Snaitf at her computer keeling over and dying. Her older brother, Jarrett, then pushed her out and started to play WoW (World of Warcraft, n00bs!!!)

"Snaitf cast a disapproving glance at Helga, who was sad to see the pic of Jarrett fade from the screen.

"Well, what if—"

Moosey suddenly clamped Pippin's mouth shut. "We must only ask questions WORTHY of the MACHINE!!!!"

"You got any ideas?!"

Moosey shrugged, then she said, "What if Horseland wasn't a butt?"

The screen showed the world in a dream-like state and all was right in the world.

"Whats…Horseland?" Legolas asked.

"Nvm…" Helga sighed.

"Sooo…." Moosey said.

"Wait, I've got one! What if I married Jarrett and we lived next to Moosey and D, and Snaitf and Tata Boy?!?!" exclaimed Helga.

The screen showed three motorhomes side by side, one on fire (which they figured to be Snaitfs) and the other two with yards very messy and children running around and screaming. Jarrett and Helga were standing watching their children and Moosey and D were standing not far away from them watching their own children (who were damphirs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ). While Tata Boy and Snaitf were chasing down their children and trying to put out the fire caused by their child, Jimothy. Moosey kissed D and he hugged her.

Meanwhile in the real world Moosey blushed while D came up behind her and surprised her with a kiss. The others were kind of disgusted and Pippin was pissed off because he couldn't see the screen anymore. Moosey and D then held hands and then resumed watching the What-If Machine.

The screen showed Jarrett and Helga and their children. One of their children ran towards Jarrett saying gleefully, "Daddy, daddy!" and Jarrett picked him up and held him in his arms while Helga leaned over and kissed both father and son.

Meanwhile the real Helga was dying of happiness and out of nowhere the real Jarrett appeared and hugged Helga from behind. Helga, needless to say, died of happiness.

The screen then showed Tata Boy and Snaitf.

It showed the two making out (EEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW) and their fifteen child were pulling on their clothes and said, "Mommy, Daddy, the doors awe wocked!!" and they kept making out.

Helga stormed from her own yard and shouted, "SNAITF!!! YOU'RE NEGLECTING MY NIECES AND NEPHEWS!!!"

She then rounded them up and said, "I'm taking them in until Tata Boy dies!!!" She then stormed off to her house and all of Snaitf's children started playing with Helga's children.

The screen then refused to show any more.

"I can't say I'm not happy," Helga said with a huge grin.

Snaitf then pretended to puke to the side.

Moosey made a throwing-up face and said, "How did Tata Boy get here?!!?!?!?!?!"

Snaitf turned around and immediately they started making out.

They all made faces and Jarrett said something about "not knowing where to put it" and Helga burst out laughing.

Moosey nearly squealed and asked, "What if our future husbands sand to us in French?"

The screen glowed and…

It was night, and D and Moosey were on the balcony of their house. There was a candlelit dinner set before them; the candles were already dripping onto the table from being lit so long. The food was gone; the champagne bottle empty; and the two lovers were leaning against the railing; laughing and holding hands.

"The moon's beautiful tonight," Moosey said.

"Yes, but you're more beautiful," D said in his soft voice. Moosey nearly died.

"Sing me something, D," Moosey said as she tugged on his hand.

He thought for a minute, then smiled (MOOSEY, YOU BETTER THANK ME!!!! HAHA). "Hmm…I know an old one…" he said with a bit of a smile.

Moosey then started tugging on his hand more. "Sing it!" she asked sweetly.

D thought for a moment, then started softly singing in French. Moosey then started squealing and attacked D and hugged him. He smiled and kept singing as he stroke her blonde hair down her back.

After he stopped, he looked down and they gently kissed.

"I love you, Mokuren," D said softly.

"I love you too, D." The two then kissed again in the moonlight.

Back in the other world, Moosey went insane from the fluffy.

The screen then changed again….

"Jarrett, stop it!! I'm dying here!!"

In Helga and Jarrett's house, their children and Snaitf and Tata Boy's children were having a campout in their ginormous backyard.

They were in their room (not doing anything nasty, Nastys) and he was busy tickling her sides so much that she was gasping for air. "Stop it!!" she laughed as she pushed him away from her.

"You're so goofy," she told him after he managed to stop tickling her.

He grinned. "Oh, I know."

"Jarrett?" She reached over, smiled and started fiddling with his dark brown hair. "Sing me something."

'Like what?"

She thought for a moment. "I don't know…just anything."

Jarrett thought for a few seconds, then started singing the familiar beat of techno rave music, and she started laughing and pushed him again.

"Fine, I'll sing something better," he said with his lopsided grin (OMFG IT'S SO CUTE!…sorry.)

He then struggled to sing something in French.

Helga glomped him, but he kept singing. "There's a reason why I took band," he laughed.

"I don't care…it's the thought that counts…" They both smiled and started to kiss. As the kissing continued (heehee) their phone rang and Jarrett just said softly, "We'll let the answering machine get it, 'kay?"

She just kissed him and…heehee…

At the Snaitf residence, they were making out. AGAIN. For some odd reason, Snaitf pulled away and said, "Tata Boy, can you sing?"

"Excuse me?" We all know that he just wanted to make out.

"Sing me something! Anything!!"

He thought for a moment. "Okay, I'm not very good, but…"

He took a deep breath and he started to sing in French (very loudly and badly, BTW.)

There were several screams, and a sudden phone call. Snaitf picked it up (Tata Boy was still singing) and she shouted, "HELLO?"

"SNAITF, IS THAT A DYING, GURGLING, DRUNKEN FROG AT YOUR HOUSE?!?!?!?!" Moosey shouted into the phone. Her and D were having her moment and Tata Boy, of course, ruined it.

She hung up (she was obviously annoyed) and yet another phone call came in. "SNAITF!!!" This time it was Helga. "ME AND JARRETT ARE TRYING TO BOND AND YOUR OH-SO-WONDERFUL SINGER HUSBAND IS RUINING IT!!"

Snaitf shouted dryly, "YOU MEAN, YOU WERE GONNA HAVE SEX?!?"

"JUST TELL TATA BOY TO STOP!!!"

The screen then went back to normal, and they all turned to look at Tata Boy.

Helga glomped Jarrett however, and Moosey did the same to D.

"I think you're wonderful," Snaitf lied.

Tata Boy smiled and hugged Snaitf.

Meanwhile back at Moosey and D's house Moosey was snuggled up against D listening to him sing. He leaned down and kissed her and….yeah…we'll stop, lol.

At Jarrett and Helga's house they were…you know…yeah…and Snaitf and Tata Boy continued making out…

Back in reality all the couples were dying of happiness and some of it was starting to come true.

"You know, now you're going to have to sing to me sometime." Mokuren whispered to D.

D smiled and promised he would.

Helga was laughing and squealing because Jarrett was tickling her.

Snaitf and Tata Boy were making out again and the rest of the group was unhappy.

"Alright, next question!" Merry announced.

"Ooooh—" Legolas was about to say but then Moosey butted in, "What if D, Jarrett, Tata Boy, Legolas, and Aragorn were in a boy band?!"

"WTF?!?" Said everyone.

The screen had a flashing light and the guys mentioned above stepped out onto the stage…

Jarrett did a spin and landed in the splits while D back flipped and Legolas jumped over Aragorn and then they started their song…

The tweens went wild and started screaming their names. They were in white and blue jumpsuits and microphones.

"D!!!! MARRY ME!!!!!!!" some random twelve-year-old chick screamed.

They continued until the concert was over. D took his microphone and said, "I'd like to thank my wife for all she's done!"

Before the girls could react, Jarrett said into his microphone, "And I'd like to thank my wife, Helga, for all she's done."

Then Legolas said, "I LOVE ARA….I mean, I LOVE…YOU…GUYS!"

Aragorn merely grunted into his microphone.

The girls immediately started screaming and slitting their wrists.

After the show, the boy band members made their way backstage, where their wives glomped them and smothered them in kisses. Their kids were also there, so they picked them up and hugged them

Then…they had to autograph things.

"OMFG, THERE THEY ARE!!!"

They reluctantly sat down at their table and it was flooded by twelve-year-olds.

However, each of the guys' wives were hanging onto them (teehee) and the girls were thoroughly pissed off. And Helga and Moosey enjoyed every minute of it.

After the autographs, they went back to their bus to see that Tata Boy fell asleep ON THE JOB!!!

"WAKE UP!!!" they all screamed. He suddenly bolted upright and said, "I wasn't asleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Get our stuff, slave!"

"Stop sleeping, slave!"

"NOW, SLAVE!!!"

Tata Boy, who sucked so much at singing, was immediately demoted to roadie.

After they packed their crap up, everyone was snuggled together on the bus (Tata Boy and Snaitf were in the very back so no one had to see them make out.)

"I'm so bored," Helga complained. She was on a laptop (sound familiar?!?) and she had nothing else to do.

"Hey, go to neopets," Alexis suggested (her and D were sitting behind them.)

Helga shrugged, then went to neopets. She signed in and went directly to fanboards.

She found one that said "D HAS A WIFE!!!!" and, to Moosey's request, clicked on it. This is what the board looked like…

GalloppingGracyGravyGoo: He has a wife!! That is so unfair!!

GalloppingGracyGravyGoo: is anyone here?!

WranglerButtzDriveMeNutz: I know!!! It's so unfair :'(

GallopingGracyGravyGoo: he's sooooo sexxxy!!

LupeLuver405304830: his wife is a whe!!

WranglerButtzDriveMeNutz: I'm sad because Jarrett's married:'(

LupeLuver405304830: I know, both of them are total whes

GallopingGracyGravyGoo: I bet his wife was a virgin when they first met!!

GallopingGracyGravyGoo: even though I'm twelve…

GallopingGracyGravyGoo: …and I've never seen a penis in my life…

WranglerButtzDriveMeNutz: I agree, they're both whes and they should so die

LupeLuver405304830: we should so go and kidnap them and get their husbands!!

(Moosey decided to intervene.)

ChuckNorris: yeah, the "whore" is here, biotches.

WranglerButtzDriveMeNutz: yeah, you're so fake, go die

GallopingGracyGravyGoo: we already claimed them, fake

ChuckNorris: I got news for you: you're still virgins and you'll never get laid

ChuckNorris: I have

ChuckNorris: with D

ChuckNorris: so stop bitching!

Moosey then left the room and handed the laptop back to Helga.

"Keep it," Helga said as she yawned and cuddled next to Jarrett.

Moosey shrugged, put the laptop on an empty seat and cuddled next to D and kissed him before dozing off.

And the screen went back to normal…

And they all gaped. And suddenly everyone went crazy, everyone was screaming 'what-ifs' to the machine…when all of the sudden….it went…. BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everyone screamed, Moosey jumped to D and Jarrett hugged Helga and Snaitf and Tata Boy stopped making out.

"HOLY CRAP!" Moosey and Helga yelled together.

The 'What-If Machine' had exploded.

"Now I'll never know!!!!!!!!" Pippin screamed.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh!!!!!!" Yelled Merry.

"Well, that sucks." Moosey said, and D ran his fingers through her hair, she looked up at him and he leaned in for a kiss.

"Who cares about any stupid what-if machine?" Moosey said as D slipped his hand around her waist and they went off walking together.

"Well, maybe we'll find another one…someday…" Helga said as Jarrett grabbed her hand and led her off in the opposite direction as Moosey and D.

Snaitf and Tata Boy were happy right where they were and continued making out there.

The rest of the cast was stuck wondering how in the world they were going to pass the time.

"Well, this sucks." Said Aragorn.

"It doesn't have to," Legolas said.

Aragorn gave him a look and then Legolas said, "What the heck…!" and kissed Aragorn.

Pippin, Merry, and Obi-Wan were left to wander as most of the cast continued to wander off…

No one would soon forget this eventful Valentine's Day…EVER.

**THE END**


End file.
